On the Road Again

Well, Life is certainly about the Journey and I am on the road again.

I am off to San Antonio to find fame and fortune... okay maybe more like peace and quite.

I am leaving the nest again (hahaha - 3rd times a charm, right?!?!)

I had plans to head towards Austin but a friend beckoned me towards his neck of the woods and made a tempting offer I couldn't refuse. So I am packing up and heading out.

Nervous. Anxious. Excited. [sigh]

What is in a name?

For those of you loyal readers, you may have noticed I changed the name of my blog.

It used to Jodi's Praise. When I started blogging, it was to highlight the praise in my life. To pray for those close to me and acknowledges the blessings God has given me. As my blog has developed and I have fallen more in love with it, it has developed into so much more.

Since it has blossomed into a very well rounded entity, I feel it is time to give it a more fitting name. I thought about "Jodi's Rollercoaster" but felt that it was bigger than just a single ride... hence, "Jodi's Amusement Park".

But as a true Monty Python fan, I am now leaning towards "Jodi's Flying Circus".

On the other hand, I do lend myself to Shakespeare quite often (note the title) and I do feel a certain hint of Greek Tragedy in my life at times (though no one has died yet). Although, let's face it, "Jodi's Greek Tragedy" is a bit to ominous and foreboding even for me. Perhaps my literary friends can come up with something much more cleaver...

So I need you ALL to weigh in! Cast your votes and I will sort through them this weekend.
Come 1 April, I will have a fitting title for my beloved blog!

To be Queen for a Day

Ah, Tis good to be Queen!

- [typically, I am inspired to write on an event or an emotion... but for this one, it was the "title" that was my inspiration. I wanted to do a blog on being a Queen but I don't really know how to get this one off the ground.... I know I wanted to say "...it's good to be the Queen" (check) and something with "off with his head!!" (still working that one out). So bear with me on this most screwy blog. (This should be fun?!)] - [P.S. Perhaps this read best with a British accent; ya know, to get the full effect!]

I would like it to be noted that I have given considerable thought to my reign as High Queen and that this is something I most certainly do not take lightly.

I believe first and foremost in justice and truth. I can have a sympathetic heart; however support corporal punishment whole-heartily! So with that said, please summon my brother the Royal Idiot-Pain-in-the-Rear. To him I say, "Off with his head!!!" (check that one off)

As for my Coronation, Let us Eat Cake. (sorry, I had too)

Cheers to all my loyal subjects!

a Small World After All...

A quick update to a Potpourri of Sorts -


Today at work we were having a "Town Hall" Safety briefing and when we were wrapping up, one of the Supervisors was telling us about a co-workers wife that was in the hospital. She had had a seizure...


[ gasp ] !! Seizure !!


Yes, low and behold, the lady whom I had witnessed having a seizure is no less than My Co-Workers Wife.


Shocking! What a small world.

So she is in ICU and being moved today. I don't have all the details but my co-worker, her husband, said she wants to meet me when this is all over. She doesn't remember anything so I am guessing it will be good for her to have someone fill in the gaps.


Let's pray for her. That the Lord covers her with His Healing Hands!



May He be Praised for His small world after all.

It's Monday Morning...

...and it starts!

But first a quick recap....

As I said yesterday, "James is a Monster". Allow me to elaborate for a moment.

He was laying on the couch. His son, Kaysten, was laying on the ottoman next to the couch. Mom came into to living room to ask him to mow the back yard. He got angry; kicked, screamed, threw a fit, cussed, cussed, grabbed a pillow and threw it, cussed some more; well, you get the picture. Meanwhile Kaysten stands up to witness this act of childish behavior.

I chime in only to laughingly note that Kaysten is watching this and taking notes. But before I can even get the first word out, James has turned his anger at me and cussing at me to shut the F* up and so on.... Soon Mom is telling me to keep quite and don't antagonize him. I laugh and say I was merely pointing this out, then turn to enter my bedroom where I mostly reside.

Later that evening, James was changing Kaysten's diaper and from closed door and down the hall, I could hear Kaysten crying and James reprimanding him not to cuss. Mom comes running down the hall to find out what was going on and I open the door to observe. James starts justifying that Kaysten was swearing so [James] spanked [Kaysten]. I ask how that was fair when James throws fits and cusses all the time and in front of Kaysten. That James is setting the example.
No one even acknowledged my presence. I walk back into my room.


Now this morning.

I am awoken by the sounds of James screaming at Mom about something and Mom saying "I am leaving in 15 minutes."

I doze off for long enough to be woken up again by more yelling and Mom saying "15 minutes!"

I lay in bed for a minute before I give up sleep and walk into the kitchen. I try to have a concerning and sympathetic talk with Mom about James but she starts in on me that I am just as bad as he is.
She says I talk to her just as bad and am always criticizing....
(She storms off to her car, all pissed at me.)

.... okay. I give up. Let them all go.

I head to the back room and shortly after I hear her come storming into the house and beat on the bathroom door for James to "hurry up!!" He screams to "Hold on!"

It sounded like she beat the door down and drug him out. He starts screaming "What the H* was wrong with you?!" ...He cussed and yelled some more but I couldn't make it all out because I was trying to hear what Mom was saying as she drug him down the hallway.

Well, they finally slam the front door and are gone! But all the commotion woke Kaysten and scared him to death. He starts crying and I pick him up and hold him.
He is okay now but poor kid. I know no family is perfect but this is ridicules.

I know I am not perfect but I am not bad. [BIG SIGH]

[exasperated] I don't know what is wrong with me or my family. My mom is a smart lady so why is it we can't see what seems so obvious to others. ???? What is the right thing to do???? Just separate myself and let them work out themselves? It seems that there is no place for 'reason' with these people right now.

!!!!!! I feel sick !!!!!!!

a Potpourri of Sorts

(Bear with me on this whirlwind adventure I like to call:

"My Thought Process")

As we were driving around town trying to get my 2 year old nephew to take a nap in the backseat, we decided that Church's sounded good for an early dinner. We pulled up and ordered like any day and waited for our food. As my Mother and I engage in conversation (of which is irrelevant and escapes me anyway), we see a truck in the grass lawn of the building to the right of the drive-thru. We take note but continue on in our discussion. I look back over to see the truck roll into the street and coast diagonally across. I think to myself that it appeared to be going so slow, almost like it was in neutral, but I thought "Surely not" and continued talking to Mom. Slowly it crossed each lane and I even looked to see if cars were coming (and they weren't) and wondered if some overly cautious person was at the wheel or perhaps they were out of gas or some other car trouble. Just as the truck was about to enter the last lane, a black sports car was coming. It honked! I shouted to Mom, "Did you see that!" and went into the details of my perspective. She made a comment or two and then I heard a CRASH! The truck had hit the brick wall of a Car Wash. I shout to call 911 and we frantically search for the cell phone. As we watch from across the street the black sports car comes back around to check on the truck. I see the male driver step out of his car and walk over to the truck. Mom and I wonder if there is even anyone in the truck. Then we see the man try to open the door, which is locked and start looking toward traffic waving his arms for help. I jump out of the car and yell we are calling for help and motioning toward the phone. As Mom is talking to the Operator, I run across the street to see how I can help and if we need the police or an ambulance. As I approach, the man has come around to the passenger side and trying to unlock the door from the cracked passenger window. He succeeds and runs back to the drivers side to open the door. I open the passenger door to see an older black woman, in a brightly colored dress, drooped to the side and her white poodle looking concerned in the passenger seat. The man says he thinks she may be having a stroke or a seizure. I asked if we needed to put a bit in her mouth or rag or something so she won't bite her tongue but he said 'No, there wasn't anything we could do but wait it out.' I see a towel on the back bench (seat) and start to pull it out. I look over and she was what appeared to be chewing on her tongue. Blood and spit and possibly small pieces of tongue were being spit from her mouth. I handed the man the towel and asked if we should get a blanket (to prevent shock or something). He took the towel and spoke to the woman that he was going to wipe her face and it was okay and tried to reassure her.

Up to that point, I was trying to recall what to do in those situations. I just wanted to help. But as soon as the man said 'She will be alright', I started to break into tears. This overwhelming emotion hit me. I tried to keep it together and let him know we had already called 911 but I was going to go ask my Mom when they would arrive. I ran back and Mom said they were coming. I recounted the details to her and almost lost it again. We got in our truck and drove across the street to let him know they were on their way. The police came right behind us and the ambulance showed up shortly after. We waited to give our statement and were soon on our way.

On the drive home, my chest hurt from the adrenaline burst wearing off compiled with the helplessness of this poor woman and her bloody tongue. We couldn't even imagine everything the Good Samaritan in the black sports car must be going through. -Poor guy. I hope he is alright.
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My brother has to be a raving lunatic again and Mom is quick to tell me to be quite and not to set him straight. HE IS A MONSTER! and she just pacifies him apparently (which is all the justification he needs).

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So as the day is winding down, my thoughts drift off to the last time I crossed paths with Glenn. I thought about how I reacted and wondered 'why?' when I had made such progress in forgiveness, or so I thought. Then I thought about baggage (ya know how 'they' say we all carry around baggage). I had this idea that instead of carrying around my heavy 'father issues baggage', I just dealt with it the best I could and then set it down. After all, no need in carrying all that excess baggage around. [I love analogies].
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Then I thought back to an ol' friend and wondered if I should put my hurt aside and let him know I am proud of him and happy for him. So I sent an email to say just that...in so many words.
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Then I thought I needed to blog about all of this and here I am. I would have been asleep by 9 o'clock but I seem to get my best ideas at night as I am trying to drift off to sleep. And the times I have waited to blog... well, I tend to forget my train of thought or my brilliant title or my deep thought or whatever genius thing it was.... [YAWN!!!! ]
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okay then,

Good Night All!

...This just in....

My Blog has just passed the 1600 visitors mark!!

Thanks for all your Love and Support!

the Art of Journaling

Many many years ago when I entered my teen years, my Aunt Trisa gave me a journal for Christmas one year. I would occasionally jot down my thoughts though mostly it was a place for me to doodle the name of my crush of the week.

As the years passed and I joined the military, I went through phases where I would journal thoughts or bad days or good times with friends. Then there were the times I just didn't have time or couldn't find the words to sum up EVERYTHING I was feeling or thought.

It is interesting to go back and read those journals though...

Well during those times where I was loyal to "writing", I would buy neat little journals to keep my ponderings and epiphanies. I have one that is pink and I absolutely had to have it because it had such cute little sayings and, even though I was not a big fan of pink then, I simply couldn't pass up the purchase. It had to be mind. Needless to say, I made a few purchases along the way and I have a wonderful little collection of perfectly cute, perfectly brand new-never been used journals.

I LOVE this BLOG! I LOVE MY BLOG!!! I love the colors, the pictures, the readers, the creativity of it all. And since Angi has introduced me to it, I haven't even thought about my cute little journals collecting dust till today.

I think I may try to make some use out of them. I may start writing again. Otherwise they are brightly colored flimsy bookends.

for Me (for my Eulogy)

Here is how I want to be seen - Here is how I want to be remembered.

Here is who I am.

I am Good.

I am Honest.

I am Decent.

I am Loyal.

I am corky, funny, cheesy, silly, witty, dramatic and Sincere.

I am Strong.

I am Independent.

I am Passionate.

I have Class and Poise.

I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a wife;

I am somebody and I am Important.

I am Genuine.

I am Open-Minded.

I am Tender-Hearted.

I am Considerate.

I am Forgetful; I am Forgiving

I am Patriotic.

I am Diplomatic.

I am Analytical.

I am Rational.

I am Stubborn.

I am full of Joy! I am Blessed! I am Loved! And I Love!

I am Me.

a Friendly Connection or a Campaign Tour

Lately MySpace has been a useful tool to many ol' friends looking for me. I have reconnected with some high school friends I thought were surely lost along the path of life. I was thrilled that they looked for me; to discover I was not forgotten.

But sometimes one might wonder the motive...

The other day a once dear friend found me on MySpace. This person was my first love and my dearest friend. I loved him and he made me feel like I was his world. He was so important to me. I was dealing with a deadbeat father and a brother and sister to raise. He understood me, he loved me, accepted me, and made me feel like I was the greatest thing God had ever made.

....But high school ended and we moved apart. He found a different path and I wasn't on it.

I found my own way too. I have done a lot in my short 31 years. I gave birth to a son I am proud of and made a family for Tim and Lisa I love to brag about. I joined the Air Force and met some 0f the greatest people on this Earth!! I served my country and worked along side the men and women that fight for freedom. I have traveled and experienced cultures I couldn't have even imagined. I am so thankful for the life God has blessed me with; more so the friends He has blessed me with.

So why now after all this time does he look me up? Why now do I get an email from this person?
Part of me wants to believe that he never forgot me. I have always wanted to be "the one that got away". I want to be the girl they look back on and wonder, "She was great. I wonder what happened to her..."
The other part of me (the part that is hardened and cynical) wonders if I am just a stop on his "Two Dollar 'Campaign' Tour" to promote his music... which admittedly is pretty good. Actually there are a few that are really catchy.


Well, I guess you never know till you leap....

To Be-at Or Not To Be-at

Definitely To Beat!!!

I am takin' James down. I have ABSOLUTELY HAD ENOUGH!!!

So today the real question is what to beat him with. Of course my pulse instinct was my fist; but let's be real: that wouldn't do anything and probably hurt me worse and just get him madder. So my next thought was a bat... What?! It would be wooden! Seriously folks, I am not kidding here!

But after a quick discussion with my cousin we threw out the bad idea and tossed around getting a whip!

Cool, huh! (I will have to get the entire ensemble and but it would be worth it... ). Problem is, I don't really know how to work a whip and could do more damage to myself.

So that moved on to a switch (which isn't quite as cool and doesn't make the same sound but still stings pretty bad). So now I will have to go cut a switch behind the barn kind-of-thing!

But then it came to me!!! An Air Pressure Gun! I am now in the market for a Air Pressure gun that shoots little rubber pellets or balls (or whatever)!!

I am not trying to kill anybody, just bring about some pain...

My earlier blogs were venting because I was trying to reason with my brother and make him understand and learn. To Evolve into a better person. I have since had to give up that hope.

This is now about having self respect. I Will Not Tolerate being spoken to in such as manner as he does. He cusses. He screams, spits, shouts, swears and calls me un-godly names. If I were a man, I would take him outside and lay him out cold. As I am not, I will have to resort to other measures -- like an Air Pressured Gun.

I may not be able to deck him in the face; but I guarantee I will leave some lovely whelps on his back... now my temptation will be not to aim for his head!!!

So any comments?

Do you have a better suggestion?

Perhaps a better weapon??

Do you think I have completely lost it???

I welcome all comments as to my dilemma. In fact, let's make it a contest!!!

(Yea!! My first contest)

For all those who leave a comment, their name will be put in for a drawing. The prize will be a $30 MaryKay Gift Certificate!

a Glimpse at Examining Inner Demons

Recently, as some of you have been reading, my brother has become a daily disturbance in my life. And if it isn't him, it is my mother taking up for him.

I have so much bottled up inside me bursting to break free. I have thoughts of tying him up and gagging him so I can out pour all the things I want and need to say. I want to preach, lecture, beg, plead. I want to force him to watch every poignant(sp) movie about being a good parent/sibling/human.
I want to hit him. I want to hurt him. I want to scream and inflict pain upon him. I want to tell him I love him and I want good for him. I want to make him understand how much he is hurting me and this family. AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

...but I won't. I won't ever do any of those things. I couldn't. For one, there is no telling the repercussions I would face (defeated chuckle). But, and perhaps more importantly, it wouldn't be right... would it? I mean, those things aren't proper or appropriate. One doesn't lose one's temper in such a way! Not in a civilized society. A lady simply doesn't behave poorly.

I have thought "What if I got drunk enough that my inhibitions went and I could say those things and even take a few swings..." ...But I couldn't do that either! Even drunk...damnit!



What inner demons live in us? What dwells within our own conscience that brings about such dark thoughts and conjures up evil things? And what else weighs on our conscience that keeps the demons only dreaming and not released?

There were times in my earlier life I would think, "I would never..." but surprisingly, I did. Perhaps I was caught up in the moment. Perhaps, despite everything I knew better, I gave into my desires. Perhaps I just needed to fulfil a basic human need.

There are things I really really wish I could do, but I honestly don't think I could (like tell off my brother).

Are there really little devils and angels sitting on our shoulders and whispering into our ears? If so, that little devil certainly knows how to get me roweled up.

Either way, they are making me crazy!!