When I was 18 and dating a silly boy, I got pregnant.
Now some of you may have very strong feelings about adoption... and so do I. I am a very strong supporter of it! Now don't get me wrong, I am not anti-abortion, holding a picket sign or anything; a woman's body is her own and it is her choice. I would just hope she would make the best EDUCATED decision for her and her child.
Well, I chose adoption. I decided to place my baby in a home with wonderful, christian, supportive parents who could better provide for a baby than I could.
The choice was not hard for me. Really, the hardest part (after crying my eyes out and praying I wasn't pregnant) was telling my mother. But after she stopped crying and told me she would support me in whatever I decided, I told her of my decision.
As life has a funny way of small coincidence and twists of fate, it turns out I had a relative that had done the same thing many years earlier. Mom suggested I talk to her. (This did not turn out to be a good decision however, I pray she finds healing). She had gone to The Edna Gladney Center and despite the experiences of others, my mind was made up and nothing would deter me from my pronouncement.
I called and spoke with the operators and got set up with a counselor. I moved up to the campus later and met some interesting characters (to say the least). There was of course the operator that checked me in. She was great (a real David Letterman fan)! Then there was the staff - all of them were absolutely terrific! I loved that place!! I got a room with a roommate and 2 suite mates and Oh, the stories I could tell.
~There was Jamie the crazy girl who cussed out her mom on a regular basis and hogged the phone every day/night. After she gave birth, she went nutso on me because I told her to let the other girls use the phone. She shoved my pregnant self on the floor and took to flight out of the building. She was moved to another room for that night and then threw chocolate pudding all down the hall walls. Needless to say, she wasn't there very much longer. (Not the mention wasting perfectly good chocolate pudding)
~Then there was Ronnie who was very sweet but very emotional. She liked to write poetry a lot. She did her fair bit of crying (but to be fair, pregnancy can do that to a person).
~Then there was Tonya. This girl was like 6'2" and barely looked pregnant while I am 5' and looked like a stuffed turkey when I was only 5 months... She and I stayed in touch for quite a while. But like most things, we have lost touch.
Then there were the other girls.
~There was Becca, who was a great gal and I thought very fondly of. Her mom was apparently Jewish and I would always do the "Coffee Talk" thing when she would call. (I thought that was hysterical!!) Becca and I would ponder all kinds of theoretical conversations and debate on nothing. She was one who I also lost touch with but think of now and then.
~There was Rachel (of which we are still friends to this day). Now this is a story of friendship - let's just say, despite the fact we had a nasty rocky patch that involved total humiliation and me hurtling a bottle of nail polish across a room, our friendship is all the more strong.
~There was Nicole who I about ripped her head off when we first met. That story goes like this. She had walked up to me the first evening she was there and knew my name and family and everything. Out of complete shock, I snapped at her (though I have no idea what I said, just that it was not very nice). I later apologized and we have been friends ever since.
~There was Molly, who we all liked, but she seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth.
~There was a homeless girl who had already been pregnant some 22 times. She had lots of psychological problems. There was the time we ordered pizza and she spit out a bite saying it was awful, only hours later dug it out of the trash and ate it (yuck!!). Then there was the time she went crazy on her then roommate saying she was a devil worshiper and listening to satanic music, then ran screaming up and down the hallway (yeah, she is the crazy one?!?!?!). I got the roommate and 'homeless girl' got the boot. At least, we never saw her again.
Later I met Donna, another staff member. She is one of my most precious friends! She was my 'Secret Santa' and we hit it off so well as friends, we have been so ever since.
So I had my counselor, Julie, and she helped me pick a family. I told her my expectations of parents for my child and she found some profiles that matched. I reviewed several portfolios. Some sounded great on paper but their pictures did not look warm and happy. Some looked happy but something on paper sounded amiss.
~There was the basketball coach whose wife looked like Tammy Faye did her makeup. 1st, I am only 5' and the birth father isn't much taller so the basketball coach is out and 2ndly, there is no way that woman is going to teach my little girl how to put on makeup.
~There were the Catholics who had 4 kids already. I want my child to be the 1st, not lost in the litter.
~There was the Hispanic whose wife had 2 inch black roots to her frizzy over processed hair. While the heritage combo is right (me being white and the birth father Hispanic) those roots just would not do.
(Not that I am that nasty of a person, but in choosing the people that are going to raise your child, you are going to be picky.)
There were a few others but when I found Tim and Lisa, I just KNEW. They were perfect. I loved their pictures and everything they said. I spoke with them for hours on the phone and we went out to eat a few times. What wonderful people!
During all this time, I was doing an Outreach Program with The Gladney Center. We would go to different groups (schools, churches, even on campus panels) and tell our story. Our purpose was not to say "Hey get pregnant and place your child!" but rather, be smart and know ALL your options and make the BEST Decision for you and your child. I really liked doing it even though one time we had a real "Jerry Springer" moment at this local high school. It was kinda crazy to be sitting in a class room and have all these pregnant teens stand up and start screaming at us for giving our kids away to strangers (like we were throwing in a dumpster). I (or we) explained how we can be very involved (as much as you would like to be) in the process.
Well, the time is getting close to give birth and Superbowl is rolling around. Tim is a big Cowboys fan and they were doing very well that year. The baby wasn't due till February but I prayed it would great for Tim to have a son home just in time for Superbowl and the Cowboys would win. (The state of Texas law says the birth mother has to wait 48 hours from time of birth before signing the adoption papers. Which means the baby would have had to be born no later than Friday morning)
The ultrasound shows a boy and while his name was planned to be Jack, a last minute call changed it to Nicholas. As soon as I heard the name, it was like hearing something you had been trying to think of forever and it was just on the tip of your tongue. Yes! That was his name.
So everyone is gearing up for Superbowl Sunday and the Cowboys are doing great. The girls at the dorm are planning a big Superbowl party!!
...to be continued....
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