How I hate that dog!

Is it normal to hate a dog so much?!?

Where do I start? Do I start with this mornings playful joking that got twisted into a lecture about how I verbally abuse his dog or do I start with the spat that turned into a full blown argument over lettuce, lunch and ignoring a question? Or how about the fact that the goal was to work on the house but it was spent on the couch (granted sick most the week) watching Bear Grylls and Stargate SG1.

Now don't get me wrong - I know my faults and I am the worst procrastinator. All I am saying is don't get mad about someone else doing the same thing you do. Like when I ask for help and get no response because you are reading an important letter but then get mad at me because I didn't respond to your question about lettuce because I was digging the grocery list out of my pocket. This turned into the fight about lunch (since I hadn't eaten all day) and he saying we weren't going to eat till 3pm. (Basically, we were both having our own conversation and not filling in the lines between the two to make them one. - I was saying, "yes, I want a salad for lunch." and he is saying "Do you want a salad with the burgers I am cooking at 3?" Needless to say, we didn't get salad, and left the store hungry and grumpy. )

So this morning everything is fine and joking about the dog till it became a lecture about how I verbally abuse his dog. That right there makes me hate her even more. Then I come home and she is getting into the bread, as if we don't give her enough treats and spoil her all the time. She has stepped on our baby, Marli. She has sat on his 8 yr old nieces head. She sulks, whimpers and whines. She drives me crazy. And mostly because he dotes and pampers her so damn much. What is with that?

I feel very stressed and frustrated today. I know it isn't all because of the dog, but she is the straw that broke the camels back so she gets the brunt of my frustration.

The hardest thing to do...

...is keep my mouth shut!

I tell myself repeatedly that I am going to keep my mouth shut. But then she goes and pulls some stunt and I can't help myself!

It drives me crazy! It makes me nuts.

• How can you talk about how far behind your kid is and not see that 1.) it is in great part your fault! & 2.) your doing the same thing with the other kid!!


• Your kid is sick. He has a terrible cough and other symptoms; yet you take him out in shorts and no shoes on a cold and rainy day. Seriously?!


• You complain on a regular basis about your children and your sad life, but when given the tools to help, you do nothing. (again point one, your children education). Riddle me this, should a 6 year old know how to tie his shoes and should a 3 year old know his colors by now?? UGH!


• (the list goes on)

I have to blog this because I can't speak about it. It is all I can do to bite my tongue.

I am beside myself right now. Does no one else not feel the need to slap this idiot for being such a bad parent? It is disgraceful.

Rubbish, filth, slime, muck. Putrescence!

Ugh!!

A sad little fish indeed

I tend to get caught in a thought like a fish caught in a net. I struggle and flip out till I get myself so tangled in a mess, I strangle myself.

This is a very bad habit of mine.

Especially in matters of the heart. I have this ol' friend, or so I once thought. It seemed that this friend could anticipate my thoughts before I even had them. He was my best friend and my first love. We shared the same passions and believed in each other, or so I once thought.

Every so often, that little ghost comes back with the same haunting questions. I have been pondering lately what would I say, or how would I act, if given the chance to come face to face with this person today. ... Let's just say, it isn't a pretty picture. It plays out very soap opera like.

So tonight, while I play the scenario in my head, the idea hits me (in the middle of my imaginary tongue lashing to him), I was wrong. I was wrong when I thought I really knew him. I was wrong when I thought he cared as much for me as I did for him. I was wrong when I thought I was his first love too. At least, it is the only way I can maybe get closure on this and put to rest this haunting ghost.

I was WRONG!

....I knew girls who went crazy on old boyfriends and trashed their stuff or flattened the tires or something. I didn't want to be that girl. I wanted to be the one that 20 years later, that guy looked back and thought, "What ever happened to Jodi?" - Well, most of us stayed friends anyway, but the one guy who I would really want to remember me apparently doesn't have the time.

Not to seem stalker about the whole thing like it was a week long romance but we are talking about my first love, my very best friend, my high school sweetheart.

Alas, I was mistaken. I was misguided. I was naive. I was simply wrong.

The thing about a fish caught in a net, if it doesn't panic and gives itself a little time to think, it can get free of the strangling hold the net has on it. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes, that little fish might break free.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia isn't always what it is cracked up to be..... some memories should be erased with time.

Sharing Prayer

Back when I was in Mississippi, we had a fellowship that met on Sundays. I loved it. Sometimes though, while asking about each others week, some would tend to focus on negative events and frustrations. To direct our focus on a more positive note, I changed the way I asked the question. Instead of asking "How was your week?" I would ask "What praises do you have from this week?" (or something along those lines).

I now face a similar task. I have been in prayer for some of my family who need joy, peace, and God's Grace. They are struggling with physical, mental, and emotional pain. I don't know all their needs or hurts but God does and though I have surrendered my words to Him, I have no idea where to start or what to say.

I want to help them heal. I want to see them better. I have asked for His Guidance and Wisdom.

Pray with me, or pray for me, or give me insight.

Thank you and God's Blessings.

Granny

This is my Granny. She is beautiful. She may not look it now but she was quite a woman and what a looker. I will have to post photos of her as a young lady.

I miss her very much. I am sad that my daughter will not get the chance to know her. Granny always wanted to hold her when she saw her. Every time she saw me, she asked where Marli was and wanted to hold her. She would touch her cheek and hold her hand.

She gave the best hugs.

I miss her so much.

I look forward to seeing her again. I bet she will be the one to greet me at the gates. ....and she will probably ask me about Marli - hahaha!

Memory Blues

Just looking over Facebook friends this morning and saw more school photos posted from a classmate. I am sad that I am not in any of them. I went to school with these people my whole life and was in class with those people... ??? Do I just not recognize myself? How is it I am not in any of them? I don't have my old class pictures; perhaps my mom does. I will ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I talked to my mom and she doesn't know. We moved a few times but surely I didn't miss all class pictures. [scratching head]

I was there. I grew up with these kids. I remember them. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be erased from their memory. [sigh]

[ponders] Maybe it shouldn't matter. I have a wonderful husband and a perfect daughter. I have a great mom and sister and friends. I will not be forgotten by them; shouldn't that be enough. Shouldn't it?

Weird Science

She blinded Me -

With Science!!

About Number 2

A wise {Pioneer} Woman once wrote a top ten list that all writers aka bloggers must read. To sum them up:

10. Value your Readers

9. Push through Writer's Block

8. Spell Correclty and Use Proper Grammar - (Amen Sister!!!)

7. Don't be Afraid to Embarrass Yourself

6. Bring back Retro phrases!!!

5. Allow Boundaries to set themselves

4. Exercise More

3. Be Varied

2. Blog Often

1. Be Yourself


So I loved my blog. In fact, I wrote a whole article about it. But I didn't water it like the plant needs (not a cactus, but a plant) and it has shriveled - but not died.

I do greatly thank my readers who have been loyal to my little slice of literary life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The Pictures you have been Dying to See

Peek~a~Boo!!!

Hello World! It's Me! MARLI!!

(taken at 4 days old)

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I like to look my best when I am on the town. My Great Aunt Trisa makes sure my ruffles are perfect.

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But there is nothing like a Sunday nap with my daddy! He's a big ol' warm teddy bear. He calls me "Squishy Puffy Cheeks" and Mommy and me are his favorites girls in the whole world and that is pretty amazing!

....Then again, we are pretty cute and he really loves our eyes.

The Fears

Before I had my precious perfect daughter, I certainly had plenty of reasons never to have children.

I had helped raise my two siblings (8 & 10 yrs younger than me) and I didn't want to have to be responsible for anyone else like that again.

I felt the world was grossly over populated and I wasn't going to contribute to this epidemic. ...

...The List goes on call it selfish or justified, I DID NOT WANT KIDS.

(flash forward)

I met the greatest guy and he convinced me that he would be a wonderful husband and a loyal, loving and doting father! So now I am experiencing the three most wonderful loves in the world ...(and in order) The love of our Lord and Savior, The Love of a Spouse, The Love of a Mother to her Child. Though I must say, my cup runneth over! I can not speak to the overwhelming love for ones child. It is consuming and nurturing and warming and magnificent.

But I digress.

The Fears:

Was I making the right decesion?

Was I really doing this for me or for him?

Would I later resent her for taking up my husbands time?

Would I later regret having her?

Did he understand the full gravity of having a child and all the responsiblities??

Now:

Is she okay?

Will I be a good mom?

Am I a good mom?

Will I get tired of her?

Oh my goodness! This list goes on too! But then I look at her....

and I know I will never stop trying to be better for her.

How can you not Love this Face!!!

That's my little girl!

Tying the Knot

Well folks, I finally did it!

Yup, that's right, I finally found the perfect man for me and we got married!!!

Oh and we found out we are having a little baby girl. She will be Marli Sarail Cunningham.

More to come....