One Day Away

We are but one day away from a new Year. Everyday is a new chance, a new opportunity, a Gift from God! Each Year is a chance to wipe the proverbial slate clean and start fresh.

And I fully intend to honor that life long tradition! So for the new year, I will be adding a series called "Rockwell Wednesday" and few other tasty and titillating posts.

I also plan on being more timely with my posts. So stay tuned!

Happy New Year!!!

I just can't win

So I told you how Mom says I am selfish and self-centered and so on while my sister and I were talking about breakfast. Well I never told her how much that upset me. In fact, I didn't bother talking to her about any of this because she already thinks I am selfish and why add salt to the wound.

So today I get a text from her saying, "I love you so much. You are so special!" Now I am totally neurotic and this is something she has NEVER done before so I ask her what this is all about...??? She says it was because she was just thinking of me. --That's nice. And I should be happy, right?

So I call her later to finally talk to her about what she said. I said I didn't to start a fight but just wanted to say that what she said really upset me and I wasn't that selfish.

So now we are home and she is standing in the middle the living room and won't let me through. She then gets upset because I don't say anything. If I say something, I am selfish. If I don't say anything, I have an attitude. I can't win with these people!!! I try to stay out of everyones way to keep the peace and I still end up in the wrong.

Losing myself in Self Analysis

I have come to the very real and serious decision that I need counseling.

It has been an emotionally taxing holiday. The irony is, it was my decision to have a big holiday with the family. When asked about what I wanted to do this Christmas, I said since it was my first Christmas out of the military and it had been 8 years since we had all been together, I wanted a big family Christmas. .... I had to open my big fat mouth, didn't I!?!

My brother alone is enough to drive anyone off a cliff or to vote in favor of the death penalty. It seemed everything I did while at my grandparents was "bitchy". ... actually, it started before that....

My Mom had planned for she and I to drive both our SUVs 4.5 hours to get my brother the week before Christmas, load her truck and mine up, drive back, unload and then turn around and drive back up the following weekend. That didn't happen. He wanted to stay [despite the fact he didn't have a truck (it had caught fire and been incinerated), no job for several months, no electricity, and was about to be evicted] to be with his girlfriend (who may or may not be pregnant). So she decided we would just get him when we went home for Christmas; however, she kept asking if I was working the Friday before or if I could get off. ( I don't have vacation or holiday time. I am a temp so I get paid only for the time I am there and I needed to make my 40 hours.) I said I would try to make up as many hours as I could so I could get off early. (She must have forgotten because she asked me several other times.)

So my sister and her husband comes down the week before to stay with us before we load up and drive to my grandparents. Now my Mom, Sister, and Bro-in-law are all smokers. I am not. I would on occasion but began to get terribly ill so had to stop (thankfully). So I come home and we are all watching a movie. My sister lights up. She finishes. She opens the french door, lights up again, throws the lighter to my Mom, and Mom lights up. I am tired and don't want to be in the room so I get up, walk out, and close my bedroom door. I can not stand the smell of it and being a small living room with 3 smokers is gross!!! So I must have upset my sister because later I hear Mom shouting from across the house how I am so rude!
-I am so rude???? How is that? How am I rude because I got up and didn't say anything?-
So shortly after, my sister comes in my room and asks if I want to watch the other movie. I said no, that I was tired and was just going to go to bed. -- Then the TV roars with the sound of Twentieth Century Fox. I had already climbed in bed and wasn't getting out ... so I yelled at Mom to come in my room. (Now, please keep in mind that I had been working long hours to make up Friday time. And Oh-by-the-way, I wasn't going to work Friday so we could leave early so all the more time I had to make up. Needless to say I was very tired). Mom comes in and I (admittedly have a hateful tone) begin by saying I wasn't rude for walking out. She cuts in with I was huffy and slammed the door. I interrupted by reminding her I was working long hours, was very tired because I was trying to be off Friday for her, and could she keep the volume down. She storms out and the volume was eventually turned down a few minutes later ( I am sure only to prove her point).
I did try to apologize the following morning (though I also used the opportunity to reiterate my point) but it wasn't very well received.

(flash forward to grandparents) We wake up and most everyone was in the kitchen making breakfast and getting coffee. I had opted to stay out of my brothers way and stayed in the bedroom busying myself by making the bed and tidying up. I entered the kitchen just in time to get a half a piece of bacon and a single piece of toast still left on the table. As I reached down for the toast, my sister with a mouth stuffed of eggs, bacon, toast; grunts at me indicating she had dibs on the last piece of toast. I scoff that I was so sorry, spin on my heals and walk out of the kitchen back to the bedroom. Later I pull her in the bedroom to have a little chat. She said I had been very crabby all week. So I start by asking her how many pieces of toast she had? How many eggs? How much bacon? I then tell her that I had a half a piece of bacon that was left on the table and was hoping for the toast before she barked at me. She defends that she thought I had already eaten. I then explain about the other night when I left the living room because of the smoke and how I was working a lot of hours and was very tired. I wanted to know why was everyone so quick to be upset with me but no one even ask if I was okay or what was going on with me???

So later my Aunt and I talk and I bend her ear about the whole thing. She shares her perspective with me that my sister was treated like a 3rd class citizen, my brother was always having excuses made for him, and I was having to except blame and responsibility for both of them.
I knew about my brother. It was something I saw very clearly and it drove me crazy and I felt very much like everything was somehow my fault, whether it was or wasn't, I couldn't win. But I didn't know about my sister. I could see how that could be. I never felt a bond with her like I did with my brother when they were babies. I did feel bad for her. We just never really talked or bonded. She is 10 years younger than me so we never had anything to talk about. To me, she was a bratty little baby. The oldest vs the youngest kinda thing, I guess.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought I had come to terms with my history ("baggage" if you will). But I felt very much like I opened a closet door and it poured out and knocked me off my feet.
My Mom is still making excuses for my brother and telling me how I am so selfish and self-centered and self-absorbed and think only of myself and how I feel and what I want and not of anyone else. And I guess I still don't really know how to relate to my poor little sister. I still feel bad for her. I wish I knew how to fix me and how to heal this family.


So there you have it. I need therapy! I guess it will be my New Years Resolution (even though I don't really believe in those - but I do believe in bettering oneself).

Cheers.

So Tired

So tired!!

(big yawn)

Feeling very groggy.

Pardon the grouchiness

Must sleep!

Good Night and sweet dreams.

Kissing

Tis the Season for Mistletoe!

And all this mistletoe puts me in the mood to smooch.

I miss kissing. I was so good at it!

Watch out boys, I am feelin' fresh! (giggles)

Happy Hunting! ....oh, I mean Holidays! Yes...

"Happy Holidays!!!"

Smitten

I was minding my own business, talking to someone when he came around the corner. Before I knew it, I was blushing and giggling and shrugging my shoulders while laughing into my hair -- "What has gotten into me?!" I wondered! "Oh my gosh, I hope no one caught that... How embarrassing!" I felt like a 5th grader at recess. How silly and funny I must have looked.

At first it's just a simple acknowledgement of attraction that catches your eye. Then there is a look, a laugh, a witty retort, a clever saying, something more that captures your attention. Then before you know it, you are smitten.

"Hello, my name is Jodi and I am smitten."

a Beautiful MOMent

Absolutely Beautiful!

Angi has captured a beautiful moment and put it to poetry to it.

Sunday Skin

(Angi, ya like that word play....(giggles).... "Beautiful MOMent")

Evolution OR just a work in progress...

I don't know at what point I became me.

I can pinpoint pivotal moments in my life but at what point I became the person I am eludes me. I guess I am just a work in progress. That's what life is though, isn't it? Progress. Evolving into a better person. --At least that is what I believe.

I believe that part of life is about bettering ones self; be it spiritually, mentally, physically, any combination or all of the above. Whether it be read, take classes, research, observe, or just ponder the meaning of life.

But then there is my brother. My poor pathetic brother. He calls last night at 10pm to say the truck is on fire. .... and just what are we supposed to do from 276 miles away???? But to make matters really worse, Mom gets SO upset. She can't sleep, she can't talk, she can barely breath. She is crying so hard, she is distraught and just bawling and weeping. What am I to do? How do I help her. So I just sit there for 2 and a half hours waiting, watching, talking, comforting, hugging and crying with her. He calls back and that only seems to make matters worse. She can't even talk, she just hangs up. I call him back and he proceeds to swear and raise his voice... of which I clench my jaw, and through gritted teeth let him know he will NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!

He upsets everyone. The entire family has their feathers ruffled. My sister calls to ask if he is okay because he thinks Mom is so mad, she won't talk to him.

OMGaw!!!! Where does one start?!?!?!

Mom said that she wished he would hurry and learn whatever lesson God wants him to learn. ...as though God put him in this situation. This is a topic we discussed to some length. I said, "God did not put him in this situation!" James is where he is because of his own decisions. Good or bad we end up where we do because of our decisions. Things happen to us that are out of our control, yes; but how we handle them, what we do (be it react or recover), these things are in our hands and our decisions. That is what makes a [Man], his decisions. The wisdom he uses to guide his life.

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(NIV) Proverbs 1:1-7 The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: for attaining wisdom and discipline;for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young - let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance - for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

___________________________

Christ came to tell the world of God's Love. He was persecuted, spat on, and even betrayed by his most trusted, His own family. These things were out of His control yet how did He handle them? He was tempted by Satan and offered all the world (Luke 1:1-13), yet how did He handle it?

We all have choices. God gives us the freedom to choose and make our own decisions. It is the decisions Jesus made that showed His Love and His Loyalty. Christ even prayed that His Father would take this from Him (Matthew 26:36-44, Mark 14:32-41, Luke 22:39-46) but that His Fathers Will be done..."Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done." Despite being faced with betrayal, persecution, and painful death; he still chose to honor His Father's Will.

We choose how we handle things or we choose to ignore it; either way, it is our choice. We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, no; but we all must confess our sins, faults, imperfections and ask forgiveness. Ask of God but also of those we have done wrong, treated poorly or offended.

______________________________

(NIV) James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

______________________________

So maybe some take longer to evolve.

.......(sigh)...... I just hope he does evolve or at least show progress...

.....Let us pray.....

from Love to Disdain

Since I was old enough to talk, I wanted Mom to have another baby for so long and 8 years later, she did. When my brother was born, I was in Love! I rocked him to sleep and carried him around. He was so beautiful and precious. Those heart string were sewn all through me.

As time goes and he grew up, he became a monster. A hideous snarling mangy 23 yr old monster. He cusses and screams at me all the time. It is impossible to have a conversation with him. He has been in jail at least twice and calls Mom to bail him out. He doesn't have a truck payment because Mom let him use my sisters old truck but he doesn't take care of it. Then complains that it is crap and wants Mom to fix it. He hasn't paid rent in months, has no electricity and is probably about to be evicted. He has had his license revoked from too many tickets and DUIs. He calls Mom almost, if not everyday and asks for help.

He disgusts me. I have such disdain for him. He enrages me. I morn the loss of my precious baby brother. What happened to that little boy? There is no talking to this monster! I want to box his face in. I want to strap his hands and feet together, stuff a gag in his mouth and make him watch hours of video of families that lost kids from drunk drivers or kids that lost parents because of a drunk driver. I want to rant and lecture and plead and preach and talk some sense to him. I want to make it perfectly clear that he is ruining his life. That his actions have consequences. Why can't he see that??? Not only that, but what he does effects others.

His son is growing up with a worse father than he had. He doesn't want to be like his (our) father yet he is just as bad. He came down one weekend and spent more time watching tv than spending time outside playing with his son. He has no patience or tolerance at all and just as little for his own child. He fears that his new gal may be pregnant. Yet again, not taking responsibility for his actions and preventing accidents from happening.

What is wrong with him?? What is wrong with the world that people like this exist? How is this person and I from the same gene pool???

How do I deal with someone that used to be so precious and I loved so dearly, that is now hideous, foul, crude, rude, vulgar, repugnant and I wouldn't waste my spit on. He is family. Family is supposed to be about tolerance, understanding and love. I have tried to love him as Christ loves him. Lord knows I have prayed for him. I have had such gut wrenching tear drenched prayers it is ridiculous. I have praised his few accomplishments to encourage him. Nothing seems to work. Nothing seems to stick. It's like the two step - one step forward, two steps back and all your doing is circling the floor.

So pray for me.

Pray for him.

Pray for us all!

Facing a Ghost

Many, if not most, people have some kind of emotional baggage.

Mine derives from my father. I use the term loosely. (Freud licks the lead of his pencil and begins taking notes)

My life isn't a Greek tragedy. In fact by most accounts, I would say it is pretty good. There hasn't been any incest, affairs to speak of, or conspiracy to murder in the pursuit of gaining power or anything quite as plotted as Hamlet.

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My family is pretty close and while we have our fair share of drama, we are still family and "relatively" close (pardon the pun). However when it comes to my so-called-father, it is a different story.

He is an alcoholic. He is no more than a worthless bum to me.

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Many marriages end for many different reasons. Some grow apart, some fall out of love, some aren't capable of being responsible financially or emotionally, etc... but parents are still obligated to be parents.

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My "father" didn't. As far as I am concerned, drinking was too important; his friends were more important; not being accountable, responsible, mature or dealing with anything was more important. Keeping a job was apparently an impossible feat. Providing for his family was even more of an unfeasible exploit. And despite the marriage failed due to his obvious flaws, one might think his children would hold some sobriety in his soul.... but they would be mistaken.

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I have dealt with fury, anger, vengeance, rejection, insecurity and loss; not just for myself but for my brother and sister who I also saw dealing with the same sense of rejection and insecurity. For a long time, everything that went wrong in my life was his fault. If I failed a test, it was his fault I was stupid because he was drunk when I was conceived. If I got in trouble, it was his fault because.... it didn't matter, some how it was his fault.

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Then I finally realized that by saying that, it prevented me from controlling my own life. I was not being responsible for my own life or my own decisions. If everything was his fault, I saw only negative and not the positive. I decided to live my own life and except whatever My Consequences are, good or bad. He became Dead to me.

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For many years I couldn't even say the word "forgiveness" in the same sentence with his name. In fact, I couldn't even say his name or think about it without becoming enraged. But with him "dead to me", it wasn't something I needed to worry about. Periodically, the topic of my father would get brought up and I was encouraged to forgive. I thought about it and found it impossible. After all he had done to me, my siblings, my mother, my family ...."Hell No!" He didn't deserve it.

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One day someone mentioned forgiveness again. They talked about what it meant, how vengeance is the Lord's and how withholding it condemn us. I was certainly not going to be condemned because of him. But how do I forgive when I can barely say his name without spitting? They explained that forgiveness doesn't mean that we have to have a picnic and make balloon animals or anything out of a Rockwell painting, but instead I just don't wish harm upon him. It took some time but I finally quit hoping an anvil would fall from the sky...

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I have been able to say "I forgive him" for a while now without spitting or going into spasms, which is quite an improvement. I guess what I am thinking is that I don't wish him harm, which is how I can get it out with a straight face.

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It has been many many years since I have seen him. I have no intention calling him up and sitting down to coffee for a long overdue father-daughter chat. As far as I am concerned he was still dead to me and it wasn't necessary to get in touch.

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The day after Thanksgiving, my mom, brother, nephew and I went to my aunt's house to see my father's side of the family. My grandmother was there and an Uncle and Aunt I hadn't seen in several years. As we pull up, my brother says that "dad" (that is what he calls him) is there. I start screaming! "NO!!!! NOOO!!!!! I don't want to do this! I can't do this!!! NO! NOOO!!!" I felt frozen and scared! I felt bombarded with all different kinds of nightmarish emotions! What was I going to do? How can I get out of this?? What could I do?

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I made my way slowly in the house, careful to enter each room. I said hello to each person, keeping an eye out for this ghost that haunted me. I saw a figure enter the back door and blurted that I had to go to the bathroom before dashing down the hallway. I locked myself in the lue for some 20 minutes. I cried, attempted giving myself a pep talk, breathed deeply, felt nauseous, and finally, with shaky hands, turned the knob to make the journey back into the house. I crept slowly down the hallway and turned, standing in the archway of the living room, inspected each face before bravely stepping into the dimly light room. I made my way over to the corner of the couch and tucked myself into the darkened corner. I pulled the throw pillows over me and clutched them tightly while nervously playing with the tassels. My Aunt and I chatted while I kept a watchful eye on the archways, contemplating my escape route.

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Soon it was time to take my nephew home and my mom and brother were shortly out the door, leaving me behind. I quickly said goodbye to everyone attempting a hug for most of them closest to me, then took to flight out the door, slamming it behind me and ran the rest of the way down the driveway.

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It was over. The ghost was behind me. With nothing more for me to do than sort out my feelings, I pondered on why was I such a wreck? After all I had prayed and the progress I had made, why was I so distraught at the idea of coming face to face with the ghost? More so, I asked why was I expected to be civil and play nice with someone who had not shown me any empathy?

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All I can come up with is "Baby Steps". Slow progress. I still have some growing to do, I admit. Maybe in time, who knows. But for the time being, I don't like seeing ghosts and just assume not going through that again. I am comfortable where I am now and the Lord will prepare me for when the time is right. ---(to be continued???)---?

THANKSGIVING

Like most Americans, Thanksgiving has always been a time of Family and Feast. While I was stationed overseas during the holidays and away from my family, Friends (or co-workers) would gather and share this Holiday Feast. I am now Home and couldn't wait to be with my Family. To taste the giblet gravy, to have Granny's stuffing, and Aunt Trisa's glazed ham...mmm-good!!

Mom and I wake up at 2:30am to get ready for our long day. We must be on the road by 4AM to beat traffic and make it there by 8/9am. As we drive, the radio begins playing Christmas music??? It is Thanksgiving. It isn't even December yet?

[nostrils flair] This is something that has always disturbed me. Commercialism! It sickens me. Instead of wrapping yourself in the "Thankful Autumn Season", it's think buy and spend...(sigh)...but I digress.

So we made good time and hardly saw a car. We drop of our luggage at Granny's and load the car with pecan, pumpkin and chess pie, carrot cake and cranberry sauce before heading over to Aunt Trisa's. We were the first to arrive except for a mystery woman named Judy. She was very friendly and chatty but of no relation to any of us. I finally asked how she and Trisa were acquainted. She was a deer hunter with a lease on the land. My first reaction was "She isn't family, why is she hear? Can't she spend Thanksgiving with her own family???" Slowly other in-laws began to arrive. I asked about my cousins (Trisa's oldest sons) but Bo was in Colorado and Justin was having a small dinner with just his wife and kids. I was so upset that after all my excitement about finally being home for the first time in several years, my family wasn't even all there.

We all ate and enjoyed the delicious bounty spread out across the kitchen. We visited and moaned while rubbing our bellies that it was so good but we couldn't possibly eat another bite. Then out came the cakes and pies and banana pudding and we nibbled for another hour or so. Folks began to trickle out and back to their homes to nap before the traditional Cowboys game (which you can imagine that in Texas, it is more a ritual than a tradition). We tidied up the kitchen and packed little take home bags for everyone as they left. Just then, Justin and Kelly showed up and my excitement was back on track! We watched football and played board games and as the evening drew to an end, it was nice to be surrounded by the familiar loving family I cherish so much.

This morning I began to look for clips for my blog and I found this one. It reminded me of how the Pilgrims made their feast to give thanks, they didn't just invite family but welcomed the Indians to join the feast in giving thanks for there bounty. The Indians also brought venison and corn to add to this feast. I was glad Judy could join our feast and I am "thankful" she felt welcome!

I think we all could use a gentle reminder of this from time to time. I just wanted to share mine.

God Bless.

Ally!!

Here Ye, Here Ye!! All Hail Ally! This girl is definitely toppin' the charts of TCC! In fact, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she wrote the book (or at least gave the inspiration)!

Beautiful, spunky, out going, smart, classy, down-to-earth, dyn-O-mite.... but enough about me, she is just as wonderful! (Sorry Ally, I had too. hahaha)

Okay seriously, folks, she is a kick-ass mom, she is quite possibly the worlds best cook, she is a warm and loving friend, has strong convictions and a heart for God, she is a ball of fun and one of the best women one could ever know! She is a world class traveler and someone you want with when planning your next adventure.

She has met a wonderful man who loves and truly cherishes her like she deserves. She and Mike are a blessing to know, and he is a whiz in the kitchen too. Let me tell you that Thanksgiving is a real treat but forget about playing Taboo with these two. They can read each others mind, it's so cute! (God, I love these people!)

And little Maddie makes up the rest of this beautiful Family! She is such a smart young lady! She is so adorable and precious to me. I spent so much time with them in Germany, my second family.

I couldn't be happier for them. I wish them all the best and know they will be happy in love forever! I love you guys! I pray God showers you with His Blessings all your days!

Adoption makes a Beautiful Family II

So everyone is gearing up for Superbowl Sunday and the Cowboys are doing great. The girls at the dorm are planning a big Superbowl party!!

Thursday, Jan 25, 1996 - Dorm Inspection day.

First we have to see the doc and get our routine check-up. I am sitting on the floor and feel like there is a huge rubber band under my massive belly and two guys are on each end pulling. I see the doc, he says all looks good and sends me on my way.

So now my roommates and I have to clean our room. I am supposed to vacuum and make my bed. I make the bed and get out the vacuum. I need to rest! Feeling a little better, I finish vacuuming. This has worn me out and I need to relax. I make a nice hot bath and watch the soccer player foot kick field goals on my belly. Well, now I am too hot in this sauna and get out to go relax on the couch and watch some tv.

I tell another girl of my discomfort. She begins screaming that my water could have broke and I wouldn't even know it. I reassure her I wasn't due for a month and I wasn't in labor. She asks how I felt. I tell her and she starts screaming again and running around the room looking for the phone. She calls everyone in to take me to the hospital. I had already heard about false alarms and the 4 trips to the hospital and I was not going down that road. Once I went, that kid was out or I wasn't leaving! They hook me up to the monitors and decide I was far enough along to go to the hospital.

--A few hours later, Nicholas entered the world and I got to see the little boy that played rugby in my stomach. And oh my gosh did he have a lot of hair. I was so worried that Tim and Lisa would not want him. The next day, the nurses brought him in and I got to hold the little tyke. It was like I was on sleeping pills. I kept dozing off and dreaming I had dropped him only to jerk myself awake and see him peacefully napping in my arms.

I spoke with my counselor and explained my plight. I knew it was Superbowl Sunday but Nicholas HAD to be home for the game with his new Daddy! She understood completely. She arranged for the lawyers to come in first thing Sunday morning. After I signed, I took Nicholas to the placement room and waited for Tim and Lisa to sign their papers. Once they came in, I handed Nicholas over to Lisa and we all hugged.

When Mom and I walked out of the building, she broke down. I hadn't expected this. I had completely overlooked the fact he was as much a part of her as he was me. This was her 1st grandson.

The Cowboys win the Superbowl!!! Tim became a daddy and see the Cowboys beat the Stealers all in one day!!!

Tim and Lisa stayed in touch for many years sending cards, pictures, and letters. Nicholas is very involved with sports and band! He is very very happy!! They had adopted another little boy, Travis. Nicholas is a wonderful big brother.

This April I realized it had been some time since I had heard from them. I felt like they had finally moved on without me and I was no longer going to hear from them. I came to terms with this sad revelation and bought a black leather box to put all the cards and pictures in. I would put it up and not have them out as a constant reminder.

A few weeks ago, I came home to see the mail piled up on the table. A large plump envelope caught my eye. I looked at Mom and said, "You know what that is?!" She said "Yes. I was waiting for you to open it."

It was a letter from Lisa and some pictures. Seems like life with two growing boys keeps her busy!! She had been so busy taking them to games and practice etc, she hardly had time to sit.


So without further ado...

Now isn't that a beautiful family!!!



Lisa & Nicholas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Travis, Nicholas & Lisa










~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tim, Nicholas &Travis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adoption makes a Beautiful Family

When I was 18 and dating a silly boy, I got pregnant.

Now some of you may have very strong feelings about adoption... and so do I. I am a very strong supporter of it! Now don't get me wrong, I am not anti-abortion, holding a picket sign or anything; a woman's body is her own and it is her choice. I would just hope she would make the best EDUCATED decision for her and her child.

Well, I chose adoption. I decided to place my baby in a home with wonderful, christian, supportive parents who could better provide for a baby than I could.

The choice was not hard for me. Really, the hardest part (after crying my eyes out and praying I wasn't pregnant) was telling my mother. But after she stopped crying and told me she would support me in whatever I decided, I told her of my decision.

As life has a funny way of small coincidence and twists of fate, it turns out I had a relative that had done the same thing many years earlier. Mom suggested I talk to her. (This did not turn out to be a good decision however, I pray she finds healing). She had gone to The Edna Gladney Center and despite the experiences of others, my mind was made up and nothing would deter me from my pronouncement.

I called and spoke with the operators and got set up with a counselor. I moved up to the campus later and met some interesting characters (to say the least). There was of course the operator that checked me in. She was great (a real David Letterman fan)! Then there was the staff - all of them were absolutely terrific! I loved that place!! I got a room with a roommate and 2 suite mates and Oh, the stories I could tell.

~There was Jamie the crazy girl who cussed out her mom on a regular basis and hogged the phone every day/night. After she gave birth, she went nutso on me because I told her to let the other girls use the phone. She shoved my pregnant self on the floor and took to flight out of the building. She was moved to another room for that night and then threw chocolate pudding all down the hall walls. Needless to say, she wasn't there very much longer. (Not the mention wasting perfectly good chocolate pudding)

~Then there was Ronnie who was very sweet but very emotional. She liked to write poetry a lot. She did her fair bit of crying (but to be fair, pregnancy can do that to a person).

~Then there was Tonya. This girl was like 6'2" and barely looked pregnant while I am 5' and looked like a stuffed turkey when I was only 5 months... She and I stayed in touch for quite a while. But like most things, we have lost touch.


Then there were the other girls.

~There was Becca, who was a great gal and I thought very fondly of. Her mom was apparently Jewish and I would always do the "Coffee Talk" thing when she would call. (I thought that was hysterical!!) Becca and I would ponder all kinds of theoretical conversations and debate on nothing. She was one who I also lost touch with but think of now and then.

~There was Rachel (of which we are still friends to this day). Now this is a story of friendship - let's just say, despite the fact we had a nasty rocky patch that involved total humiliation and me hurtling a bottle of nail polish across a room, our friendship is all the more strong.

~There was Nicole who I about ripped her head off when we first met. That story goes like this. She had walked up to me the first evening she was there and knew my name and family and everything. Out of complete shock, I snapped at her (though I have no idea what I said, just that it was not very nice). I later apologized and we have been friends ever since.

~There was Molly, who we all liked, but she seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth.

~There was a homeless girl who had already been pregnant some 22 times. She had lots of psychological problems. There was the time we ordered pizza and she spit out a bite saying it was awful, only hours later dug it out of the trash and ate it (yuck!!). Then there was the time she went crazy on her then roommate saying she was a devil worshiper and listening to satanic music, then ran screaming up and down the hallway (yeah, she is the crazy one?!?!?!). I got the roommate and 'homeless girl' got the boot. At least, we never saw her again.


Later I met Donna, another staff member. She is one of my most precious friends! She was my 'Secret Santa' and we hit it off so well as friends, we have been so ever since.

So I had my counselor, Julie, and she helped me pick a family. I told her my expectations of parents for my child and she found some profiles that matched. I reviewed several portfolios. Some sounded great on paper but their pictures did not look warm and happy. Some looked happy but something on paper sounded amiss.

~There was the basketball coach whose wife looked like Tammy Faye did her makeup. 1st, I am only 5' and the birth father isn't much taller so the basketball coach is out and 2ndly, there is no way that woman is going to teach my little girl how to put on makeup.

~There were the Catholics who had 4 kids already. I want my child to be the 1st, not lost in the litter.

~There was the Hispanic whose wife had 2 inch black roots to her frizzy over processed hair. While the heritage combo is right (me being white and the birth father Hispanic) those roots just would not do.

(Not that I am that nasty of a person, but in choosing the people that are going to raise your child, you are going to be picky.)

There were a few others but when I found Tim and Lisa, I just KNEW. They were perfect. I loved their pictures and everything they said. I spoke with them for hours on the phone and we went out to eat a few times. What wonderful people!

During all this time, I was doing an Outreach Program with The Gladney Center. We would go to different groups (schools, churches, even on campus panels) and tell our story. Our purpose was not to say "Hey get pregnant and place your child!" but rather, be smart and know ALL your options and make the BEST Decision for you and your child. I really liked doing it even though one time we had a real "Jerry Springer" moment at this local high school. It was kinda crazy to be sitting in a class room and have all these pregnant teens stand up and start screaming at us for giving our kids away to strangers (like we were throwing in a dumpster). I (or we) explained how we can be very involved (as much as you would like to be) in the process.

Well, the time is getting close to give birth and Superbowl is rolling around. Tim is a big Cowboys fan and they were doing very well that year. The baby wasn't due till February but I prayed it would great for Tim to have a son home just in time for Superbowl and the Cowboys would win. (The state of Texas law says the birth mother has to wait 48 hours from time of birth before signing the adoption papers. Which means the baby would have had to be born no later than Friday morning)

The ultrasound shows a boy and while his name was planned to be Jack, a last minute call changed it to Nicholas. As soon as I heard the name, it was like hearing something you had been trying to think of forever and it was just on the tip of your tongue. Yes! That was his name.

So everyone is gearing up for Superbowl Sunday and the Cowboys are doing great. The girls at the dorm are planning a big Superbowl party!!


...to be continued....

I just don't get it...!!

So it would appear that there was all this HYPE about getting my number to an old high school crush. Apparently he had asked to get in touch with me. It has been over a month since this chap asked for my number and I still have not heard from him. Punk!!!

I mean, I understand that guys have a different time table than girls (or whatever) but why would someone ask for a number, and then NOT Call???? That makes no sense. I just don't get it.

[The story: About a month ago, Brooke calls and says she doesn't know the whole story but so-n-so called so-n-so called her to say that {D} wants to get in touch with me. I ask why but said "Fine." She was supposed to get more details. She wasn't able to apparently. Needless to say, she never saw {D} but gave it to so-n-so (a week later), who gave it to {D} a week after that. So {D} has had at the very least 2 weeks to call.

BUT I am NOT waiting all day by the phone! OH NO! I am way to busy for that!!!

I am a girl on the go! I've got places to go and things to do.

I am on the move!!! There is no keeping me down.

( que music )
"Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride

Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no

I got to keep on movin'

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

I'm running and I won't touch ground Oh-no,

I got to keep on movin'"

Adventure Bound!

Well this is looking to be a pretty adventurous weekend....

Okay, maybe not that adventurous!!

We are heading to Lampasas to pick up the cutest little 2 year old alive!!!! Kaysten is coming to stay a week with his Nany (Naw-ny) and his Aunt Jodi. I am sure he is just thrilled - I know I am!

Additionally, Brooke will be coming to visit and Trisha may stop by too. (Some of you may remember that I haven't seen Trisha in 12 years).

All in all, it looks like it is going to be a jam packed, fun filled weekend!

What's all the hype?

So it is Halloween...

Maybe I have just got old but when I was a kid it was about dressing up and getting candy. I don't remember it to be demonic... but it seems like more things are these days.

The last time I went to rent a movie, it was 80% horror flicks from murder, demonic possession to outright gore.

What happened to the scary movies that were more humor...? More so, what happened to comedy?

These are the classics. These are the ones that stand the test of time! (pictures from Young Frankenstein)

These movies you can watch without having nightmares for a month, needing to sleep with the light on, developing a new phobia or needing psychiatric help after watching.

So with that little tirade, enjoy your holiday!

Stay safe and don't eat too much candy.

....and ....

....if your blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits; Puttin' on the Ritz.

a Girl and her Nephew

He is too cute and our time with him is few and far between. They grow so fast it is hard to keep up with them.

A few weeks ago was my company picnic an Mom and I had Kaysten for the week. He had so much fun playing with the kids and keep away from the dog.

But after all his running and chasing and playing... he is tired and and knows there is only one place to be....
...with Aunt Jodi!

What a sweet little boy. As Kaysten would say "YES SIR!!!"

Picture Perfect

Some of readers have asked about the picture of the surfer girl:

This is not me. I have never been on a surfboard but truth be told, after writing "A Day at the Beach" I was curious about trying.

In the article, I was merely using the analogy of surfing and using the picture as a visual.

When I do actually go surfing, I will post the real pic's and let you all have a good laugh with me.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy!

Unexpected Reunion

How excited am I!!! 12 years I tell you! 12 YEARS!!!!

[ When I was in high school, I had my 'click' of friends. We weren't a big group....in fact, we weren't even a group.
There were a few of us from Drama Class that hung out in class. As time goes, we lose touch and grow apart. One of my dear friends more fell off the planet. I can't say how it happened. I think she might have moved and I couldn't find her. Alas, she was gone and what seemed like forever.
I have inquired from my (VBFF) Brooke if there is any word of this disappearing damsel but the answer is always "No". ]

Yesterday I get a friend request from mySpace. Some person writes.... This is Trisha, do you remember me?" (12 Years!) I ask which Trish was this..... "The one from H.S.!"

And here she is with her almost grown beautiful children. My how time flies! I can't believe it.

How excited am I! After all this time, my friend and I are again reunited. I am truly blessed in this life. Not with riches and gold that you can not take with you and doesn't know your name; but with people who remember you and carry your name in their hearts.

Thank you Lord for giving me the riches that matter!

Heather!

OMG!!! It might be easier to list the things she doesn't do...

The world is her playground!!! She jet sets around the globe like a pro...okay, that may be a bit of a stretch. She is a pro and the military does take her to some unique locations (to say the least).

She totally Rocks!!!! Despite her professional demeanour, she knows how to cut loose! She really knows how to appreciate good (loud, rock) music!

HELLO!!!! She scales walls. She is athletic, sporty, and drives a jeep! Just check out those gams! What a woman. ("I am woman, hear me roar.")

~

~

So maybe now you are thinking, "So she is athletic, sporty, rocker, great personality, smart, witty, and still single?!?!?!?! What must she look like?"

...

...

Well, she is HOT! She is elegant and classy. She is perfectly charming, stunning and delightful.

~

~

~

But most importantly to me, she is my friend. She is a wonderful friend! I am blessed in my life to have friends as great and totally cool as Heather.

Heather, YOU ROCK! and thanks for being this totally cool chics friend!

TINA

Tina is a Totally Cool Chic. She is one fantastic friend I count as a blessing! She is smart. She is independent and strong. She is loyal, funny, true, a good cook, a good travel companion, adventurous, and a believer. She is a great story teller and a good listener. She is not a Drama Queen. She does not have to be the center of attention despite the fact she is beautiful. She is down home, humble and honest. She can can be elegant or be just as comfortable in jeans or sweats and slippers. She is a wonderful friend.

She is also a very respected professional. I look up to her as an ethical leader because she is fair and as non-bias as one can be. I shout her praise from the top of the Alps!

All Hail Tina, A Totally Cool Chic.

Totally Cool Chics (TCC)

I am not trying to boast here but I gotta say that I think I am one of many totally cool chics! I did not come by this all on my own so I can not take full credit! I have known some pretty amazingly awesome chics in my life and think they deserve their due props. So I want to have a "shout out" if you will of some pretty amazing, real-life, totally awesome chics!!!!! They are in no order of importance or ranking; just as I think of them, they get a "shout out". So listen up, keep an eye open, and lend me your ears 'cuz you may be one of the outstanding, phenominal chics I post about!

A Day at the Beach

It is a nice sunny day and we have averted a Tropical Depression. I paddle out to test the waters. It has been a while since I have actually "stood up to surf" (once again, bear with the analogy). I am a little nervous. How soon do I stand? Do I start slow and play over cautious? Do I jump up and take the first wave that rolls my way. I am trying to remain calm and play it by ear but I still feel apprehensive. It's been such a long time since I have actually experienced any waves.

So I crouch low and clutch the board tightly like a beginner. I breathe deep and try to relax. I made it through and didn't fall (even if I did look a little awkward). That's a start. I guess it will become more comfortable eventually.

Letters

In rummaging through some old letters I came across one I had written many years ago when I was but a wee lass. I think I was going to write it out several times and send it to all those persons I felt deserved receiving a copy. Being that the Internet lets me type it once and then all my closest and dearest friends can read it whilst everyone else can Ooh and Aww! (chuckles)
So here it is; the long awaited letter of my early years to my most cherished friends:

Recently someone said to me that a person was lucky if they found one true friend in life. Well, I am blessed for I have many. I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have those friends. I want to thank each of you for being a True Friend to me and making such a wonderful difference in my life! I hope you can say I did as much for you as you have done for me.
There is also something else I want to share with you. Something that is very close and dear to me. That is Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure you know Him. But just in case, I want to tell you about Him. You see, I LOVE HIM just as I love you. One day when we are all in Heaven, I would want all of you to be there. He is a wonder and a blessing and He is the best friend anyone could ever have. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light, and none shall pass through the gates of Heaven except through HIM.. So if you don't know Him, please seek Him. If you do, Amen!!

I Love You and in Jesus name,
I pray for you
Love and God Bless,
Jodi

Well, I may not have been a young R. Frost but at least my heart was in the right place. Thank you for reading! Many happy days!
Jodi

Riptide got me...

[Pardon the analogy]

So there I am, sitting blissfully on my surf board and chatting up with the new surfer, both seemingly admiring the view when *BAM!* I'm sucked into a riptide. "Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water" you get blindsided.

Talk about feeling like a loser! Your flirting and laughing and having a great time, all the while you can't help but think to yourself, "He thinks I am clever and funny and cute". That's when it happens, you fall off your board and all that's left is some hands and feet flailing about (yeah, real graceful!).


Well, I am a strong woman and I know how to recover. I am a pro at dusting off my scraped knees. My final message to surf board boy:

"Isn’t it funny how two people can have the same experience and get completely different things from it? I had a great time talking to you and I am really going to miss your emails. I had other “get to know you” questions but I didn’t want you to feel too bombarded so I held back for a little while (looks like too long, hahaha). I am sorry I couldn’t email you last night but I was having internet problems. I can’t help but feel like I said something wrong (perhaps I should have sent naked photos… Do you think it would have helped?). I of course wish you the absolute best of luck. I hope you keep reading my blog and comment now and then. It will be a true delight to hear from you again. Please take care"
.......

Hey look at that, the surfs up again. I guess it is time to go back out and get my feet wet!


Gods Blessings to you all.

Dating Evolved Part II

So a little (and I do mean little) research was done and here goes:

"Courtship in America"

Dating in the 20th Century

Dating, a new form of mixed-sex socializing, arose in the nation's growing cities during the second decade of the twentieth century. It replaced earlier kinds of socializing that had been found in small towns and rural areas, both casual forms of mixing - such as church outings, picnics, sleigh rides, hay rides, and community dances - and also the formal process of calling, in which a young man paid a visit to a young woman's house and was entertained in her parlor.

Both casual mixing and calling were overseen by adults - parents, kin, church members, and others in the community - and took place in mixed age settings.

The word dating entered the American language during the 1910s. It was connected to the emergence of new kinds of commercial amusements, such as amusement parks, ice cream parlors, and especially the movies, and to the rise of the automobile. As early as the 1890s, young people in the rapidly growing cities had begun to spend more of their leisure time in commercial settings, such as amusement parks, dance halls and nickelodeons.

......

Dating, unlike calling, was not about finding a mate. It was about having fun with a member of the opposite sex. At a time when gender relations were particularly distant, dating provided a way to bridge the gap. Also unlike calling, which was monitored by adults, the dating system was overseen by peers and set rules for dating. Through gossip and teasing, it helped determine who one could go out with and how much sexual intimacy was allowed.

Dating was highly gendered. A boy was expected to ask a girl out, pay for a date, and provide the transportation. In return, he expected physical intimacy: a good-night kiss or petting. A young woman was responsible for resisting any inappropriate sexual advances.

During the '20s and '30s, a young woman's popularity was measured by how frequently she was asked out on dates. ....Sociologist later discovered that those young woman who dated the most were the least likely to pursue an advanced education and were especially likely to marry young.

......"

for more info go to: http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/

The question I pondered was "what happened to courting". I guess since courting had a lot to do with "responsible" adults in the community and mature parents chaperoning events and gathering, and there has been a breakdown of that in the community and the community itself, courting has possibly become extinct to most.

So now dating has become, like most things, on-line. There are plenty different websites to choose from. There are chat rooms galore. I wonder if I am too old fashioned for this new dating method.

But a gals gotta get here feet wet sometime and the fishin' hole I am in seems to be all out of good bass and full of little perch.

I am learning how to "surf" the web and choose only the "righteous waves". Let's hope I can find a good one without being sucked in by rip tides or fall prey to lurking sharks.

(man I am pretty good with these analogies, wouldn't ya say)

Well, for those out there ridin' the waves, have faith that a good wave will come in eventually. You just kinda have to ride out a few little ones till your right one comes along. (I don't much about surfing so this may not be a good analogy). In the meantime, enjoy the view and wave hello to me out there waiting with ya!

High School Drama

Question: What people still care about what their high school classmates think....?

1. Their glory days were in h.s. and their life seems down hill from there.

2. Some never left the small town so their horizon didn't grow past the city limits.

3. They didn't see themselves as "popular" and despite their accomplishments, they still seek the (perceived) "cool kids" approval.

Admittedly, I was in the 3rd category.

(start dream sequence)

I used to want to go to my h.s. reunion in a stretch limo with a stud on my arm, in a fabulous dress and knock 'em all dead...

(bubble pops)

Recently I have joined the new pop culture "MySpace" club. One of it's great features allows you to be a part of you schools alumni. Just one click on your schools link and you can see all the faces from past to present!

So as I said, " I was in the 3rd category." I used to think I wasn't much of anybody and no one would even remember me. I looked through those faces and hardly recognized any of them. Then I saw 1 familiar friend. Of course you must add each other as friends to your page! (note the sarcasm)

Well as MySpace goes, I start getting all these "friends" request from complete strangers wanting me to "Add" them (or buy something). I'm thinking, "Who Are YOU?" Why would I add you to my friends? No offense folks, but I don't know you. All these people seeking acceptance (or just commercialism). Call me old fashioned or even intimate but I don't see the need to paste complete strangers on MySpace at some desperate attempt for others who view my page to think I'm cool because I know hundreds of scantly clad women or men posing with dead animals, drunk women, or their cars, trucks, dogs or bikes.

So one day I get a message from a girl who went to my ol' "Almamator" asking me to "add" her as a friend. She looks vaguely familiar. We were never friends, we never hung out, so again I wonder "Why add you to my friends?"

So back to the "was" part. I have realized that don't care what those people from h.s. think. I don't care to ever go to a reunion. I've grown, I've moved past those days, h.s. is over. I've kept the friends that mattered and I've made new ones that sculpted me as a better and wiser person. I don't have to seek their approval, they love me just as I am.

*********************************

So those of you who just gotta know what some of us have been doing.....

Some of us have a followed a dream and never let it go:

***

Some have served well and still found a way to express themselves:

*****

Some of us really know how to just enjoy the view:









***
As for me, I am doing it all!

Dating evolved?

Some recent frustrations I have experienced with Internet on-line dating:
1. People who do not post pictures....!!!!
A. Pictures of groups or more than one girl/guy (Which one are you supposed to be?)
B. Pictures that are more than 2 years old
C. Pictures without a visible face
D. Not even people (i.e. pet, cross, cartoon, graphic... the list goes on)

2. Improper Grammar!!!
A. Misspelled words
B. No Capitalization
C. No punctuation
D. Obvious disregard for proofing all together (words they have grouped and make absolutely no sense)

3. Sites that talk about their 21 points of interest and matching you with people of similar interest ...
But then you put in your Must Haves/Can't Stands; these are the matches they give (distance, children, etc)


So what happened to Courting? How did people meet before? How has dating evolved???
Sounds like a good topic for my next blog. I think this calls for a little research. I could take a poll and this would be a good way to meet some folks... ya know, (cockney accent:)"two birds and a stone and all that"
So my journey for answers begins....

What do you think? I value my readers insight....send me your thoughts.

Journey

Life is all about the journey not the destination, right?




I think Robert Frost said it best:



"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."



Well I am enjoying the view. Taking time to appreciate a few finer things....

.... though to be perfectly honest, whilst I enjoy this time, I do still concern my thoughts with being a responsible adult.
Alas, I give my prayers to God and trust in him to lead my way. I have surrendered my life to Him and He has a purpose for me.

Some days are worse than others

I have been looking at MySpace to make friends and meet new people in the same boat as me (ie. single, 30s, no kids, christian...and there aren't many apparently...but I digress). I do hope to some day cross the path of my Godly man (see: APB) but in the mean time, I need some friends to hang out with.

So I am chatting with a perspective "new guy/friend" and I tell a friend about it. He starts saying, "What's wrong with him to be that age and still single?" I reminded him that I am only a few years from that age and what was his point.... He goes into how to be a certain age and never married, that something must be wrong....
.... he must have been tapped into the evil voice in my head that I am always trying to shut out...

See, I used to think that way (when I was in my early 20s) that if a guy wasn't married, something was wrong with him. He was a total jerk that no one wanted or so disgusting that he couldn't find anyone. I feared I would get stuck in this pool of losers.

Well now I am in my 30s (and all the wiser) and I feel this is not the case. My perspective has changed. I chose to believe that there are those of us out there that (for one reason or another) haven't found the right one and wouldn't settle for less than what we deserved.

So then my friend says I am too picky (he read APB)... I acknowledge that while it may be a long list, most of them are attributes of character and not a physical description of the "perfect man".

So call it what you want, say what you will... I am a woman of class and merit and I will not settle for less.

Cheers to all those who are waiting for a worthy mate. Good luck on your search!!!

My Acceptance Speach

I just re-read my last blog and it begins to trail off as though I am accepting my Oscar.
~
I am standing on a stage in front of all of Hollywood's most elite and
wearing a beautiful and glamorous white flowing gown made of the
most delicate silk and spun satin. I have just been handed Oscar and
as I list all those that made an impression on me and "I would like to
thank ...." the music begins to play and I am gently lead of stage before
I can finish my gracious speech.....
~
Alas, I hope you all know who you are and that my love for you is great.


Okay, enough about everyone else, back to me. HaHa.

check up from the neck up

Well I am hangin' on to reality by a thread.... lots and lots of prayer getting me through the day.
And let me tell you about "affirmations and edifications".

I have been praying about a different job. The phone rings last night and Fran is on the other end telling me she has found a HR job. Today the phone rings and the woman on the end was looking for my brother but ended up offering me a job. I really feel warm fuzzies about these opportunities and affirmed that I on track.

I have been in a LOT of prayer about my "husband". I spent some time with God just talking about him and how can I be in love with someone He has not brought to me. The phone rings and it is Fran. She showers me with praise and blessings that I am on the right track. She was channel surfing and just seen a televised sermon about living the life of a wife when looking for a husband. She edified me that I was "speaking him into existence".

I have been blessed in my life with Angels all around. My list of blessings are long and I am so grateful.
some of My Angels include: (and in no particular order)
my Mom
Tina
Emirza
Angi and Gil
Brian
Sunshyne
Fran
Donna
....
trust me when I say this list will be very long

I am so thankful to each of you for the blessings you brought to my life. I love you and praise your name!!!

A.P.B.

Ok folks , it's time to get serious ! No more tomfoolery, No more idle chat; Were on a mission and the mission is a man hunt!
~~~

All points bulletin: A Godly Man
Height: 5'8" - 6'0"
Age: 31 - 36
Status: Single - never married
Children: No
Smoker: No
Attributes: Handsome & Charming ( Song of Songs 1: 16 )
Good Kisser ( Song of Songs 1 : 2 )
Loves me as Christ loves the church ( Eph 5 : 25 - 28 )
Strong & Supportive ( Song of Songs 2: 5 - 6 )
Respects me ( Song of Songs 2: 2 )
Noble, Kind, Gracious, Wise
Outgoing, Witty, Smart, Funny
Adventuresome & likes the outdoors
Righteous and Virtuous
Work Ethics > Respected, Diligent, Efficient
LEADER
Seeks Gods Will
My Protector & My Companion
( Song of Songs 7: 10 " I belong to my lover, and he desires for me. " )
~~~
( Mission Impossible music starts.... )

This mission should you choose to except it will require your full support
and devotion. It may require countless hours of prayer, observation and profiling.
(All prospective candidates must have a recent photo to be considered for courtship)

*** this message will not self destruct ***

Sunshyne

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away...


Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday...."

Where is my Sunshyne? I know she is having a great summer with her boys and having a blast moving to the Tennessee (with all those boxes to pack, unpack, sort, arrange, etc...) but I miss my Sunshyne.
I miss our cups of coffee and our desserts. I miss our long philosophical discussions or our emotional rants. Who else can fill her shoes? NO-ONE.
http://choicecentral.blogspot.com/2007/01/forecast-sunshyne-with-cup-of-jo.html
http://sunshynem.blogspot.com/2007/01/lip-gloss-never-leave-home-without-it.html

I hope that you are doing well and shining brightly. I hope you stay in touch and keep me posted (hahahaha). I hope you know how wonderful you are and how warm your heart is. I hope that no matter how much time goes by that you know...(music begins to play)
"You've got a friend in me.
You've got a friend in me.
If you've got troubles, and I got 'em too.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
If we stick together we can see it through,
Cause you got a friend in me.
Yeah, you got a friend in me.
Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am.
Bigger and stronger too.
But none of them will ever love you the way I do,
It's me and you, boy.
And as the years go by,
Our friendship will never die.
You gonna see it's our destiny.
You got a friend in me. "

Take care and be blessed.

Elaine

So they say I am Elaine. Every time my friend Emirza watches Seinfeld, she laughs and says "..there's Jodi.." and every time I talk to my friend David, he says "...okay, Elaine." In fact last night he said he is just going to start calling me Elaine from now on. He says talking to me is like being in a Seinfeld episode.
How funny! My mom says that I more like her in the "New Adventures of Old Christine". Either way Julia must be channeling me when she gets her inspiration. I am flattered and all, but I would like to receive some proceeds from the royalties.

So for all those out there who appreciate Elaine (or Christine), give me a call, drop me a line, or send me a check (haha)!

In the meantime, dance!

{rant}

So my heart thinks it is in love (or something that may possibly resemble it) and wants to sing and float on sugary clouds of pink and blue cotton~candy....and why shouldn't it?
...because it knows nothing!!!! My heart is a blind fool. True love is more than just feelings and the wise know that. True love is founded on knowing a person and wanting to be with them. It is weighing the good with the bad and being endeared to that person despite their imperfections - not overlooking them or being blind to them.
Well my heart is like the draught desert to a spring monsoon, barren and thirsty to drink up as much as it can.
So why can't a woman of sound mind, reasonable intelligence, and "women's intuition" not seem to get control of her hearts filtering pulses despite the fact she knows better? It is a very disturbing place to be; a tug-of-war of the body. And I do feel stretched thin emotionally (though I don't look it). I still have my pleasant and plump face with my Cheshire grin.
So where is Abby or Ruth when you need them? Where is the knight in shining armour to ride gallantly up on his noble stead and sweep me off my feet? I many not be Cinderella but I am most certainly not the stepsister either. I am Elaine: funny, witty, quirky, smart, beautiful and charming.
So in closing I would like to add the comments from yesterdays blog that my dear friend Gil wrote for me. My own little poem.

Without a hoot,
Yet demure as on owl,
As she counts out loot,
She is on the prowl.

While she goes through the motions,
Of being a teller,
Forget other notions:
She'll deposit a feller!

Not a 20 or 10,
No small denomination,
Only the choicest among men,
For matrimonialization.

Handsome and tall, Godly and just,
A leader of all, Yet kind and robust.
Jodi does seek, And Jodi shall find,
A man as meek,As Jesus was kind.


Thank you so much Gil for that poetic prayer.

...a second out of my day

So I am training for my new job. I am at the computer reading pages and pages of text learning all the important details of this new and exciting career. (Meanwhile trying to stay awake)
But what am I more interested in??? Is it the window to my right that looks out on a beautiful sunny summer day? ..............................
....NO! It is the window to my left that overlooks the lobby with all the customers coming in.
But why you may ask. True that I am a "People Watcher" but not right now. I am scoping the crowd for a handsome stranger. A gentleman caller. A date....
...or if nothing else to make some new friends in this new place.
Alex, Alex, where ever you may be, take this loneliness far away from me.

Hope you are all having a good day.

...still alive...

Yes folks I am still alive. I do apologize for my lengthy absence. I have been busy with bible studys, church family, and long naps on the couch.... hahaha
Let's see, one of my new favorites is HGTV. I think I am well on my way to becoming a junky. I almost can't get enough of it. I have decided that I am going to major in Interior Design and Landscape Architect so I can buy the "ol' fix-er-up-er" and start renovating!!!! I have a ton of FANTASTIC IDEAS!!!!!!!
Aside from that I just got highered at a local bank so I am back in employment. (yeah me)
No new news on the love life front. I am thinking about the pro/con between eHarmony vs. MySpace....
I will be in touch soon enough so please stay tuned...............

This is crazy crazy crazy...

So this week.... where should I begin? I guess it all started Friday.

We get a call from my nephew's mother that she is being gracious and letting us have visitation after only 6 months. So at the drop of a hat, we pack our bags and race the 272 miles to meet her, only for her to arrive THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATE. Mind you it has been a very long time to this 2 year old since he last saw us. So he is very upset because his mother is leaving him with people he doesn't know (remember) because it has been so long since she has allowed us visitation. Finally after about 20 minutes, he settles down to play with his toys; yet it isn't before 1am before he falls asleep. So the weekend goes on like this, in stages from happy 2 year old to screaming for mommy because he doesn't get his way.... oh the problems with separated dis functional family...

Monday (Memorial Day) - Kaystin is back home with mom and we are heading back home only to hit torrential flood waters and blinding buckets of rain. My brother calls to say he will take another route in hopes for better weather and traffic but his story is too sad to tell...( he lives and is free but that is for another blog -- and leather chaise). After a few hours in the car, philosophical conversation turns to bitter reality and harsh acceptance turns to "raindrops falling from my eye-eye, falling from my eyes"...(psst, it's a song)... then an hour or so of no talking till we get home only to hear my brothers unfortunate turn of events... (enter therapist now)

Tuesday is looking better. It is new day with the sun peeking out now and then. I decide to check out a new church (see, here I was thinking it was Wednesday...don't ask). So I get to the church and I am sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes or so and wondering where everybody is...don't they know what today is.... (chuckles). So I call my very good friend and christian sister Nicole to chat as I wait. She answers and we visit for a second, then the question...
"What day is it?"
Nicole: "Tuesday"
"What? I was sure it was Wednesday.."
So I tell her the story of how I am waiting and was I the only one who knew what day it was.....etc....
(followed by hysterical laughing)

I told her about the weekend and how I was bummed out on the drive back. She shared this with me..."God inhabits the Praise of His People!" Those words healed me and restored my joy. Thank you Nicole!

Life goes on, kasarasara (song too).
This too shall pass. GLORY BE!

PS. thank you to those who pray for me, for family, for friends! Amen and Hallelujah

Theme song

So I now have a theme song! I am really excited about it. I have heard that it is good to have a song that makes you feel good or defines you...well I love a lot of songs but none ever stood out to me to be THE song.

So there I was, driving home to Texas. I was getting out of a 7 year career in the military and going back home to start over. I was stepping out in faith. I had ideas but nothing solid to stand on and that is a little scary....okay, very scary. Going from a steady paycheck with yearly raises and bonuses plus full benefits to nothing. I mean I have my MK career and a fantastic support network but it is still unnerving. So I am driving along and enjoying the freedom. I have the sunroof open and the radio cranked to some of the greatest road music (SRV, Fabulous Thunderbirds, Foreigner, Jimi Hendrix, Duran Duran, etc..). So the disc changes and Mercy Me starts playing. The first song, "I worship you"! I sing aloud. I start it over and sing it louder. I start it over, turn it up, raise my hand through the sunroof and sing as loud as I can. I must have sang that song 5 times....
Then I realized that was it!!! That was my theme song. I was so excited that I had finally found it.

So there you have it. The discovery and the song.

If you have a song, sing it out loud, hands raised, volume cranked and joy in your heart!!!

Blue Like Jazz

Sunshyne read it and loved it. I picked it up and saw why. The more I read, the more I love it. It is funny, witty, true, and insightful.

"Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality" is the overall gist.

I haven't yet finished it yet but I highly recommend it, whatever your faith is, it has something for everyone.

a Lesson learned

Danny and I dated for about 7 months. Now some may scoff that that is a very short time and perhaps so; but when the heart gets broken, what does time mean?
I was in love and thought he loved me. Now, years later, I wonder what did my time in his life mean? Did I mean anything to him? Was I for nothing? these are the questions I ask and the things I fear.
~
Skip ahead to Sam. We dated for about 4 months. We had a great time. An almost perfect relationship. I joined the military and moved away. Our paths seperated and shorly after so did we. To me, it was the end of a chapter and my focas was on the road ahead. Five years go by and periodicly he shows up at my family's home to inquire on how we all are. "Why?" I thought there was closure -- at least there was for me.
I had to get an answer. Another year goes by and I finally get to ask him "why?".
"Friends" he says. That our friendship meant something to him. Now I (being a mature and rational adult) explain we only dated for 4 months (not long) and how could that be so important to him...??!?!?!
He was hurt and I couldn't figure out why. I kept thinking "4 months....4 months....what's the big deal?!?"
~
Today it has all come together. Today I have learned this lesson. He wanted to know that his time in my life meant something. He wanted to mean something to me. He wanted to know that he was not for nothing. All those questions I had...all the answers I wanted. The tables had turned and what had I done to assure that person that he did make a difference in my life. That he was important.
~
Yes, he was important and his time was not for nothing.