Hello, my name is Jodi and I am a work-aholic.
I guess it must have started in the military...though it might have been even before that. While staitoned in Florida, I would stay late to get caught up on the work that hadn't been done for doing another persons or helping customers. (Though it seems I did have some form of a social life then).
Then I went on to Korea and often worked weekends. In fact, on one occasion, the Commander actually ordered me to go home.
Then it was off to Germany, but to be honest, it was Europe and I tried to make the most of it. I didn't travel as much as I should have or would have liked to... but I was working (shaking my head and sighing).
.... I am sure you get the idea by now.
I think people are workaholics for different reasons. Some are very goal oriented... but I don't think that is me. Some are power driven to climb the ladder... but I am not that either. No, I am the one who, while I really do have a lot of work, uses it as an excuse to not go home and be lonely or bored or deal with family who is at home. ...at least that is my theory.
My mother has a different theory. She says that I have a need to please people. She says that I do this to seek approval and be liked. ...Let's evaluate this, shall we.
Let's see. First, I am the oldest and had to be responsible for two toddlers. If I didn't do a good job, I was beaten...(No, I am kidding, I am not Sybil). I was punished though and usually that meant grounded. Which what was the difference, I had to be home whether I was or wasn't because she was going to school all day and worked at night. It wasn't like my "father" was around to help.
Secondly, while I might have been the oldest, my brother came next and he is the only son (spoiled), the miracle baby because Mom didn't think she could have anymore (spoiled rotten), and then had complications with birth and was premature (filthy stinking brat)! Then there is my sister who is the baby... need I say more. This was my competition. The precious boy and the baby girl. I was just there to take care of them (and that is how I felt). I could never finish a story to Mom for their interuptions. I was always in trouble for their breaks, messes, or deliberat falls. Of course I was craving for attention!!!
So back to the military; a female Chief Master Sergeant came to address a group of us one day about her career. I think the "intension" was probably "How to make Chief" or something to that effect. Instead it seemed more heart-warming. She confessed that while she had achieved a prestegious military rank, she had sacrificed so much more to get there. She had lost her family. She made it very clear that one must know what is more important to them; family or career. It is very hard to balance both and one tends to lose sight of or take for granted the things that matter most.
I took that very much to heart. I didn't want to be a lonely spinster and have no one but just my name on a door. ...but since I don't have a husband, I guess if I have to put myself into something, it might as well be work. Besides, I believe in taking pride in ones work.
So what makes me a workaholic? Well, I know I need to get out and I really want to but I can't seem to stop. I seem to have a crutch, called work. How ironic is that?!?!
I have such dreams. I think about taking some classes, but I just don't have the time. I think about joining a theatrical group, but when will I find the time? I need to meet other people but I just have so much work to do, I can't leave now. ... maybe next week... next month.... later.
My greatest fear is being alone. Of working and working and never finding anyone. Of losing myself and my identity to my work and never finding anyone to share my life with.
I guess it must have started in the military...though it might have been even before that. While staitoned in Florida, I would stay late to get caught up on the work that hadn't been done for doing another persons or helping customers. (Though it seems I did have some form of a social life then).
Then I went on to Korea and often worked weekends. In fact, on one occasion, the Commander actually ordered me to go home.
Then it was off to Germany, but to be honest, it was Europe and I tried to make the most of it. I didn't travel as much as I should have or would have liked to... but I was working (shaking my head and sighing).
.... I am sure you get the idea by now.
I think people are workaholics for different reasons. Some are very goal oriented... but I don't think that is me. Some are power driven to climb the ladder... but I am not that either. No, I am the one who, while I really do have a lot of work, uses it as an excuse to not go home and be lonely or bored or deal with family who is at home. ...at least that is my theory.
My mother has a different theory. She says that I have a need to please people. She says that I do this to seek approval and be liked. ...Let's evaluate this, shall we.
Let's see. First, I am the oldest and had to be responsible for two toddlers. If I didn't do a good job, I was beaten...(No, I am kidding, I am not Sybil). I was punished though and usually that meant grounded. Which what was the difference, I had to be home whether I was or wasn't because she was going to school all day and worked at night. It wasn't like my "father" was around to help.
Secondly, while I might have been the oldest, my brother came next and he is the only son (spoiled), the miracle baby because Mom didn't think she could have anymore (spoiled rotten), and then had complications with birth and was premature (filthy stinking brat)! Then there is my sister who is the baby... need I say more. This was my competition. The precious boy and the baby girl. I was just there to take care of them (and that is how I felt). I could never finish a story to Mom for their interuptions. I was always in trouble for their breaks, messes, or deliberat falls. Of course I was craving for attention!!!
So back to the military; a female Chief Master Sergeant came to address a group of us one day about her career. I think the "intension" was probably "How to make Chief" or something to that effect. Instead it seemed more heart-warming. She confessed that while she had achieved a prestegious military rank, she had sacrificed so much more to get there. She had lost her family. She made it very clear that one must know what is more important to them; family or career. It is very hard to balance both and one tends to lose sight of or take for granted the things that matter most.
I took that very much to heart. I didn't want to be a lonely spinster and have no one but just my name on a door. ...but since I don't have a husband, I guess if I have to put myself into something, it might as well be work. Besides, I believe in taking pride in ones work.
So what makes me a workaholic? Well, I know I need to get out and I really want to but I can't seem to stop. I seem to have a crutch, called work. How ironic is that?!?!
I have such dreams. I think about taking some classes, but I just don't have the time. I think about joining a theatrical group, but when will I find the time? I need to meet other people but I just have so much work to do, I can't leave now. ... maybe next week... next month.... later.
My greatest fear is being alone. Of working and working and never finding anyone. Of losing myself and my identity to my work and never finding anyone to share my life with.
1 comment:
Hi...cool blog. But just so you know...and I don't mean to preach...you are never alone. The Lord promises never to leave you nor forsake you. Cheers!
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