This is crazy crazy crazy...

So this week.... where should I begin? I guess it all started Friday.

We get a call from my nephew's mother that she is being gracious and letting us have visitation after only 6 months. So at the drop of a hat, we pack our bags and race the 272 miles to meet her, only for her to arrive THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATE. Mind you it has been a very long time to this 2 year old since he last saw us. So he is very upset because his mother is leaving him with people he doesn't know (remember) because it has been so long since she has allowed us visitation. Finally after about 20 minutes, he settles down to play with his toys; yet it isn't before 1am before he falls asleep. So the weekend goes on like this, in stages from happy 2 year old to screaming for mommy because he doesn't get his way.... oh the problems with separated dis functional family...

Monday (Memorial Day) - Kaystin is back home with mom and we are heading back home only to hit torrential flood waters and blinding buckets of rain. My brother calls to say he will take another route in hopes for better weather and traffic but his story is too sad to tell...( he lives and is free but that is for another blog -- and leather chaise). After a few hours in the car, philosophical conversation turns to bitter reality and harsh acceptance turns to "raindrops falling from my eye-eye, falling from my eyes"...(psst, it's a song)... then an hour or so of no talking till we get home only to hear my brothers unfortunate turn of events... (enter therapist now)

Tuesday is looking better. It is new day with the sun peeking out now and then. I decide to check out a new church (see, here I was thinking it was Wednesday...don't ask). So I get to the church and I am sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes or so and wondering where everybody is...don't they know what today is.... (chuckles). So I call my very good friend and christian sister Nicole to chat as I wait. She answers and we visit for a second, then the question...
"What day is it?"
Nicole: "Tuesday"
"What? I was sure it was Wednesday.."
So I tell her the story of how I am waiting and was I the only one who knew what day it was.....etc....
(followed by hysterical laughing)

I told her about the weekend and how I was bummed out on the drive back. She shared this with me..."God inhabits the Praise of His People!" Those words healed me and restored my joy. Thank you Nicole!

Life goes on, kasarasara (song too).
This too shall pass. GLORY BE!

PS. thank you to those who pray for me, for family, for friends! Amen and Hallelujah

Theme song

So I now have a theme song! I am really excited about it. I have heard that it is good to have a song that makes you feel good or defines you...well I love a lot of songs but none ever stood out to me to be THE song.

So there I was, driving home to Texas. I was getting out of a 7 year career in the military and going back home to start over. I was stepping out in faith. I had ideas but nothing solid to stand on and that is a little scary....okay, very scary. Going from a steady paycheck with yearly raises and bonuses plus full benefits to nothing. I mean I have my MK career and a fantastic support network but it is still unnerving. So I am driving along and enjoying the freedom. I have the sunroof open and the radio cranked to some of the greatest road music (SRV, Fabulous Thunderbirds, Foreigner, Jimi Hendrix, Duran Duran, etc..). So the disc changes and Mercy Me starts playing. The first song, "I worship you"! I sing aloud. I start it over and sing it louder. I start it over, turn it up, raise my hand through the sunroof and sing as loud as I can. I must have sang that song 5 times....
Then I realized that was it!!! That was my theme song. I was so excited that I had finally found it.

So there you have it. The discovery and the song.

If you have a song, sing it out loud, hands raised, volume cranked and joy in your heart!!!

Blue Like Jazz

Sunshyne read it and loved it. I picked it up and saw why. The more I read, the more I love it. It is funny, witty, true, and insightful.

"Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality" is the overall gist.

I haven't yet finished it yet but I highly recommend it, whatever your faith is, it has something for everyone.

a Lesson learned

Danny and I dated for about 7 months. Now some may scoff that that is a very short time and perhaps so; but when the heart gets broken, what does time mean?
I was in love and thought he loved me. Now, years later, I wonder what did my time in his life mean? Did I mean anything to him? Was I for nothing? these are the questions I ask and the things I fear.
~
Skip ahead to Sam. We dated for about 4 months. We had a great time. An almost perfect relationship. I joined the military and moved away. Our paths seperated and shorly after so did we. To me, it was the end of a chapter and my focas was on the road ahead. Five years go by and periodicly he shows up at my family's home to inquire on how we all are. "Why?" I thought there was closure -- at least there was for me.
I had to get an answer. Another year goes by and I finally get to ask him "why?".
"Friends" he says. That our friendship meant something to him. Now I (being a mature and rational adult) explain we only dated for 4 months (not long) and how could that be so important to him...??!?!?!
He was hurt and I couldn't figure out why. I kept thinking "4 months....4 months....what's the big deal?!?"
~
Today it has all come together. Today I have learned this lesson. He wanted to know that his time in my life meant something. He wanted to mean something to me. He wanted to know that he was not for nothing. All those questions I had...all the answers I wanted. The tables had turned and what had I done to assure that person that he did make a difference in my life. That he was important.
~
Yes, he was important and his time was not for nothing.

a prayer for a husband

I have been praying for a husband for a long long time. I then decided that I should pray to make me a good wife. I read Proverbs 31:10-31 about the wife of noble character. I held virtue as an esteemed attribute. Gill referred me to Song of Solomon and I have made that one of my studies for a good marriage. I prayed that God would prepare me to be a good wife to my godly man. I asked that God prepare him for me.


Some time ago, as I was praying, I had an image of a wood. It was twilight and the wood was old, foggy and damp but I was not afraid. I was wondering the wood in search for my husband and he for me. ( I had been praying for so long but felt guilty giving a time line to God.) He was there and very close. I could hear his footsteps and his breath. I prayed that our paths would soon cross and we would meet at last. I prayed that each step would bring his image into view. I really felt as though he were next to me. We were so close, we could almost reach out and touch .
I am still wondering in the woods. I am still waiting to cross paths with my godly husband.


I am just grateful to God for the image. The old expression "right around the corner" was beginning to feel like a scene from the "Shining". I am glad for the new image and the hope it brings. Amen.

a message for Dawn

A few days ago, I got an email from my friend Dawn. She asked my to pray that she get back on the straight and narrow and discern how best to handle things in her life. I wanted to share the words God gave me for her because I think that we all get down when we feel we have strayed off God's path.

~

Dawn, I have always felt you to be a very spiritual woman whose heart is always seeking God. Your heart is your guide because above all else you desire God and He leads your heart to Him because He desires you. You are human and being so makes you vulnerable to your flesh. We sin. This is a fact that no one can argue. God knows this and He loves you and forgives you. You know it is inevitable that your children will disobey, you still will love and forgive them. By this trial, they live, learn and grow stronger in the understanding of your love for them as their parent. God is your Father and He knows the same of you as His child. I have no doubt that you will find your way (if you are off course) but even so, God is still your guide where ever your feet land.
(All this is to say, despite how you are or are not handling things, don't get too down about it. Remain in the fruit of the spirit and don't let negative thoughts derail you. Doubt is not an attribute of God.)

~

I pray for all of my brothers and sister in Christ and I thank each of you for your prayers. God Bless!

National Choc. Chip Day

Happy Nat. Choc. Chip Day to all!!!! I hope every one has a healthy piece of chocolate today to celebrate this treasured holiday!!! Hahahaha

Well, to venture to another subject, if I may. I have been doing a little light reading. (This is actually a joke because I am in the middle of not one, or two, or three books but FOUR Books.) I am almost finished with The Purpose Driven Life, I am almost half way through Blue Like Jazz, I am stuck in The Untold Story, and I am starting Pagan Christianity (which is going to be the gist of this blog).

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So a few months ago I saw the documentary Mountain of Fire: The Discovery of the Real Mount Sinai. A very good movie and very interesting (I highly recommend this one). It tracks the exodus from Egypt (retracing the steps), the parting to the Red Sea, and the location of the real Mt Sinai.

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Last night we were watching the History Channel and saw a documentary discussing Christ marriage to Mary Magdalene and their baby Sara. I think they were more proving/disproving the claims in Dan Brown's book, the Da Vinci Code. For the record, this is a fictional book and to be perfectly honest, some of the historical data that supported the claims in the books are really historical but not based in fact.

My view is this: Marriage is not a sin, children from marriage are not sin, so what does it change if my Savior was married and had a child? It doesn't change anything for me. He is still my Savior and His height, weight, nationality, color, or marital status will never change that for me. "that which we call rose by any other name would smell as sweet. So [Romeo] would, were he not [Romeo] called, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title." Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

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So back to the Pagan Christianity book. I have just started it but Angi got me turned on to it. She and I have had a few conversations about some of its dialog and its purpose. So (from my understanding) its purpose is to explain what was happening in the world religiously and politically in that era and how it has transformed into the different religious factions and practices we now have today.

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All this said, with the documentaries, books, and discussions I have had over the last 6 months or so, I have become enlightend. I would not say that is has changed my faith but made my faith grow stronger. I have heard the arguments and weighed them on the scales as to why I believe or why I disbelieve. This has given me insight to my relationship with God.

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.....I could go on and on with my take on this but I think it is best for each person to read the books and watch the DVDs and form their own opinion on the matter. See, like faith, each person has their own ideas based on the relationship they have with God.

( Just don't be confined to live in a box and limit your faith)