Jodi's Flying Circus

God vs the Volcano

2012-01-21T15:52:00.008-06:00

There are two sides to a coin, two plates on a scale, two ways to look at it:

On ONE Hand, one can prepare to believe in God. That there is a Heaven and a Hell. That those that believe in Him and follow His Will will go to Heaven and those that turn from Him will go to Hell. ~ On this hand, if you believe but are wrong, then nothing happens. If you believe and are right, you will be in Heaven.

On the OTHER Hand, you can think that it is all superstitious hokum created by the oppressed to make it through their menial existence. Or perhaps by an authoritarian to control the pagan masses from rioting, IE. if you are good and subservient, you will be rewarded but if you rebel, you will face the consequences. Or whatever reason you come up with not to believe. ~ On this hand, if you are right then nothing happens. BUT if you are WRONG, you will be in a very nasty place.

So it seems you lose nothing by believing but take a big gamble by not believing.

In the same way you can look at preparing for 2012.

On ONE hand, you can prepare to believe that something is going to happen and have supplies on hand. ~ On this hand, if you are wrong, you will just have a surplus of camping supplies. If you are right, then you have prepared to take care of your family the best you can.

On the OTHER hand, you can think it is bunk thought up by fanatics believing the sky is falling, drink to much special kool-aide and watched one to many shows about UFO's. ~ If you are right, then nothing happens. But if you are wrong, then you will not be prepared to provide for your family.

So on ONE Hand you have God.

You believed and prepared for Him.

On the OTHER Hand,

You did not believe.

You may not be prepared.

All compasses point to 2012

2012-01-21T14:45:00.009-06:00

My husband is a camping enthusiast and he loves all things camping (so by default, aka, survival). He loves to watch Man vs Wild; Man,Woman, Wild; and Dual Survival.

But being a history buff, he also loves to watch NatGeo, History channel and Discovery channel.

Now the very interesting thing is that all the shows really lead you to one conclusion: something very big is going to happen in 2012.

But what could it be? Scientist talk about the increase of solar flares, seismic and volcanic activity, major earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis and other natural disasters. Other scientists discuss magnetic poles flipping, polar caps melting, the "Dark Rift" when the galaxy comes into alignment.

Then there the archaeologist who talk about ancient cultures calendars. It is amazing how they all seem to end around the same time despite the fact they all lived centuries and continents apart from each other.

Many religions preach about the end times and several Christians feel it is coming to pass.

So back to survivalists. These folks are ready! There are websites that tell you how to build a shelter in any environment, how to hunt, fish, skin and dry food. There are sites that sell gear, food, safety and first aide, water purification methods, and even radiation tablets.

Now, I don't mean to sound like a fanatic, or even scare you but the way I see it; No matter how you look at it; no matter how you slice it; no matter who you are, be it survivalist, scientist, or just religious..... All compasses point to 2012.

Are you prepared?

To Steal a Quote

2012-01-16T21:45:00.005-06:00

Donna wrote this in her blog and it was so perfectly said, I had to quote her to share it with you~ Enjoy~

"Perhaps it’s not about who doesn’t come to read, it’s about who does. What will we feed the hungry who pull up chairs to our blog table? Forget the hundreds you wish would come; feed the hungry who are already there.Feed them your best. Lay out your story and your life and your generous love for them.

Perhaps our blogs are only as big as our hospitality. Because platforms can be lonely and spotlights too bright, but no one ever felt unwelcome in that overstuffed chair pulled up by the fire, feet up under them snuggled in a warm blanket with a cup of hot chocolate, and a good friend telling you it’s OK to be you."

A favorite hangout

2012-01-16T12:25:00.007-06:00

Every so often, I like to go back and read over my previous blogs.

And by no means do I want to sound vain but I really enjoy reading them. I think they are very clever and witty. It may seem silly, but for some reason, being on my blog is like going to your favorite hangout. I almost feel like I am in a cozy corner, sipping a warm cup of chia tea, listening to great music in the company of a great friend. Silly I know, but that is just the way I feel. I hope my readers feel the same way.

A friend just started his blog and I wanted to share it with you. It is his little piece of himself that he can share and I hope you enjoy it.

God Bless!

[A follow-up]

2012-01-13T21:40:00.002-06:00

I still have Fears .....

....like I hope I don't scar her for life.

But looking at my (now two) beautiful little girls, I am still so in love with both of them...

...now if I could just get a solid nights sleep.

God Bless you all, and Good Night!

It dawns on me...

2012-01-13T21:25:00.003-06:00

....that you need to see the newest addition to our little family.

So without further ado, here is Morgan Lyn Cunningham.

Awww, isn't she adorable.

if only I were June Cleaver...

2011-12-22T13:20:00.007-06:00

...but I am not, and I am tired.

I am tired of playing.

I am tired of being spit-up on.

I am tired of being screamed at.

I am tired of talking like a a third grader.

I am tired of being a carousal for their amusement.

I am just so tired. I don't want to change another poopy diaper. I don't want to make another bottle. I don't want to sit on the floor anymore today. I don't want to even hear another rhyme or kiddy song so help me God or I am going to loose it!

My girls are so wonderful! Marli is so much fun and full of joy. Morgan is adorable and I love to kiss her sweet little face. But...

....I want to take a nap. I want to dress up and go out to dinner.

Oh, hell, I would just be happy with a quite house, a roaring fire, and a really big glass of wine.

Cheers to all the Mommy's and Daddy's out there who have their fill of their beautiful, smart, wonderful, funny children who can sometimes leave us a little tired.

How I hate that dog!

2010-12-31T12:04:00.003-06:00

Is it normal to hate a dog so much?!?

Where do I start? Do I start with this mornings playful joking that got twisted into a lecture about how I verbally abuse his dog or do I start with the spat that turned into a full blown argument over lettuce, lunch and ignoring a question? Or how about the fact that the goal was to work on the house but it was spent on the couch (granted sick most the week) watching Bear Grylls and Stargate SG1.

Now don't get me wrong - I know my faults and I am the worst procrastinator. All I am saying is don't get mad about someone else doing the same thing you do. Like when I ask for help and get no response because you are reading an important letter but then get mad at me because I didn't respond to your question about lettuce because I was digging the grocery list out of my pocket. This turned into the fight about lunch (since I hadn't eaten all day) and he saying we weren't going to eat till 3pm. (Basically, we were both having our own conversation and not filling in the lines between the two to make them one. - I was saying, "yes, I want a salad for lunch." and he is saying "Do you want a salad with the burgers I am cooking at 3?" Needless to say, we didn't get salad, and left the store hungry and grumpy. )

So this morning everything is fine and joking about the dog till it became a lecture about how I verbally abuse his dog. That right there makes me hate her even more. Then I come home and she is getting into the bread, as if we don't give her enough treats and spoil her all the time. She has stepped on our baby, Marli. She has sat on his 8 yr old nieces head. She sulks, whimpers and whines. She drives me crazy. And mostly because he dotes and pampers her so damn much. What is with that?

I feel very stressed and frustrated today. I know it isn't all because of the dog, but she is the straw that broke the camels back so she gets the brunt of my frustration.

The hardest thing to do...

2010-12-24T22:09:00.003-06:00

...is keep my mouth shut!

I tell myself repeatedly that I am going to keep my mouth shut. But then she goes and pulls some stunt and I can't help myself!

It drives me crazy! It makes me nuts.

How can you talk about how far behind your kid is and not see that 1.) it is in great part your fault! & 2.) your doing the same thing with the other kid!!

Your kid is sick. He has a terrible cough and other symptoms; yet you take him out in shorts and no shoes on a cold and rainy day. Seriously?!

You complain on a regular basis about your children and your sad life, but when given the tools to help, you do nothing. (again point one, your children education). Riddle me this, should a 6 year old know how to tie his shoes and should a 3 year old know his colors by now?? UGH!

(the list goes on)

I have to blog this because I can't speak about it. It is all I can do to bite my tongue.

I am beside myself right now. Does no one else not feel the need to slap this idiot for being such a bad parent? It is disgraceful.

Rubbish, filth, slime, muck. Putrescence!

Ugh!!

A sad little fish indeed

2010-12-23T23:47:00.005-06:00

I tend to get caught in a thought like a fish caught in a net. I struggle and flip out till I get myself so tangled in a mess, I strangle myself.

This is a very bad habit of mine.

Especially in matters of the heart. I have this ol' friend, or so I once thought. It seemed that this friend could anticipate my thoughts before I even had them. He was my best friend and my first love. We shared the same passions and believed in each other, or so I once thought.

Every so often, that little ghost comes back with the same haunting questions. I have been pondering lately what would I say, or how would I act, if given the chance to come face to face with this person today. ... Let's just say, it isn't a pretty picture. It plays out very soap opera like.

So tonight, while I play the scenario in my head, the idea hits me (in the middle of my imaginary tongue lashing to him), I was wrong. I was wrong when I thought I really knew him. I was wrong when I thought he cared as much for me as I did for him. I was wrong when I thought I was his first love too. At least, it is the only way I can maybe get closure on this and put to rest this haunting ghost.

I was WRONG!

....I knew girls who went crazy on old boyfriends and trashed their stuff or flattened the tires or something. I didn't want to be that girl. I wanted to be the one that 20 years later, that guy looked back and thought, "What ever happened to Jodi?" - Well, most of us stayed friends anyway, but the one guy who I would really want to remember me apparently doesn't have the time.

Not to seem stalker about the whole thing like it was a week long romance but we are talking about my first love, my very best friend, my high school sweetheart.

Alas, I was mistaken. I was misguided. I was naive. I was simply wrong.

The thing about a fish caught in a net, if it doesn't panic and gives itself a little time to think, it can get free of the strangling hold the net has on it. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes, that little fish might break free.

Nostalgia

2010-10-19T16:16:00.001-06:00

Nostalgia isn't always what it is cracked up to be..... some memories should be erased with time.

Sharing Prayer

2010-09-25T08:03:00.004-06:00

Back when I was in Mississippi, we had a fellowship that met on Sundays. I loved it. Sometimes though, while asking about each others week, some would tend to focus on negative events and frustrations. To direct our focus on a more positive note, I changed the way I asked the question. Instead of asking "How was your week?" I would ask "What praises do you have from this week?" (or something along those lines).

I now face a similar task. I have been in prayer for some of my family who need joy, peace, and God's Grace. They are struggling with physical, mental, and emotional pain. I don't know all their needs or hurts but God does and though I have surrendered my words to Him, I have no idea where to start or what to say.

I want to help them heal. I want to see them better. I have asked for His Guidance and Wisdom.

Pray with me, or pray for me, or give me insight.

Thank you and God's Blessings.

Granny

2010-09-13T22:25:00.005-06:00

This is my Granny. She is beautiful. She may not look it now but she was quite a woman and what a looker. I will have to post photos of her as a young lady.

I miss her very much. I am sad that my daughter will not get the chance to know her. Granny always wanted to hold her when she saw her. Every time she saw me, she asked where Marli was and wanted to hold her. She would touch her cheek and hold her hand.

She gave the best hugs.

I miss her so much.

I look forward to seeing her again. I bet she will be the one to greet me at the gates. ....and she will probably ask me about Marli - hahaha!

Memory Blues

2010-09-12T08:03:00.002-06:00

Just looking over Facebook friends this morning and saw more school photos posted from a classmate. I am sad that I am not in any of them. I went to school with these people my whole life and was in class with those people... ??? Do I just not recognize myself? How is it I am not in any of them? I don't have my old class pictures; perhaps my mom does. I will ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I talked to my mom and she doesn't know. We moved a few times but surely I didn't miss all class pictures. [scratching head]

I was there. I grew up with these kids. I remember them. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be erased from their memory. [sigh]

[ponders] Maybe it shouldn't matter. I have a wonderful husband and a perfect daughter. I have a great mom and sister and friends. I will not be forgotten by them; shouldn't that be enough. Shouldn't it?

Weird Science

2010-09-10T16:12:00.003-06:00

She blinded Me -

With Science!!

About Number 2

2010-09-09T15:20:00.002-06:00

A wise {Pioneer} Woman once wrote a top ten list that all writers aka bloggers must read. To sum them up:

10. Value your Readers

9. Push through Writer's Block

8. Spell Correclty and Use Proper Grammar - (Amen Sister!!!)

7. Don't be Afraid to Embarrass Yourself

6. Bring back Retro phrases!!!

5. Allow Boundaries to set themselves

4. Exercise More

3. Be Varied

2. Blog Often

1. Be Yourself

So I loved my blog. In fact, I wrote a whole article about it. But I didn't water it like the plant needs (not a cactus, but a plant) and it has shriveled - but not died.

I do greatly thank my readers who have been loyal to my little slice of literary life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The Pictures you have been Dying to See

2010-09-09T15:02:00.008-06:00

Peek~a~Boo!!!

Hello World! It's Me! MARLI!!

(taken at 4 days old)

****************************************

I like to look my best when I am on the town. My Great Aunt Trisa makes sure my ruffles are perfect.

*********************************************

But there is nothing like a Sunday nap with my daddy! He's a big ol' warm teddy bear. He calls me "Squishy Puffy Cheeks" and Mommy and me are his favorites girls in the whole world and that is pretty amazing!

....Then again, we are pretty cute and he really loves our eyes.

The Fears

2010-09-09T14:17:00.003-06:00

Before I had my precious perfect daughter, I certainly had plenty of reasons never to have children.

I had helped raise my two siblings (8 & 10 yrs younger than me) and I didn't want to have to be responsible for anyone else like that again.

I felt the world was grossly over populated and I wasn't going to contribute to this epidemic. ...

...The List goes on call it selfish or justified, I DID NOT WANT KIDS.

(flash forward)

I met the greatest guy and he convinced me that he would be a wonderful husband and a loyal, loving and doting father! So now I am experiencing the three most wonderful loves in the world ...(and in order) The love of our Lord and Savior, The Love of a Spouse, The Love of a Mother to her Child. Though I must say, my cup runneth over! I can not speak to the overwhelming love for ones child. It is consuming and nurturing and warming and magnificent.

But I digress.

The Fears:

Was I making the right decesion?

Was I really doing this for me or for him?

Would I later resent her for taking up my husbands time?

Would I later regret having her?

Did he understand the full gravity of having a child and all the responsiblities??

Now:

Is she okay?

Will I be a good mom?

Am I a good mom?

Will I get tired of her?

Oh my goodness! This list goes on too! But then I look at her....

and I know I will never stop trying to be better for her.

How can you not Love this Face!!!

That's my little girl!

Tying the Knot

2010-03-07T22:34:00.002-06:00

Well folks, I finally did it!

Yup, that's right, I finally found the perfect man for me and we got married!!!

Oh and we found out we are having a little baby girl. She will be Marli Sarail Cunningham.

More to come....

Both sides of the fence

2009-08-14T20:58:00.004-06:00

For sometime I was single.

While I prided myself on being a rational person and seeing both sides, I must admit my view was, of course, limited because I hadn't been on both sides, merely just looked over and thought I had a good enough perspective.

So now I am on the other side.

And I look back at the fence and ... well, I still feel the same way.

There are those folks, most folks, that once they are in a new relationship, they are consumed with that new person. Suddenly everyone one that was once a friend is no more. Whether it be not enough time to spend with those ol' friends or the new love doesn't approve. Perhaps there are other reasons, but it seems to boil down to those two.

I have usually been on the single/ol' friend side that suddenly got pushed to the wayside. I never appreciated that. I understood that a new relationship requires time to take root and one wants to spend time with their new love but come on!!!! I still exist too! What am I? Dirt????

[deep breath]

So I have been in a new relationship now. I am on the other side. I want to spend a lot of time with my great guy, wonderful beau, handsome man... and I do feel terrible that I don't make as much time to call, write, email, or text my ol' friends. But, I do try to drop a line occasionally. I do say hi and apologize for my neglect.

So I apparently had a friend that used to be single but now he has a gal and I am chopped liver. Just as it was the last time he had a gal. So what will I be next time he is single?

....maybe I will just be busy. .....?.....

.... but I still feel the same way after seeing both sides of the fence.

being Hurt and Healing

2009-08-14T20:35:00.002-06:00

Several times during the life of my blog, I have mentioned (more like vented) about being hurt by my brother; and a few times by others. James has done his fair share of damage to our sibling bond, and he continues to disappoint. But if you insist on seeing a positive.... well, he is consistent.

It is funny how you can have blood relations you have nothing in common with and have friends who are a better family than your own.

Brooke, my bff, is more like a sister to me than my own. We are more alike, the same age (to the date, though she is older - haha) and even lived together for a year. She is my sister and I love her.
With that said, we have had our sisterly fights. And we still come through it just as sisters do.
Now I am with Marlin who is just the same with Brooke's husband, Jerald. They are brothers thru and thru. So now when one of us hurt, we both feel it.
Several times we have asked our "siblings" over to dinner or to hang out and for one reason or another, they rarely show. A few times they said yes but failed to make it. This has left Marlin and I feeling very hurt. I had been harboring these feelings for a few weeks trying to let them go or figure out a good way to 'lightly' mention it, without causing a bigger problem.
Brooke is a wonderful sister! I said what I needed and she explained how sorry she was. She and Jerald both know how it seems and though they don't intend to stand us up, it always ends up that way. They are both very sorry and really do want to spend more time together.
I am so thankful I have a sister that I can talk to and is understanding and loves me enough to listen and not get offended or defensive.
I love my sister!

Family Update!

2009-08-14T15:57:00.002-06:00

Speaking of Birthdays, we just celebrated my Granny's 80th birthday this past weekend.
My Mom came up and a few cousins came up so it was a little reunion of sorts but all part of my Granny's birthday surprises! Unfortunately there had to be a (figurative) grey cloud. My brother had spoiled part of the day with his criminal habits which really hurt my Mom and grandparents but we put it past us to enjoy the rest of the day. Lynda and Sonny (Marlin's parents) stopped by and met my grandparents for the first time. They all got along and really enjoyed each other.

Today I got a letter for Lisa, Nicholas' mom. I had written her a few times but hadn't heard anything for some time. I had hoped they hadn't moved on so much that I was no longer a thought...
but I finally got a email today. I am so happy to hear from her. I am so glad to hear about their eventful summer and see the pictures of the boys. I am so so glad that she hasn't forgotten me. ........ I hope one day, .... one day.... (sigh) .... when we meet....
I look forward to that day.
......
as for my readers, sorry I don't update as before. I don't feel as ponderous or deep or ... whatever as before. I watch my dogs and garden most of the day. But I am happy and Marlin and I are as happy as ever. Our love and appreciation grows each day.... OH! JOYOUS REPORT - he bought 2 different bibles to start his bible study and he has been so excited about it, his Mom got one too. This could be a big breakthrough for her and his parents. Keep them in your prayers.
I am a blessed person to have my life. It isn't perfect but it is mine and I am thankful for it because of those in it.
God Bless!

Party Around the World!!

2009-04-30T07:25:00.004-06:00

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!

Today I am 33.

And since all my friends and family are scattered all over the world; My party will encompass the globe (woohoo)! So drink one for me!! Have a toast, eat cake, buy a present for me (chuckles), do something wonderful today because today is a great holiday!

Love you all!

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!

USO Day

2009-02-04T14:52:00.004-06:00

I love to look at Brownie Locks on occasion to see what silly holiday it is. But some times I notice an important holiday.

Today is USO Day!

Celebrate today by thanking someone in the Armed Forces! And if you are feeling particularly generous, you can even make a contribution to the USO which goes to help out our troops.

2012

2009-01-30T10:24:00.006-06:00

I did a blog a few weeks ago called Deadlines.

If you have comments to add about the 2012 Poll, this is blog for it!

So leave your comments below (OR on MySpace)!

And thanks for reading.

Cuddels and Kisses

2009-01-29T08:09:00.006-06:00

I have found it! I have found my cuddles and kisses and I love it!

He is my big, wonderful, warm, silly, strong, sexy, funny teadybear!

Song of Solomon is a wonderful book and has become our anthem.

Long lost

2009-01-28T16:43:00.014-06:00

As we traverse our path of life, people come and go. We make friends, we lose touch, we grow apart; but true friends have a way of coming back.

Take for example, Trisha. I thought I would never find that girl and low and behold, she found me on MySpace!

Or how about Shane, another friend from high school I had lost touch with, but found me on MySpace too. (That darn MySpace - hahaha)

And why not give MySpace another plug! Randy had found me there too. (Now there is a good story).

Randy was my best friend in high school. Now many of you may be saying, "Wait a dog gone minute, I thought Brooke was?!"

Brooke was my best (girl) friend. But if ever there was a person who knew me better, almost as well as God Himself, it was Randy. He and I were cut from the same fabric it would seem.

Though through the trials of life, our paths seemed to split after high school. I recall the day we last spoke. We were in a crowded bar and he was telling our old class mates his plan for becoming a musician. I cried. I knew at that moment our friendship was over. Our bond was broken. I told Brooke then that it would be the last time we most likely would speak.

Even though he found me a few months ago, we hadn't really spoken till today. It all started because I noticed he had updated (changed) his website and now it didn't show the dates and places he had gigs. I emailed him to inquire and he emailed me back right away. We wrote back and forth a few times and then shared phone numbers because he wanted to "catch up". A short while later the phone rings.
It started off on a general fill in of the last 12 years. Turns out he tried to look me up about 5 years ago while he was in Houston. I was in Germany at the time and my sister didn't mention he had called.
~~(sigh) .... It is funny I guess. The whole time I am on the phone, my voice seems shaky, my heart beat is faster, I can't breath right and I feel jittery. It is weird how after so much time, old feelings can come out of no where and for no apparent reason.
I am so happy in my life with Marlin. He is truly wonderful and beyond a shadow of a doubt the one for me. With out question, I love him! but so weird how Randy can stir up so much with just entering into my life again (even for a moment)....(sigh)....!!

So looks like Randy may be moving back to the area. It will be nice to have good ol' friends around; Brooke, Trisha, Randy...
..............(sigh)..............Yup. Good to have ol' friends around.

[break into song and rides off into the sunset]

"Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee! How great Thou art! How Great Thou Art!"....

Saturday Morning

2009-01-17T08:56:00.004-06:00

It's Saturday morning.

Last night Jon (Marlin's bestest bud) came over and we played Wii and ordered pizza. It was a good night for all of us. It had been a while since we have seen Jon, so it was nice to spend time with ol' friends.

This morning we got up early, made pancakes and sausage, had coffee and watched Transformers. It is a good morning.

Thank you Father for giving me so much. I am thankful for all the blessings you give me. I am so grateful to you, Father!

Deadlines?

2009-01-08T22:45:00.002-06:00

I have been doing a little studying on the 2012 hype.

.... interesting views.

.... more to come.

Pick up the Phone!

2009-01-07T20:46:00.003-06:00

I have been terrible about keeping in touch with many of my friends (Sorry!).
So I try to call a few folks on my way home tonight to catch up....

I call Angi ... No answer
I call Gill's cell ... voicemail
I call Dawn ... Voicemail
I call Donna's cell ... voicemail
I called Emirza, Garcia, Fran, etc..... VOICEMAIL!!!

...Have you ever had one of those days where no one is home. ...Where you are thinking "will some one just pick up the phone"

Well, sorry I missed you guys. All is well. I Love you all!

God Bless.

dogs, Dogs, DOGS

2008-11-25T05:54:00.006-06:00

I never was much for dogs. I don't like the way their nose is always wet and they lick you ALL The Time! I can't stand when they jump up on you and they bark incessantly. And typically they are much too needy. Nope, I am definitely a cat person.

I have known a few good dogs though.
There was Rouge, a roommates pet, that was a good dog. She would guard my bedroom door. She never begged, crowded you at the table, or snuck food while you weren't looking. She didn't bother the cats and I never even heard her bark. She was a good dog and I would love on her when I wanted. She even knew she wasn't allowed in my room but on occasion I would let her in so I could pet her but then she would go right back out again to guard my door. She never jumped up and I don't recall her ever being on the furniture. Yup, a very good dog.
(There were one or two others but I can't think of their name and they are no where near as good as Rouge anyway.)

Well, Marlin is a dog person. He has two. A boy, Beau, a good dog and Nakita, the female, a bad dog. Beau wants lovin' and at times it is a bit too much but he is a big lug of a dog so I don't mind it. He does bark and it drives me crazy or he starts whining in the middle of the night and I have to let him out. But all in all, he isn't so bad. He listens when I say get down. He comes when I call. Yup, he is alright.
Then there is Nakita. The Female. And I am quickly hating her. She doesn't listen to me. If she does, it is at her own slow pace. She has to sleep in the bed, and should I have to get up, she moves to my side. She used to not move at all till I forcibly moved her and then she acted like I ripped her leg off and then Marlin is worried I hurt her... yup, she is manipulative. She has started peeing and pooping in the house. It smells. Bad. He has tried to spank her (for a few days) and it didn't seem to work, so he gave up on that idea. I offered several different suggestions but he had reasons we couldn't do any of them. She apparently has a heat condition so she can't be outside when it is too hot. Then, once it cooled down, he was afraid she would escape the back yard and run away. We couldn't keep her in the bathroom on the tile, because she would claw the door and the garage was out of the question because the camper is in there and it is much too crowded for his baby girl. When we were spanking her, I used the flyswatter, which if you ask me did nothing to her but according to him, it gives her trauma and I can't use it anymore. So that was out. I offered the water/vinegar spray my sister suggested but never gotten any comment back on that (and I have mentioned it 3 times!). And don't even get me started on the way he talks to her; like a lover. I makes me sick!!!!!!!!!

I love him and he is wonderful but I hate that dog!

Now, I am a cat person and I LOVE cats. He knows this but apparently he is deathly allergic. His issues, he said, would be -
--the litter box. I would have to keep it clean. I agreed (even though I think cats should go outside). But he fears I won't (because a past girlfriend didn't). But never mind that I clean up the poo or that I step in the pee his dog leaves on the carpet.
--the smell. He can't stand the smell of cat pee or if it sprayed. (Yet his dog goes every day and he doesn't seem to notice).
--the dander.... Hello, you should see the dog hair! It is everywhere. I can't sit on my own bed without being covered in it. It is all over our blankets (and I do wash them often) so it is constantly blowing in my face... it drives me crazy. It is all over the couches. There is no place you can sit in this house without being covered. I can't vacuum everyday. I work. And even when we are cooking, it ends up in the food - now that is GROSS!

DOGS!!! I can not stand that dog! I tried. I tried loving on her. I tried scolding her. I don't even touch her now. I have nothing to do with her. She won't stop peeing and pooping on the floor and she needs to be outside.

a Gift

2008-11-12T05:40:00.006-06:00

Whilst I had been living in San Antonio, I had been feeling a little down and a friend Alex gave me a little gift to make me smile.

(Alex is an IT guy at one of my former employers and so he updated my avatar as a surprise. It is a good one and I appreciated it. Thanks Alex!)

In Remembrance of Veterans

2008-11-11T20:26:00.009-06:00

I Thank All of those who Serve.

Some have joined the military and fought battles on foreign lands.

Some joined and never saw battle but was ready at a moments notice to do their duty.

Some did not go but supported the troops while the rest of the country turned their back.

Some could not join but supported the family while they were away.

Thank you to those that fought, those that joined, those that stood up and those that kept close.

God Bless you all this Veteran's Day

My Prince

2008-11-11T05:29:00.008-06:00

My God has sent me a Prince and I want to Praise Him!

My Father in Heaven has heard my prayers. He has comforted me when I cried out for a husband. He took notes, read my heart and sought out to bring me a good man and a fine husband. He has given me Marlin.

A few nights ago, we had planned on going to the Olive Garden for a date night out (per my request). I had offered later that we postpone to stay home and continue working on picking colors so we could have a better plan when we went shopping the following day. Marlin was so grateful that I had suggested it because he too was concerned about getting all this done. We spent the weekend shopping for tools, paint stripper, tools, curtains, tools, stain, tools, etc....(hahaha) and then we came home and he played with his tools to hang my curtains, and played with tools again to hang his fountain at the entry way and he even got to show and tell to a few friends that stopped by.

So Monday came and he had called me at work to ask about ripping the carpet up earlier than planned so we can save $500 by dumping it now with his parents (they are also replacing their flooring) instead of later. (There is that feeling of overwhelmed again) I tell him that I didn't want concrete floors for the winter and was this going to move the floor project up? I wanted to save the money too but I just don't see how we are going to get it all done now! So he calls back later to tell me he loved me and not to be frustrated with him during this time.

I spend the rest of the day in knots trying to decide if I should say "Go ahead, honey, I trust you know what you are doing and going to make good decisions with our budget and our plans..." OR put my foot down and say "No! Not another dime will be spent on anything until we get the kitchen and living rooms painted at least."

I get home to have the talk. I walk in the house to see him busy in the back yard. He runs in the house, grabs me and places his hand over my eyes and drags me to the bedroom to wait till he is comes and gets me, then dashes out again.

When he returns he leads me out to the back yard where he has started an intimate fire in the chimnette, placed a candle and two glasses of wine on a small bistro table in front of the fire. He gave me a sweet kiss and dashed in the house again.

Course One: Appetizers
Fried cheese with marina and garlic bread with butter

Course Two: Soup
Italian Chicken and Dumpling with Spinach

[it began to rain so we brought our "picnic" inside - not raining on this parade!]

Course Three: Main Course
Chicken Parmesan

He had gone to Olive Garden to give me a romantic evening since I had given him the time he wanted to work on the painting project. I much preferred this intimate dinner to a crowded loud restaurant anyway. It is nice to be taken out on a date sometimes but last night was perfect.

The evening concluded with him laying across the couch, head in my lap and falling asleep peacefully and I finishing the James Bond movie he picked out.

So here is a picture of my Fine Prince:
He is a fine looking Prince indeed.

3. Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.
5. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

Song of Solomon 2:3-6

16. My lover is mine and I am his
Song of Solomon

My Father has blessed me and I Praise HIM!
Amen!

Riggers of Remodeling

2008-11-10T05:52:00.003-06:00

It is a process. It is an adventure, a headache, a learning experience.

My beau, Marlin, and I have been starting our "remodel". We aren't knocking down walls (thankfully) but we are taking out carpet, putting in hardwood flooring, painting, curtains, building a shed and back deck, laying down paverstone paths and putting in landscaping. Granted, not all at one time but we are starting with the painting and curtains.

Our theme: Country cottage

We both like the rustic and cozy feel and agree to most of the ideas but once in application, frustration sets in:
Marlin has to draw everything out right now and get the measurements of everything and pricing on the entire project and tools! for every thing to prepare for the upcoming projects. He says we have to do all this to submit for approval from the HOA which could take up to 6 months or so. He is the details and planning on the numbers side; pricing the lumber, determining the type of brace we need, buying the nail pressure gun, calculating the cubic inches, looking at blue prints of decks, buying software to virtually design it, and staking out the yard (even though we aren't building it for a year).
I am not as left brained. I like drawing out the plans for the landscaping and deck and yes, I want it all now too but I want to work on one project at a time. We both know we are working on a budget so I have a hard time seeing why we have to buy tools now we won't need for months. I understand we have to draw plans for approval for the HOA but do we need pricing for next years project when it is very likely the prices will have changed in a years time. He is so focused. I get overwhelmed with the entire project so I am trying to pace ourselves so we are only looking at what we need now for just painting; then we can look at buying another mantel or getting estimates on flooring, or buying pressure nail guns in two different sizes... etc.
Hence we get frustrated with how the other one works.
{sigh}
But I absolutely love him and am so glad that he can do all this stuff and I am so very happy that he will be working with (and learning from) my Poppa. Hopefully, this will bring them closer and Marlin will enjoying spending as much time them as he does with his family.

the space in between (chapter 2)

2008-11-06T18:54:00.004-06:00

So if you have no one else, you should have your family. ... but sometimes those who have your back, may not even be related to you.

I had just been beaten up, and packed as much as I could into my truck, called a former roommate that had lived in the house with us, who had moved north of Austin, had driven back to San Antonio to help me load as much as he could into his car and follow me 2.5 hours north to my grandparents. I had called mom and my grandparents to let them know what was going on and ask my grandparents if I could stay at their house while they were out of town. Granny said "yes" and Poppa was concerned about having the electricity and water turned back on for me (since they had been out of the house for the summer, the utilities had been turned off ). This is when things started going haywire. From what I remember, Mom had talked to Trisa (her sister, my aunt) and she, Trisa, was suggesting I call Travis (thier brother, my uncle), of which I couldn't get a hold of. I couldn't get a hold of Trisa either so I am basicly on the phone with Mom the whole 2 hours bawling my eyes out at what I was going to do now since I couldn't get a hold of Travis and Trisa wouldn't come to Lampasas and oh boo whoo ... I was DISTRAUT!
Between talking to Mom and Granny & Poppa, it felt like I was getting further from San Antonio but not closer to a home or place to stay.
(I have only cried harder than that on one occassion and that was from a betrayed heart.)
As we pulled up to my grandparents and started to unload boxes into their workshed, Travis happened to drive by. He began asking questions as to why I was there and seemed very suspicious about the whole thing. From what Poppa had said earlier, Travis was supposed to give me the key and turn the utilities back on; but Travis said he hadn't talked to anybody. Due to his lack of interest in seemingly wanting to help out or being concerned at all, I just said I would stay in a hotel. --Needless to say, I stayed in a hotel that night and out of everyone's way.
(Please note that I am relaying my present state of mind in it's delicate condition at that time and am not intending to slander anyone).

So I spent the week staying in a hotel and looking on line for a job. The following weekend would change my life forever....

....stay tuned!

the space in between (chapter 1)

2008-11-05T05:57:00.005-06:00

I know it has been a LONG LONG time since my last blog.... and SO VERY MUCH has happened. (hopefully in my long absence, I did not lose my one loyal reader hahahaha)

The update:

Well, Let's see. I was in San Antonio and Heather was visiting. It was a very nice visit. The wine probe was fun and I must admit that I had to pace myself and start alternating water after a glass or two. We also went to a dude ranch and had a blast and Heather even stood on a horse!!! ( I promise I will post the pictures soon). We went to the lake and went camping with some other friends of hers and it was nice to get a little sun on my translucent legs. Soon it was time to head back to Korea.

Some weeks later, Kevin and my living situation came to an unfortunate end. What started as a disagreement about living space soon turned into a physical altercation. We had been discussing his leaving trash on the kitchen for days and how it is our common area and we rent to live in this space etc.... suddenly he is up out of his chair, charging towards me, hand up and screaming within inches from my face. I had already started arching backwards to keep a distance but my instincts soon took over and I felt I needed to defend myself. I slapped him and told him to step back. This of course sparked the flame and he lunged towards me and from what I remember, we were grappling and wrestling around the kitchen. He was trying to punch me screaming "Not in his house" and I was trying to slam him into the cabinets to get him off me. It ended by him having me pinned down in the living room with my face pressed up against the stairs and him punching me in the back of the head. Needless to say, I called the police and left that night.

The ordeal was very traumatic for me but what possibly hurt worse was that I felt like the people that are most supposed to be there for you (family) weren't.

.........................to be continued...

a vaca w/ Heather

2008-05-19T19:56:00.003-06:00

Heather arrived in town yesterday.

We went grocery shopping and took it easy yesterday.

Today we spent the day downtown at the Riverwalk. We went to Ripley's Believe it or Not! and the Wax Museum. Ripley's was neat but the Wax Museum was disappointing. But the Riverwalk is still a lovey stroll and very nice.

Tomorrow is a wine probe through Fredericksburg and Stonewall. We are both looking really really forward to it.

(pictures will be posted soon.)

Stay tuned....

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

2008-05-05T08:35:00.004-06:00

The Ciaos that is [currently] My Life

2008-04-23T15:34:00.005-06:00

Ball of Confusion (that's what the world is today) [by the Temptations] comes to mind today.

I have a knot in the pit of my stomach that is growing and make me sick.

Stress - the physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another; strain.

Stress is a term that refers to the sum of the physical, mental, and emotional strains or tensions on a person. Feelings of stress in humans result from interactions between persons and their environment that are perceived as straining or exceeding their adaptive capacities and threatening their well-being. The element of perception indicates that human stress responses reflect differences in personality as well as differences in physical strength or health.

[Deep Breath]

My laundry list that effects my current state of mind: (should you care to read on...)

I am on the outs with my Mom with all the stuff happening with my brother, I feel unimportant.

I moved to San Antonio for a new start and a great job and all I think I have gotten is an ulcer.

I have bills and rent and no income and to make matters worse, both roommates are moving out (one of which because of me - he can't deal with a female roommate), so no pressure Jodi but you need to get your butt in gear.

I want a relationship soooo bad!!!!! I looked to the wrong person to have something stable to keep me from feeling dizzy in the midst of my ciaos and now I feel like I have lost my self worth entirely. It's like I see it. I know it was there but I am just watching it drift away and I am helpless to get it back... [sigh]

sigh.

Getting Settled

2008-04-07T21:41:00.004-06:00

Well, I am still unpacking and getting settled but my move to San Antonio has been a good one so far. I have met a few of San Antonio's finest entrepreneurs and made some positive contacts.

There is Kevin, the "Landlord".

Then there is Ryan who is our own personal landscaper (another roommate).

And last but not least, the beautiful, talented and charming groovy-gal Tina and her TGTV.

I just want to let all my "peeps" know that are going well and give a shout out to Edward. Let me know when you come to town to visit.
Heather will be here in a few weeks so it will be good to see her again and have another fun adventure.

Okay kids, I must be off to bed and catch a few winks. Kevin is certainly keeping me busy (cracking the whip) by helping do a few computer things... this is good for me - I am learning a lot.

(big yawn) Night Ya'll!

On the Road Again

2008-03-27T19:01:00.003-06:00

Well, Life is certainly about the Journey and I am on the road again.

I am off to San Antonio to find fame and fortune... okay maybe more like peace and quite.

I am leaving the nest again (hahaha - 3rd times a charm, right?!?!)

I had plans to head towards Austin but a friend beckoned me towards his neck of the woods and made a tempting offer I couldn't refuse. So I am packing up and heading out.

Nervous. Anxious. Excited. [sigh]

What is in a name?

2008-03-24T16:38:00.003-06:00

For those of you loyal readers, you may have noticed I changed the name of my blog.

It used to Jodi's Praise. When I started blogging, it was to highlight the praise in my life. To pray for those close to me and acknowledges the blessings God has given me. As my blog has developed and I have fallen more in love with it, it has developed into so much more.

Since it has blossomed into a very well rounded entity, I feel it is time to give it a more fitting name. I thought about "Jodi's Rollercoaster" but felt that it was bigger than just a single ride... hence, "Jodi's Amusement Park".

But as a true Monty Python fan, I am now leaning towards "Jodi's Flying Circus".

On the other hand, I do lend myself to Shakespeare quite often (note the title) and I do feel a certain hint of Greek Tragedy in my life at times (though no one has died yet). Although, let's face it, "Jodi's Greek Tragedy" is a bit to ominous and foreboding even for me. Perhaps my literary friends can come up with something much more cleaver...

So I need you ALL to weigh in! Cast your votes and I will sort through them this weekend.
Come 1 April, I will have a fitting title for my beloved blog!

To be Queen for a Day

2008-03-19T14:10:00.004-06:00

Ah, Tis good to be Queen!

- [typically, I am inspired to write on an event or an emotion... but for this one, it was the "title" that was my inspiration. I wanted to do a blog on being a Queen but I don't really know how to get this one off the ground.... I know I wanted to say "...it's good to be the Queen" (check) and something with "off with his head!!" (still working that one out). So bear with me on this most screwy blog. (This should be fun?!)] - [P.S. Perhaps this read best with a British accent; ya know, to get the full effect!]

I would like it to be noted that I have given considerable thought to my reign as High Queen and that this is something I most certainly do not take lightly.

I believe first and foremost in justice and truth. I can have a sympathetic heart; however support corporal punishment whole-heartily! So with that said, please summon my brother the Royal Idiot-Pain-in-the-Rear. To him I say, "Off with his head!!!" (check that one off)

As for my Coronation, Let us Eat Cake. (sorry, I had too)

Cheers to all my loyal subjects!

a Small World After All...

2008-03-19T11:41:00.007-06:00

A quick update to a Potpourri of Sorts -

Today at work we were having a "Town Hall" Safety briefing and when we were wrapping up, one of the Supervisors was telling us about a co-workers wife that was in the hospital. She had had a seizure...

[ gasp ] !! Seizure !!

Yes, low and behold, the lady whom I had witnessed having a seizure is no less than My Co-Workers Wife.

Shocking! What a small world.

So she is in ICU and being moved today. I don't have all the details but my co-worker, her husband, said she wants to meet me when this is all over. She doesn't remember anything so I am guessing it will be good for her to have someone fill in the gaps.

Let's pray for her. That the Lord covers her with His Healing Hands!

May He be Praised for His small world after all.

It's Monday Morning...

2008-03-17T05:35:00.002-06:00

...and it starts!

But first a quick recap....

As I said yesterday, "James is a Monster". Allow me to elaborate for a moment.

He was laying on the couch. His son, Kaysten, was laying on the ottoman next to the couch. Mom came into to living room to ask him to mow the back yard. He got angry; kicked, screamed, threw a fit, cussed, cussed, grabbed a pillow and threw it, cussed some more; well, you get the picture. Meanwhile Kaysten stands up to witness this act of childish behavior.

I chime in only to laughingly note that Kaysten is watching this and taking notes. But before I can even get the first word out, James has turned his anger at me and cussing at me to shut the F* up and so on.... Soon Mom is telling me to keep quite and don't antagonize him. I laugh and say I was merely pointing this out, then turn to enter my bedroom where I mostly reside.

Later that evening, James was changing Kaysten's diaper and from closed door and down the hall, I could hear Kaysten crying and James reprimanding him not to cuss. Mom comes running down the hall to find out what was going on and I open the door to observe. James starts justifying that Kaysten was swearing so [James] spanked [Kaysten]. I ask how that was fair when James throws fits and cusses all the time and in front of Kaysten. That James is setting the example.
No one even acknowledged my presence. I walk back into my room.

Now this morning.

I am awoken by the sounds of James screaming at Mom about something and Mom saying "I am leaving in 15 minutes."

I doze off for long enough to be woken up again by more yelling and Mom saying "15 minutes!"

I lay in bed for a minute before I give up sleep and walk into the kitchen. I try to have a concerning and sympathetic talk with Mom about James but she starts in on me that I am just as bad as he is.
She says I talk to her just as bad and am always criticizing....
(She storms off to her car, all pissed at me.)

.... okay. I give up. Let them all go.

I head to the back room and shortly after I hear her come storming into the house and beat on the bathroom door for James to "hurry up!!" He screams to "Hold on!"

It sounded like she beat the door down and drug him out. He starts screaming "What the H* was wrong with you?!" ...He cussed and yelled some more but I couldn't make it all out because I was trying to hear what Mom was saying as she drug him down the hallway.

Well, they finally slam the front door and are gone! But all the commotion woke Kaysten and scared him to death. He starts crying and I pick him up and hold him.
He is okay now but poor kid. I know no family is perfect but this is ridicules.

I know I am not perfect but I am not bad. [BIG SIGH]

[exasperated] I don't know what is wrong with me or my family. My mom is a smart lady so why is it we can't see what seems so obvious to others. ???? What is the right thing to do???? Just separate myself and let them work out themselves? It seems that there is no place for 'reason' with these people right now.

!!!!!! I feel sick !!!!!!!

a Potpourri of Sorts

2008-03-16T23:00:00.000-06:00

(Bear with me on this whirlwind adventure I like to call:

"My Thought Process")

As we were driving around town trying to get my 2 year old nephew to take a nap in the backseat, we decided that Church's sounded good for an early dinner. We pulled up and ordered like any day and waited for our food. As my Mother and I engage in conversation (of which is irrelevant and escapes me anyway), we see a truck in the grass lawn of the building to the right of the drive-thru. We take note but continue on in our discussion. I look back over to see the truck roll into the street and coast diagonally across. I think to myself that it appeared to be going so slow, almost like it was in neutral, but I thought "Surely not" and continued talking to Mom. Slowly it crossed each lane and I even looked to see if cars were coming (and they weren't) and wondered if some overly cautious person was at the wheel or perhaps they were out of gas or some other car trouble. Just as the truck was about to enter the last lane, a black sports car was coming. It honked! I shouted to Mom, "Did you see that!" and went into the details of my perspective. She made a comment or two and then I heard a CRASH! The truck had hit the brick wall of a Car Wash. I shout to call 911 and we frantically search for the cell phone. As we watch from across the street the black sports car comes back around to check on the truck. I see the male driver step out of his car and walk over to the truck. Mom and I wonder if there is even anyone in the truck. Then we see the man try to open the door, which is locked and start looking toward traffic waving his arms for help. I jump out of the car and yell we are calling for help and motioning toward the phone. As Mom is talking to the Operator, I run across the street to see how I can help and if we need the police or an ambulance. As I approach, the man has come around to the passenger side and trying to unlock the door from the cracked passenger window. He succeeds and runs back to the drivers side to open the door. I open the passenger door to see an older black woman, in a brightly colored dress, drooped to the side and her white poodle looking concerned in the passenger seat. The man says he thinks she may be having a stroke or a seizure. I asked if we needed to put a bit in her mouth or rag or something so she won't bite her tongue but he said 'No, there wasn't anything we could do but wait it out.' I see a towel on the back bench (seat) and start to pull it out. I look over and she was what appeared to be chewing on her tongue. Blood and spit and possibly small pieces of tongue were being spit from her mouth. I handed the man the towel and asked if we should get a blanket (to prevent shock or something). He took the towel and spoke to the woman that he was going to wipe her face and it was okay and tried to reassure her.

Up to that point, I was trying to recall what to do in those situations. I just wanted to help. But as soon as the man said 'She will be alright', I started to break into tears. This overwhelming emotion hit me. I tried to keep it together and let him know we had already called 911 but I was going to go ask my Mom when they would arrive. I ran back and Mom said they were coming. I recounted the details to her and almost lost it again. We got in our truck and drove across the street to let him know they were on their way. The police came right behind us and the ambulance showed up shortly after. We waited to give our statement and were soon on our way.

On the drive home, my chest hurt from the adrenaline burst wearing off compiled with the helplessness of this poor woman and her bloody tongue. We couldn't even imagine everything the Good Samaritan in the black sports car must be going through. -Poor guy. I hope he is alright.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My brother has to be a raving lunatic again and Mom is quick to tell me to be quite and not to set him straight. HE IS A MONSTER! and she just pacifies him apparently (which is all the justification he needs).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So as the day is winding down, my thoughts drift off to the last time I crossed paths with Glenn. I thought about how I reacted and wondered 'why?' when I had made such progress in forgiveness, or so I thought. Then I thought about baggage (ya know how 'they' say we all carry around baggage). I had this idea that instead of carrying around my heavy 'father issues baggage', I just dealt with it the best I could and then set it down. After all, no need in carrying all that excess baggage around. [I love analogies].
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then I thought back to an ol' friend and wondered if I should put my hurt aside and let him know I am proud of him and happy for him. So I sent an email to say just that...in so many words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then I thought I needed to blog about all of this and here I am. I would have been asleep by 9 o'clock but I seem to get my best ideas at night as I am trying to drift off to sleep. And the times I have waited to blog... well, I tend to forget my train of thought or my brilliant title or my deep thought or whatever genius thing it was.... [YAWN!!!! ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay then,

Good Night All!

...This just in....

2008-03-15T21:33:00.003-06:00

My Blog has just passed the 1600 visitors mark!!

Thanks for all your Love and Support!

the Art of Journaling

2008-03-15T20:33:00.006-06:00

Many many years ago when I entered my teen years, my Aunt Trisa gave me a journal for Christmas one year. I would occasionally jot down my thoughts though mostly it was a place for me to doodle the name of my crush of the week.

As the years passed and I joined the military, I went through phases where I would journal thoughts or bad days or good times with friends. Then there were the times I just didn't have time or couldn't find the words to sum up EVERYTHING I was feeling or thought.

It is interesting to go back and read those journals though...

Well during those times where I was loyal to "writing", I would buy neat little journals to keep my ponderings and epiphanies. I have one that is pink and I absolutely had to have it because it had such cute little sayings and, even though I was not a big fan of pink then, I simply couldn't pass up the purchase. It had to be mind. Needless to say, I made a few purchases along the way and I have a wonderful little collection of perfectly cute, perfectly brand new-never been used journals.

I LOVE this BLOG! I LOVE MY BLOG!!! I love the colors, the pictures, the readers, the creativity of it all. And since Angi has introduced me to it, I haven't even thought about my cute little journals collecting dust till today.

I think I may try to make some use out of them. I may start writing again. Otherwise they are brightly colored flimsy bookends.

for Me (for my Eulogy)

2008-03-15T00:00:00.003-06:00

Here is how I want to be seen - Here is how I want to be remembered.

Here is who I am.

I am Good.

I am Honest.

I am Decent.

I am Loyal.

I am corky, funny, cheesy, silly, witty, dramatic and Sincere.

I am Strong.

I am Independent.

I am Passionate.

I have Class and Poise.

I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a wife;

I am somebody and I am Important.

I am Genuine.

I am Open-Minded.

I am Tender-Hearted.

I am Considerate.

I am Forgetful; I am Forgiving

I am Patriotic.

I am Diplomatic.

I am Analytical.

I am Rational.

I am Stubborn.

I am full of Joy! I am Blessed! I am Loved! And I Love!

I am Me.

a Friendly Connection or a Campaign Tour

2008-03-14T19:34:00.004-06:00

Lately MySpace has been a useful tool to many ol' friends looking for me. I have reconnected with some high school friends I thought were surely lost along the path of life. I was thrilled that they looked for me; to discover I was not forgotten.

But sometimes one might wonder the motive...

The other day a once dear friend found me on MySpace. This person was my first love and my dearest friend. I loved him and he made me feel like I was his world. He was so important to me. I was dealing with a deadbeat father and a brother and sister to raise. He understood me, he loved me, accepted me, and made me feel like I was the greatest thing God had ever made.

....But high school ended and we moved apart. He found a different path and I wasn't on it.

I found my own way too. I have done a lot in my short 31 years. I gave birth to a son I am proud of and made a family for Tim and Lisa I love to brag about. I joined the Air Force and met some 0f the greatest people on this Earth!! I served my country and worked along side the men and women that fight for freedom. I have traveled and experienced cultures I couldn't have even imagined. I am so thankful for the life God has blessed me with; more so the friends He has blessed me with.

So why now after all this time does he look me up? Why now do I get an email from this person?
Part of me wants to believe that he never forgot me. I have always wanted to be "the one that got away". I want to be the girl they look back on and wonder, "She was great. I wonder what happened to her..."
The other part of me (the part that is hardened and cynical) wonders if I am just a stop on his "Two Dollar 'Campaign' Tour" to promote his music... which admittedly is pretty good. Actually there are a few that are really catchy.

Well, I guess you never know till you leap....

To Be-at Or Not To Be-at

2008-03-08T19:02:00.010-06:00

Definitely To Beat!!!

I am takin' James down. I have ABSOLUTELY HAD ENOUGH!!!

So today the real question is what to beat him with. Of course my pulse instinct was my fist; but let's be real: that wouldn't do anything and probably hurt me worse and just get him madder. So my next thought was a bat... What?! It would be wooden! Seriously folks, I am not kidding here!

But after a quick discussion with my cousin we threw out the bad idea and tossed around getting a whip!

Cool, huh! (I will have to get the entire ensemble and but it would be worth it... ). Problem is, I don't really know how to work a whip and could do more damage to myself.

So that moved on to a switch (which isn't quite as cool and doesn't make the same sound but still stings pretty bad). So now I will have to go cut a switch behind the barn kind-of-thing!

But then it came to me!!! An Air Pressure Gun! I am now in the market for a Air Pressure gun that shoots little rubber pellets or balls (or whatever)!!

I am not trying to kill anybody, just bring about some pain...

My earlier blogs were venting because I was trying to reason with my brother and make him understand and learn. To Evolve into a better person. I have since had to give up that hope.

This is now about having self respect. I Will Not Tolerate being spoken to in such as manner as he does. He cusses. He screams, spits, shouts, swears and calls me un-godly names. If I were a man, I would take him outside and lay him out cold. As I am not, I will have to resort to other measures -- like an Air Pressured Gun.

I may not be able to deck him in the face; but I guarantee I will leave some lovely whelps on his back... now my temptation will be not to aim for his head!!!

So any comments?

Do you have a better suggestion?

Perhaps a better weapon??

Do you think I have completely lost it???

I welcome all comments as to my dilemma. In fact, let's make it a contest!!!

(Yea!! My first contest)

For all those who leave a comment, their name will be put in for a drawing. The prize will be a $30 MaryKay Gift Certificate!

a Glimpse at Examining Inner Demons

2008-03-05T21:39:00.007-06:00

Recently, as some of you have been reading, my brother has become a daily disturbance in my life. And if it isn't him, it is my mother taking up for him.

I have so much bottled up inside me bursting to break free. I have thoughts of tying him up and gagging him so I can out pour all the things I want and need to say. I want to preach, lecture, beg, plead. I want to force him to watch every poignant(sp) movie about being a good parent/sibling/human.
I want to hit him. I want to hurt him. I want to scream and inflict pain upon him. I want to tell him I love him and I want good for him. I want to make him understand how much he is hurting me and this family. AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

...but I won't. I won't ever do any of those things. I couldn't. For one, there is no telling the repercussions I would face (defeated chuckle). But, and perhaps more importantly, it wouldn't be right... would it? I mean, those things aren't proper or appropriate. One doesn't lose one's temper in such a way! Not in a civilized society. A lady simply doesn't behave poorly.

I have thought "What if I got drunk enough that my inhibitions went and I could say those things and even take a few swings..." ...But I couldn't do that either! Even drunk...damnit!

What inner demons live in us? What dwells within our own conscience that brings about such dark thoughts and conjures up evil things? And what else weighs on our conscience that keeps the demons only dreaming and not released?

There were times in my earlier life I would think, "I would never..." but surprisingly, I did. Perhaps I was caught up in the moment. Perhaps, despite everything I knew better, I gave into my desires. Perhaps I just needed to fulfil a basic human need.

There are things I really really wish I could do, but I honestly don't think I could (like tell off my brother).

Are there really little devils and angels sitting on our shoulders and whispering into our ears? If so, that little devil certainly knows how to get me roweled up.

Either way, they are making me crazy!!

Expectations

2008-02-24T21:48:00.004-06:00

I have a problem.

I have expectations. Of my self and others. I expect that people have a purpose. I expect that the human race is ultimately good. For people to have manners and courtesy and values and goals. I don't think that everyones goal is to be President or CEO (rich or powerful) but just to be a better person. To be a good human being. To be kind and gracious. To have a better understanding of the people around us or just ourselves. That we continually evolve to be better versions of ourselves. I know none of us are perfect, but shouldn't we strive to be at least better!?!

This problem is very real and very serious. See, because there are people who don't care or evolve for the better; instead they degress, and this upsets me.

This makes me crazy. What a waste. A waste of space, air, time, effort... Some of the most pondered questions are "What is our purpose? What does it all mean? What is the meaing of the Universe?" It would seem that we would seek to learn the answers. Yet it is painfully apparent that there are those whose only purpose seems to be to loaf. (Perhaps those people evolved from leeches.)

Alas, I need help with this problem. How do I come to terms with the likes of this plague?

An Intimate Moment

2008-02-22T22:35:00.004-06:00

I haven't had a beau in over 7 years and I haven't been "intimate" in 4 years.

But you know what I miss most? Kissing.

You know what I long for? Hugs and cuddles.

I miss being in love. I miss watching movies on the couch all curled up together. I miss sleeping in the arms of someone who loves me. I miss holding hands. I miss strong gentle hands through my hair. I miss touches on my cheek or shoulder.

I want to have conversations about what to do for dinner. I want to discuss wheat bread over white bread or which detergant did we not like. I want to have pillow talk on rainy Sundays wrapped in each others arms. I want to plan weekend getaways and how we are are going to spend our retirement. I want to listen to him and I want him to want to listen to me. I want to be in love.

Lasting Love.

Am I a hopeless romantic?

A silly girl who daydreams too often?

Is that really too much to ask for?

Work-aholic

2008-02-17T19:24:00.003-06:00

Hello, my name is Jodi and I am a work-aholic.

I guess it must have started in the military...though it might have been even before that. While staitoned in Florida, I would stay late to get caught up on the work that hadn't been done for doing another persons or helping customers. (Though it seems I did have some form of a social life then).

Then I went on to Korea and often worked weekends. In fact, on one occasion, the Commander actually ordered me to go home.

Then it was off to Germany, but to be honest, it was Europe and I tried to make the most of it. I didn't travel as much as I should have or would have liked to... but I was working (shaking my head and sighing).

.... I am sure you get the idea by now.

I think people are workaholics for different reasons. Some are very goal oriented... but I don't think that is me. Some are power driven to climb the ladder... but I am not that either. No, I am the one who, while I really do have a lot of work, uses it as an excuse to not go home and be lonely or bored or deal with family who is at home. ...at least that is my theory.

My mother has a different theory. She says that I have a need to please people. She says that I do this to seek approval and be liked. ...Let's evaluate this, shall we.

Let's see. First, I am the oldest and had to be responsible for two toddlers. If I didn't do a good job, I was beaten...(No, I am kidding, I am not Sybil). I was punished though and usually that meant grounded. Which what was the difference, I had to be home whether I was or wasn't because she was going to school all day and worked at night. It wasn't like my "father" was around to help.
Secondly, while I might have been the oldest, my brother came next and he is the only son (spoiled), the miracle baby because Mom didn't think she could have anymore (spoiled rotten), and then had complications with birth and was premature (filthy stinking brat)! Then there is my sister who is the baby... need I say more. This was my competition. The precious boy and the baby girl. I was just there to take care of them (and that is how I felt). I could never finish a story to Mom for their interuptions. I was always in trouble for their breaks, messes, or deliberat falls. Of course I was craving for attention!!!

So back to the military; a female Chief Master Sergeant came to address a group of us one day about her career. I think the "intension" was probably "How to make Chief" or something to that effect. Instead it seemed more heart-warming. She confessed that while she had achieved a prestegious military rank, she had sacrificed so much more to get there. She had lost her family. She made it very clear that one must know what is more important to them; family or career. It is very hard to balance both and one tends to lose sight of or take for granted the things that matter most.
I took that very much to heart. I didn't want to be a lonely spinster and have no one but just my name on a door. ...but since I don't have a husband, I guess if I have to put myself into something, it might as well be work. Besides, I believe in taking pride in ones work.

So what makes me a workaholic? Well, I know I need to get out and I really want to but I can't seem to stop. I seem to have a crutch, called work. How ironic is that?!?!

I have such dreams. I think about taking some classes, but I just don't have the time. I think about joining a theatrical group, but when will I find the time? I need to meet other people but I just have so much work to do, I can't leave now. ... maybe next week... next month.... later.

My greatest fear is being alone. Of working and working and never finding anyone. Of losing myself and my identity to my work and never finding anyone to share my life with.

Light in the Dark Hours

2008-02-16T09:02:00.001-06:00

Recently I found myself in a Dark Place. It is a hard place to be in. To know that despite knowing better, my mind would still conjour up such dark thoughts; such depressing and overwhelming feelings. I found an interesting blog that served as a support group of sorts, to remind me others go through this too. I felt a little like "Girl Interrupted".

But the real ray of light in my dark hours were my friends. They are wonderful! Heather wrote me from the other side of the planet (Korea) to check on me and see if I was okay. Dawn sent a message of love and compassion! Even an ol' beau took the time to drop a line of concern and empathy.

I know I am rich with blessings of wonderful friends. I am eternally thankful for each of them. I never lose sight of that! I just wished they were a little closer (sigh).

Thank you for being a ray of light in my dark hours.

a Dark Place

2008-02-13T23:05:00.008-06:00

I am depressed. I am lonely. I am in a place with no friends and no love-life. I feel like no one cares about me, how I feel, or what I think. I feel like I should shut my mouth and not speak again. Never to burden anyone with my troubles, thoughts or opinions. I honestly feel like I just don't want to be alive here. I want to be in a bright, warm and happy place. This place is dark, cold, lonely and depressing. I feel alone, uncared for here. (Disclaimer: I AM NOT SUICIDAL AND WILL NOT ATTEMPT HURTING MYSELF)

It is kinda scary feeling this way. It feels like I am losing a battle for my sanity.

Aside from turning 32 in a few weeks and still single, having no romantic interests, local friends to hang out with, no one to really talk to, dating prospects, cultural hangouts or anything resembeling a social life; my life is okay.

I really don't have a reason to feel depressed. ...but I do.... and in a big way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-01-25T20:26:00.000-06:00

Today is Nicholas' Birthday!!

They grow up so fast. He will be 12 and that blows my mind. So much has happened yet it seems like it hasn't been that long. It just feels like a whole lot of things happened all at once in a very short period of time...

(sigh)

But he is growing...

...and growing, and growing....

I am still so proud of him for the son he is and the brother he is and the family he makes and the man I hope he will be.

Horizon

2008-01-18T17:15:00.000-06:00

In the eye of a storm, it is calm and clear while the storm wages around you. It is like having clarity in the middle of ciaos.

These last several weeks have been quite insanely busy at work. With trying to tie up all of last years hours, carry over any remaining time and get the new year ready, I am definitely ready for a break. On top of all that craziness, my troublesome brother has had to move back home since he hadn't been responsible to take care of himself. Alas, home has not been the refuge it once was (which gave me that much more motivation to work as late as possible before retiring to my down comforter).

Well, this last week I came home to a quite house. No television blaring, No boy with remote channel surfing from Mom's couch, Nothing. Mom came from down the hall to announce that James was in jail and he would be there for about 2 weeks. Then there was a quip about how I must be happy... (Now was that really necessary?!?!)

The moment had come. I could wait no longer. It had to be said. I began in defense of myself (as calmly and monotone without raising my voice) stating that wasn't true. I didn't want him hurt or in trouble but simply he isn't responsible.

He wasn't responsible enough to keep his job or search for other employment.

He wasn't responsible enough to pay his utilities to keep his electricity on which is why he was sitting in his truck at 3 in the morning rev-ing his engine to keep warm.

He wasn't responsible enough to pay his rent which is why he was evicted.

He wasn't responsible enough to take care of his own truck which is why he had to borrow our sisters truck to get around.

He wasn't responsible enough to pay his insurance so when the truck did incinerate, he wouldn't receive a claim.

I don't have sympathy for him because all his trouble or misery is his own doing. Then I told her that I knew she didn't want to hear this but for my own therapy I needed to say it. I am sick of being the oldest. I am sick of having to be the responsible one. I am sick of always being the bad guy because I don't have sympathy for him. I am sick of her always taking his side. Not that she defends him but that she doesn't back me. She expects me to be nice or let it go or not say anything to pacify him. He is the cursing, swearing, spitting, filthy, monster and yet I am the one reprimanded.

I told her all of that and she heard me. We actually talked. Finally. She asked why I always stayed locked up in my room and I explained it was to keep the peace. I couldn't say anything without him yelling at me or being offended because I didn't dance around the truth. I just assume not listen to him rant about what was on the tv or screaming to gain control of the remote or hear him go on as if he were the resident PhD of all the Universal Unanswered Questions. She accusationed about why was I waking up at 4am to get ready for work when I didn't have to be there till 8am and I answered by asking her why she goes on and on about her day and her co-workers but never even asks me anything about my day. A lot of things were finally put on the table and I hope it was finally understood.

The last few days have been very nice. We have laughed and talked and it is much nicer with him out of the house. ...but it won't last forever.

So I am looking for my a place of my own. My own house. I have started the process. I have a realtor and a long list of homes to look through.

I know the storm is still circling around me but for now, I am taking comfort in the Eye. The Horizon is visible and I am happy for it.

and Exhale

2008-01-07T17:46:00.000-06:00

After a long weekend, I need a rest.

But today, like typical Mondays go, my head was spinning in 10 different directions and I am just trying to keep up!

It all started Friday night when I decided to hang out with the guys! I wanted to be cool and prove my worth and show I can hang with the best. After all, I had spent 8 years in the military and I was no wimp! So I meet up with them at Hammerheads and the drinking commences! I hadn't eaten since lunch and I knew I really should get some food in me....but did I?? NO! Why would I do that? Because I am foolish! None of the guys were eating and I had to play cool. (Idiot!) So the Smirnoff keep coming and then someone really wants to do a shot. And I am cool and can hang with the best so I say okay!!! (Imbecile) ....let's just skip ahead, shall we?!
Needless to say, I throw my brains out on the beach, ride home with my head out of the car window like a seasick dog, lose my left lung on the front lawn, flushed my right lung sometime later, and then systematically began to chunk parts of my stomach lining out after that. No amount of water, dry toast, oatmeal or apple juice would stop the spasms. I wanted death... but it did not come. Why? Well folks, that is easy. One must live through these things so they can relive the embarrassment when the see their fellow bar goers (or coworkers). Alas, this too shall pass.

Saturday I spent the morning running laps between bed and toilet till I finally had enough strength to breath without gagging. I went to get my truck and stopped in for a little work. Visited a friend and regaled in the previous nights antics!

Sunday, I did a little laundry, went on the boat to enjoy the beautiful weather, and by the time we were heading back to shore, a brush fire started on one of the islands out on the Gulf and I found myself crouching down on the boat floor just to breath and keep my eyes from burning. Aww, what a day... but wait, there is more. The evening ended by cooking Onion Tart for Monday's Potluck.

Monday is now winding to a close and I feel the anticipation of sinking down into my soft bed and sleeping like hibernating bear cubs.

Good night and best of luck on tomorrow.

Rockwell Wednesday

2008-01-02T21:01:00.001-06:00

I love this picture. It says so much to me.

These men and boys looking at this soldier with such wonder.
Wondering: What has he seen? What has he done? Where has he been? What was it like?

And here sits a young man. A soldier.
Wondering: Do they know what it was like; what I went through? Would they understand? Could I ever explain it? How do you explain the unexplainable? The images, the sounds, the smells....

What does it say to you??

One Day Away

2007-12-30T19:23:00.000-06:00

We are but one day away from a new Year. Everyday is a new chance, a new opportunity, a Gift from God! Each Year is a chance to wipe the proverbial slate clean and start fresh.

And I fully intend to honor that life long tradition! So for the new year, I will be adding a series called "Rockwell Wednesday" and few other tasty and titillating posts.

I also plan on being more timely with my posts. So stay tuned!

Happy New Year!!!

I just can't win

2007-12-27T17:32:00.000-06:00

So I told you how Mom says I am selfish and self-centered and so on while my sister and I were talking about breakfast. Well I never told her how much that upset me. In fact, I didn't bother talking to her about any of this because she already thinks I am selfish and why add salt to the wound.

So today I get a text from her saying, "I love you so much. You are so special!" Now I am totally neurotic and this is something she has NEVER done before so I ask her what this is all about...??? She says it was because she was just thinking of me. --That's nice. And I should be happy, right?

So I call her later to finally talk to her about what she said. I said I didn't to start a fight but just wanted to say that what she said really upset me and I wasn't that selfish.

So now we are home and she is standing in the middle the living room and won't let me through. She then gets upset because I don't say anything. If I say something, I am selfish. If I don't say anything, I have an attitude. I can't win with these people!!! I try to stay out of everyones way to keep the peace and I still end up in the wrong.

Losing myself in Self Analysis

2007-12-25T19:36:00.000-06:00

I have come to the very real and serious decision that I need counseling.

It has been an emotionally taxing holiday. The irony is, it was my decision to have a big holiday with the family. When asked about what I wanted to do this Christmas, I said since it was my first Christmas out of the military and it had been 8 years since we had all been together, I wanted a big family Christmas. .... I had to open my big fat mouth, didn't I!?!

My brother alone is enough to drive anyone off a cliff or to vote in favor of the death penalty. It seemed everything I did while at my grandparents was "bitchy". ... actually, it started before that....

My Mom had planned for she and I to drive both our SUVs 4.5 hours to get my brother the week before Christmas, load her truck and mine up, drive back, unload and then turn around and drive back up the following weekend. That didn't happen. He wanted to stay [despite the fact he didn't have a truck (it had caught fire and been incinerated), no job for several months, no electricity, and was about to be evicted] to be with his girlfriend (who may or may not be pregnant). So she decided we would just get him when we went home for Christmas; however, she kept asking if I was working the Friday before or if I could get off. ( I don't have vacation or holiday time. I am a temp so I get paid only for the time I am there and I needed to make my 40 hours.) I said I would try to make up as many hours as I could so I could get off early. (She must have forgotten because she asked me several other times.)

So my sister and her husband comes down the week before to stay with us before we load up and drive to my grandparents. Now my Mom, Sister, and Bro-in-law are all smokers. I am not. I would on occasion but began to get terribly ill so had to stop (thankfully). So I come home and we are all watching a movie. My sister lights up. She finishes. She opens the french door, lights up again, throws the lighter to my Mom, and Mom lights up. I am tired and don't want to be in the room so I get up, walk out, and close my bedroom door. I can not stand the smell of it and being a small living room with 3 smokers is gross!!! So I must have upset my sister because later I hear Mom shouting from across the house how I am so rude!
-I am so rude???? How is that? How am I rude because I got up and didn't say anything?-
So shortly after, my sister comes in my room and asks if I want to watch the other movie. I said no, that I was tired and was just going to go to bed. -- Then the TV roars with the sound of Twentieth Century Fox. I had already climbed in bed and wasn't getting out ... so I yelled at Mom to come in my room. (Now, please keep in mind that I had been working long hours to make up Friday time. And Oh-by-the-way, I wasn't going to work Friday so we could leave early so all the more time I had to make up. Needless to say I was very tired). Mom comes in and I (admittedly have a hateful tone) begin by saying I wasn't rude for walking out. She cuts in with I was huffy and slammed the door. I interrupted by reminding her I was working long hours, was very tired because I was trying to be off Friday for her, and could she keep the volume down. She storms out and the volume was eventually turned down a few minutes later ( I am sure only to prove her point).
I did try to apologize the following morning (though I also used the opportunity to reiterate my point) but it wasn't very well received.

(flash forward to grandparents) We wake up and most everyone was in the kitchen making breakfast and getting coffee. I had opted to stay out of my brothers way and stayed in the bedroom busying myself by making the bed and tidying up. I entered the kitchen just in time to get a half a piece of bacon and a single piece of toast still left on the table. As I reached down for the toast, my sister with a mouth stuffed of eggs, bacon, toast; grunts at me indicating she had dibs on the last piece of toast. I scoff that I was so sorry, spin on my heals and walk out of the kitchen back to the bedroom. Later I pull her in the bedroom to have a little chat. She said I had been very crabby all week. So I start by asking her how many pieces of toast she had? How many eggs? How much bacon? I then tell her that I had a half a piece of bacon that was left on the table and was hoping for the toast before she barked at me. She defends that she thought I had already eaten. I then explain about the other night when I left the living room because of the smoke and how I was working a lot of hours and was very tired. I wanted to know why was everyone so quick to be upset with me but no one even ask if I was okay or what was going on with me???

So later my Aunt and I talk and I bend her ear about the whole thing. She shares her perspective with me that my sister was treated like a 3rd class citizen, my brother was always having excuses made for him, and I was having to except blame and responsibility for both of them.
I knew about my brother. It was something I saw very clearly and it drove me crazy and I felt very much like everything was somehow my fault, whether it was or wasn't, I couldn't win. But I didn't know about my sister. I could see how that could be. I never felt a bond with her like I did with my brother when they were babies. I did feel bad for her. We just never really talked or bonded. She is 10 years younger than me so we never had anything to talk about. To me, she was a bratty little baby. The oldest vs the youngest kinda thing, I guess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought I had come to terms with my history ("baggage" if you will). But I felt very much like I opened a closet door and it poured out and knocked me off my feet.
My Mom is still making excuses for my brother and telling me how I am so selfish and self-centered and self-absorbed and think only of myself and how I feel and what I want and not of anyone else. And I guess I still don't really know how to relate to my poor little sister. I still feel bad for her. I wish I knew how to fix me and how to heal this family.

So there you have it. I need therapy! I guess it will be my New Years Resolution (even though I don't really believe in those - but I do believe in bettering oneself).

Cheers.

So Tired

2007-12-19T19:58:00.000-06:00

So tired!!

(big yawn)

Feeling very groggy.

Pardon the grouchiness

Must sleep!

Good Night and sweet dreams.

Kissing

2007-12-15T09:26:00.000-06:00

Tis the Season for Mistletoe!

And all this mistletoe puts me in the mood to smooch.

I miss kissing. I was so good at it!

Watch out boys, I am feelin' fresh! (giggles)

Happy Hunting! ....oh, I mean Holidays! Yes...

"Happy Holidays!!!"

Smitten

2007-12-13T22:10:00.000-06:00

I was minding my own business, talking to someone when he came around the corner. Before I knew it, I was blushing and giggling and shrugging my shoulders while laughing into my hair -- "What has gotten into me?!" I wondered! "Oh my gosh, I hope no one caught that... How embarrassing!" I felt like a 5th grader at recess. How silly and funny I must have looked.

At first it's just a simple acknowledgement of attraction that catches your eye. Then there is a look, a laugh, a witty retort, a clever saying, something more that captures your attention. Then before you know it, you are smitten.

"Hello, my name is Jodi and I am smitten."

a Beautiful MOMent

2007-12-11T06:21:00.000-06:00

Absolutely Beautiful!

Angi has captured a beautiful moment and put it to poetry to it.

Sunday Skin

(Angi, ya like that word play....(giggles).... "Beautiful MOMent")

Evolution OR just a work in progress...

2007-12-10T08:58:00.001-06:00

I don't know at what point I became me.

I can pinpoint pivotal moments in my life but at what point I became the person I am eludes me. I guess I am just a work in progress. That's what life is though, isn't it? Progress. Evolving into a better person. --At least that is what I believe.

I believe that part of life is about bettering ones self; be it spiritually, mentally, physically, any combination or all of the above. Whether it be read, take classes, research, observe, or just ponder the meaning of life.

But then there is my brother. My poor pathetic brother. He calls last night at 10pm to say the truck is on fire. .... and just what are we supposed to do from 276 miles away???? But to make matters really worse, Mom gets SO upset. She can't sleep, she can't talk, she can barely breath. She is crying so hard, she is distraught and just bawling and weeping. What am I to do? How do I help her. So I just sit there for 2 and a half hours waiting, watching, talking, comforting, hugging and crying with her. He calls back and that only seems to make matters worse. She can't even talk, she just hangs up. I call him back and he proceeds to swear and raise his voice... of which I clench my jaw, and through gritted teeth let him know he will NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!

He upsets everyone. The entire family has their feathers ruffled. My sister calls to ask if he is okay because he thinks Mom is so mad, she won't talk to him.

OMGaw!!!! Where does one start?!?!?!

Mom said that she wished he would hurry and learn whatever lesson God wants him to learn. ...as though God put him in this situation. This is a topic we discussed to some length. I said, "God did not put him in this situation!" James is where he is because of his own decisions. Good or bad we end up where we do because of our decisions. Things happen to us that are out of our control, yes; but how we handle them, what we do (be it react or recover), these things are in our hands and our decisions. That is what makes a [Man], his decisions. The wisdom he uses to guide his life.

___________________________

(NIV) Proverbs 1:1-7 The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: for attaining wisdom and discipline;for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young - let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance - for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

___________________________

Christ came to tell the world of God's Love. He was persecuted, spat on, and even betrayed by his most trusted, His own family. These things were out of His control yet how did He handle them? He was tempted by Satan and offered all the world (Luke 1:1-13), yet how did He handle it?

We all have choices. God gives us the freedom to choose and make our own decisions. It is the decisions Jesus made that showed His Love and His Loyalty. Christ even prayed that His Father would take this from Him (Matthew 26:36-44, Mark 14:32-41, Luke 22:39-46) but that His Fathers Will be done..."Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done." Despite being faced with betrayal, persecution, and painful death; he still chose to honor His Father's Will.

We choose how we handle things or we choose to ignore it; either way, it is our choice. We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, no; but we all must confess our sins, faults, imperfections and ask forgiveness. Ask of God but also of those we have done wrong, treated poorly or offended.

______________________________

(NIV) James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

______________________________

So maybe some take longer to evolve.

.......(sigh)...... I just hope he does evolve or at least show progress...

.....Let us pray.....

from Love to Disdain

2007-12-06T21:16:00.000-06:00

Since I was old enough to talk, I wanted Mom to have another baby for so long and 8 years later, she did. When my brother was born, I was in Love! I rocked him to sleep and carried him around. He was so beautiful and precious. Those heart string were sewn all through me.

As time goes and he grew up, he became a monster. A hideous snarling mangy 23 yr old monster. He cusses and screams at me all the time. It is impossible to have a conversation with him. He has been in jail at least twice and calls Mom to bail him out. He doesn't have a truck payment because Mom let him use my sisters old truck but he doesn't take care of it. Then complains that it is crap and wants Mom to fix it. He hasn't paid rent in months, has no electricity and is probably about to be evicted. He has had his license revoked from too many tickets and DUIs. He calls Mom almost, if not everyday and asks for help.

He disgusts me. I have such disdain for him. He enrages me. I morn the loss of my precious baby brother. What happened to that little boy? There is no talking to this monster! I want to box his face in. I want to strap his hands and feet together, stuff a gag in his mouth and make him watch hours of video of families that lost kids from drunk drivers or kids that lost parents because of a drunk driver. I want to rant and lecture and plead and preach and talk some sense to him. I want to make it perfectly clear that he is ruining his life. That his actions have consequences. Why can't he see that??? Not only that, but what he does effects others.

His son is growing up with a worse father than he had. He doesn't want to be like his (our) father yet he is just as bad. He came down one weekend and spent more time watching tv than spending time outside playing with his son. He has no patience or tolerance at all and just as little for his own child. He fears that his new gal may be pregnant. Yet again, not taking responsibility for his actions and preventing accidents from happening.

What is wrong with him?? What is wrong with the world that people like this exist? How is this person and I from the same gene pool???

How do I deal with someone that used to be so precious and I loved so dearly, that is now hideous, foul, crude, rude, vulgar, repugnant and I wouldn't waste my spit on. He is family. Family is supposed to be about tolerance, understanding and love. I have tried to love him as Christ loves him. Lord knows I have prayed for him. I have had such gut wrenching tear drenched prayers it is ridiculous. I have praised his few accomplishments to encourage him. Nothing seems to work. Nothing seems to stick. It's like the two step - one step forward, two steps back and all your doing is circling the floor.

So pray for me.

Pray for him.

Pray for us all!

Facing a Ghost

2007-11-25T12:39:00.000-06:00

Many, if not most, people have some kind of emotional baggage.

Mine derives from my father. I use the term loosely. (Freud licks the lead of his pencil and begins taking notes)

My life isn't a Greek tragedy. In fact by most accounts, I would say it is pretty good. There hasn't been any incest, affairs to speak of, or conspiracy to murder in the pursuit of gaining power or anything quite as plotted as Hamlet.

My family is pretty close and while we have our fair share of drama, we are still family and "relatively" close (pardon the pun). However when it comes to my so-called-father, it is a different story.

He is an alcoholic. He is no more than a worthless bum to me.

Many marriages end for many different reasons. Some grow apart, some fall out of love, some aren't capable of being responsible financially or emotionally, etc... but parents are still obligated to be parents.

My "father" didn't. As far as I am concerned, drinking was too important; his friends were more important; not being accountable, responsible, mature or dealing with anything was more important. Keeping a job was apparently an impossible feat. Providing for his family was even more of an unfeasible exploit. And despite the marriage failed due to his obvious flaws, one might think his children would hold some sobriety in his soul.... but they would be mistaken.

I have dealt with fury, anger, vengeance, rejection, insecurity and loss; not just for myself but for my brother and sister who I also saw dealing with the same sense of rejection and insecurity. For a long time, everything that went wrong in my life was his fault. If I failed a test, it was his fault I was stupid because he was drunk when I was conceived. If I got in trouble, it was his fault because.... it didn't matter, some how it was his fault.

Then I finally realized that by saying that, it prevented me from controlling my own life. I was not being responsible for my own life or my own decisions. If everything was his fault, I saw only negative and not the positive. I decided to live my own life and except whatever My Consequences are, good or bad. He became Dead to me.

For many years I couldn't even say the word "forgiveness" in the same sentence with his name. In fact, I couldn't even say his name or think about it without becoming enraged. But with him "dead to me", it wasn't something I needed to worry about. Periodically, the topic of my father would get brought up and I was encouraged to forgive. I thought about it and found it impossible. After all he had done to me, my siblings, my mother, my family ...."Hell No!" He didn't deserve it.

One day someone mentioned forgiveness again. They talked about what it meant, how vengeance is the Lord's and how withholding it condemn us. I was certainly not going to be condemned because of him. But how do I forgive when I can barely say his name without spitting? They explained that forgiveness doesn't mean that we have to have a picnic and make balloon animals or anything out of a Rockwell painting, but instead I just don't wish harm upon him. It took some time but I finally quit hoping an anvil would fall from the sky...

I have been able to say "I forgive him" for a while now without spitting or going into spasms, which is quite an improvement. I guess what I am thinking is that I don't wish him harm, which is how I can get it out with a straight face.

It has been many many years since I have seen him. I have no intention calling him up and sitting down to coffee for a long overdue father-daughter chat. As far as I am concerned he was still dead to me and it wasn't necessary to get in touch.

The day after Thanksgiving, my mom, brother, nephew and I went to my aunt's house to see my father's side of the family. My grandmother was there and an Uncle and Aunt I hadn't seen in several years. As we pull up, my brother says that "dad" (that is what he calls him) is there. I start screaming! "NO!!!! NOOO!!!!! I don't want to do this! I can't do this!!! NO! NOOO!!!" I felt frozen and scared! I felt bombarded with all different kinds of nightmarish emotions! What was I going to do? How can I get out of this?? What could I do?

I made my way slowly in the house, careful to enter each room. I said hello to each person, keeping an eye out for this ghost that haunted me. I saw a figure enter the back door and blurted that I had to go to the bathroom before dashing down the hallway. I locked myself in the lue for some 20 minutes. I cried, attempted giving myself a pep talk, breathed deeply, felt nauseous, and finally, with shaky hands, turned the knob to make the journey back into the house. I crept slowly down the hallway and turned, standing in the archway of the living room, inspected each face before bravely stepping into the dimly light room. I made my way over to the corner of the couch and tucked myself into the darkened corner. I pulled the throw pillows over me and clutched them tightly while nervously playing with the tassels. My Aunt and I chatted while I kept a watchful eye on the archways, contemplating my escape route.

Soon it was time to take my nephew home and my mom and brother were shortly out the door, leaving me behind. I quickly said goodbye to everyone attempting a hug for most of them closest to me, then took to flight out the door, slamming it behind me and ran the rest of the way down the driveway.

It was over. The ghost was behind me. With nothing more for me to do than sort out my feelings, I pondered on why was I such a wreck? After all I had prayed and the progress I had made, why was I so distraught at the idea of coming face to face with the ghost? More so, I asked why was I expected to be civil and play nice with someone who had not shown me any empathy?

All I can come up with is "Baby Steps". Slow progress. I still have some growing to do, I admit. Maybe in time, who knows. But for the time being, I don't like seeing ghosts and just assume not going through that again. I am comfortable where I am now and the Lord will prepare me for when the time is right. ---(to be continued???)---?

THANKSGIVING

2007-11-23T07:10:00.001-06:00

Like most Americans, Thanksgiving has always been a time of Family and Feast. While I was stationed overseas during the holidays and away from my family, Friends (or co-workers) would gather and share this Holiday Feast. I am now Home and couldn't wait to be with my Family. To taste the giblet gravy, to have Granny's stuffing, and Aunt Trisa's glazed ham...mmm-good!!

Mom and I wake up at 2:30am to get ready for our long day. We must be on the road by 4AM to beat traffic and make it there by 8/9am. As we drive, the radio begins playing Christmas music??? It is Thanksgiving. It isn't even December yet?

[nostrils flair] This is something that has always disturbed me. Commercialism! It sickens me. Instead of wrapping yourself in the "Thankful Autumn Season", it's think buy and spend...(sigh)...but I digress.

So we made good time and hardly saw a car. We drop of our luggage at Granny's and load the car with pecan, pumpkin and chess pie, carrot cake and cranberry sauce before heading over to Aunt Trisa's. We were the first to arrive except for a mystery woman named Judy. She was very friendly and chatty but of no relation to any of us. I finally asked how she and Trisa were acquainted. She was a deer hunter with a lease on the land. My first reaction was "She isn't family, why is she hear? Can't she spend Thanksgiving with her own family???" Slowly other in-laws began to arrive. I asked about my cousins (Trisa's oldest sons) but Bo was in Colorado and Justin was having a small dinner with just his wife and kids. I was so upset that after all my excitement about finally being home for the first time in several years, my family wasn't even all there.

We all ate and enjoyed the delicious bounty spread out across the kitchen. We visited and moaned while rubbing our bellies that it was so good but we couldn't possibly eat another bite. Then out came the cakes and pies and banana pudding and we nibbled for another hour or so. Folks began to trickle out and back to their homes to nap before the traditional Cowboys game (which you can imagine that in Texas, it is more a ritual than a tradition). We tidied up the kitchen and packed little take home bags for everyone as they left. Just then, Justin and Kelly showed up and my excitement was back on track! We watched football and played board games and as the evening drew to an end, it was nice to be surrounded by the familiar loving family I cherish so much.

This morning I began to look for clips for my blog and I found this one. It reminded me of how the Pilgrims made their feast to give thanks, they didn't just invite family but welcomed the Indians to join the feast in giving thanks for there bounty. The Indians also brought venison and corn to add to this feast. I was glad Judy could join our feast and I am "thankful" she felt welcome!

I think we all could use a gentle reminder of this from time to time. I just wanted to share mine.

God Bless.

Ally!!

2007-11-21T15:47:00.001-06:00

Here Ye, Here Ye!! All Hail Ally! This girl is definitely toppin' the charts of TCC! In fact, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she wrote the book (or at least gave the inspiration)!

Beautiful, spunky, out going, smart, classy, down-to-earth, dyn-O-mite.... but enough about me, she is just as wonderful! (Sorry Ally, I had too. hahaha)

Okay seriously, folks, she is a kick-ass mom, she is quite possibly the worlds best cook, she is a warm and loving friend, has strong convictions and a heart for God, she is a ball of fun and one of the best women one could ever know! She is a world class traveler and someone you want with when planning your next adventure.

She has met a wonderful man who loves and truly cherishes her like she deserves. She and Mike are a blessing to know, and he is a whiz in the kitchen too. Let me tell you that Thanksgiving is a real treat but forget about playing Taboo with these two. They can read each others mind, it's so cute! (God, I love these people!)

And little Maddie makes up the rest of this beautiful Family! She is such a smart young lady! She is so adorable and precious to me. I spent so much time with them in Germany, my second family.

I couldn't be happier for them. I wish them all the best and know they will be happy in love forever! I love you guys! I pray God showers you with His Blessings all your days!

Adoption makes a Beautiful Family II

2007-11-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

So everyone is gearing up for Superbowl Sunday and the Cowboys are doing great. The girls at the dorm are planning a big Superbowl party!!

Thursday, Jan 25, 1996 - Dorm Inspection day.

First we have to see the doc and get our routine check-up. I am sitting on the floor and feel like there is a huge rubber band under my massive belly and two guys are on each end pulling. I see the doc, he says all looks good and sends me on my way.

So now my roommates and I have to clean our room. I am supposed to vacuum and make my bed. I make the bed and get out the vacuum. I need to rest! Feeling a little better, I finish vacuuming. This has worn me out and I need to relax. I make a nice hot bath and watch the soccer player foot kick field goals on my belly. Well, now I am too hot in this sauna and get out to go relax on the couch and watch some tv.

I tell another girl of my discomfort. She begins screaming that my water could have broke and I wouldn't even know it. I reassure her I wasn't due for a month and I wasn't in labor. She asks how I felt. I tell her and she starts screaming again and running around the room looking for the phone. She calls everyone in to take me to the hospital. I had already heard about false alarms and the 4 trips to the hospital and I was not going down that road. Once I went, that kid was out or I wasn't leaving! They hook me up to the monitors and decide I was far enough along to go to the hospital.

--A few hours later, Nicholas entered the world and I got to see the little boy that played rugby in my stomach. And oh my gosh did he have a lot of hair. I was so worried that Tim and Lisa would not want him. The next day, the nurses brought him in and I got to hold the little tyke. It was like I was on sleeping pills. I kept dozing off and dreaming I had dropped him only to jerk myself awake and see him peacefully napping in my arms.

I spoke with my counselor and explained my plight. I knew it was Superbowl Sunday but Nicholas HAD to be home for the game with his new Daddy! She understood completely. She arranged for the lawyers to come in first thing Sunday morning. After I signed, I took Nicholas to the placement room and waited for Tim and Lisa to sign their papers. Once they came in, I handed Nicholas over to Lisa and we all hugged.

When Mom and I walked out of the building, she broke down. I hadn't expected this. I had completely overlooked the fact he was as much a part of her as he was me. This was her 1st grandson.

The Cowboys win the Superbowl!!! Tim became a daddy and see the Cowboys beat the Stealers all in one day!!!

Tim and Lisa stayed in touch for many years sending cards, pictures, and letters. Nicholas is very involved with sports and band! He is very very happy!! They had adopted another little boy, Travis. Nicholas is a wonderful big brother.

This April I realized it had been some time since I had heard from them. I felt like they had finally moved on without me and I was no longer going to hear from them. I came to terms with this sad revelation and bought a black leather box to put all the cards and pictures in. I would put it up and not have them out as a constant reminder.

A few weeks ago, I came home to see the mail piled up on the table. A large plump envelope caught my eye. I looked at Mom and said, "You know what that is?!" She said "Yes. I was waiting for you to open it."

It was a letter from Lisa and some pictures. Seems like life with two growing boys keeps her busy!! She had been so busy taking them to games and practice etc, she hardly had time to sit.

So without further ado...

Now isn't that a beautiful family!!!

Lisa & Nicholas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Travis, Nicholas & Lisa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tim, Nicholas &Travis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adoption makes a Beautiful Family

2007-11-19T14:44:00.001-06:00

When I was 18 and dating a silly boy, I got pregnant.

Now some of you may have very strong feelings about adoption... and so do I. I am a very strong supporter of it! Now don't get me wrong, I am not anti-abortion, holding a picket sign or anything; a woman's body is her own and it is her choice. I would just hope she would make the best EDUCATED decision for her and her child.

Well, I chose adoption. I decided to place my baby in a home with wonderful, christian, supportive parents who could better provide for a baby than I could.

The choice was not hard for me. Really, the hardest part (after crying my eyes out and praying I wasn't pregnant) was telling my mother. But after she stopped crying and told me she would support me in whatever I decided, I told her of my decision.

As life has a funny way of small coincidence and twists of fate, it turns out I had a relative that had done the same thing many years earlier. Mom suggested I talk to her. (This did not turn out to be a good decision however, I pray she finds healing). She had gone to The Edna Gladney Center and despite the experiences of others, my mind was made up and nothing would deter me from my pronouncement.

I called and spoke with the operators and got set up with a counselor. I moved up to the campus later and met some interesting characters (to say the least). There was of course the operator that checked me in. She was great (a real David Letterman fan)! Then there was the staff - all of them were absolutely terrific! I loved that place!! I got a room with a roommate and 2 suite mates and Oh, the stories I could tell.

~There was Jamie the crazy girl who cussed out her mom on a regular basis and hogged the phone every day/night. After she gave birth, she went nutso on me because I told her to let the other girls use the phone. She shoved my pregnant self on the floor and took to flight out of the building. She was moved to another room for that night and then threw chocolate pudding all down the hall walls. Needless to say, she wasn't there very much longer. (Not the mention wasting perfectly good chocolate pudding)

~Then there was Ronnie who was very sweet but very emotional. She liked to write poetry a lot. She did her fair bit of crying (but to be fair, pregnancy can do that to a person).

~Then there was Tonya. This girl was like 6'2" and barely looked pregnant while I am 5' and looked like a stuffed turkey when I was only 5 months... She and I stayed in touch for quite a while. But like most things, we have lost touch.

Then there were the other girls.

~There was Becca, who was a great gal and I thought very fondly of. Her mom was apparently Jewish and I would always do the "Coffee Talk" thing when she would call. (I thought that was hysterical!!) Becca and I would ponder all kinds of theoretical conversations and debate on nothing. She was one who I also lost touch with but think of now and then.

~There was Rachel (of which we are still friends to this day). Now this is a story of friendship - let's just say, despite the fact we had a nasty rocky patch that involved total humiliation and me hurtling a bottle of nail polish across a room, our friendship is all the more strong.

~There was Nicole who I about ripped her head off when we first met. That story goes like this. She had walked up to me the first evening she was there and knew my name and family and everything. Out of complete shock, I snapped at her (though I have no idea what I said, just that it was not very nice). I later apologized and we have been friends ever since.

~There was Molly, who we all liked, but she seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth.

~There was a homeless girl who had already been pregnant some 22 times. She had lots of psychological problems. There was the time we ordered pizza and she spit out a bite saying it was awful, only hours later dug it out of the trash and ate it (yuck!!). Then there was the time she went crazy on her then roommate saying she was a devil worshiper and listening to satanic music, then ran screaming up and down the hallway (yeah, she is the crazy one?!?!?!). I got the roommate and 'homeless girl' got the boot. At least, we never saw her again.

Later I met Donna, another staff member. She is one of my most precious friends! She was my 'Secret Santa' and we hit it off so well as friends, we have been so ever since.

So I had my counselor, Julie, and she helped me pick a family. I told her my expectations of parents for my child and she found some profiles that matched. I reviewed several portfolios. Some sounded great on paper but their pictures did not look warm and happy. Some looked happy but something on paper sounded amiss.

~There was the basketball coach whose wife looked like Tammy Faye did her makeup. 1st, I am only 5' and the birth father isn't much taller so the basketball coach is out and 2ndly, there is no way that woman is going to teach my little girl how to put on makeup.

~There were the Catholics who had 4 kids already. I want my child to be the 1st, not lost in the litter.

~There was the Hispanic whose wife had 2 inch black roots to her frizzy over processed hair. While the heritage combo is right (me being white and the birth father Hispanic) those roots just would not do.

(Not that I am that nasty of a person, but in choosing the people that are going to raise your child, you are going to be picky.)

There were a few others but when I found Tim and Lisa, I just KNEW. They were perfect. I loved their pictures and everything they said. I spoke with them for hours on the phone and we went out to eat a few times. What wonderful people!

During all this time, I was doing an Outreach Program with The Gladney Center. We would go to different groups (schools, churches, even on campus panels) and tell our story. Our purpose was not to say "Hey get pregnant and place your child!" but rather, be smart and know ALL your options and make the BEST Decision for you and your child. I really liked doing it even though one time we had a real "Jerry Springer" moment at this local high school. It was kinda crazy to be sitting in a class room and have all these pregnant teens stand up and start screaming at us for giving our kids away to strangers (like we were throwing in a dumpster). I (or we) explained how we can be very involved (as much as you would like to be) in the process.

Well, the time is getting close to give birth and Superbowl is rolling around. Tim is a big Cowboys fan and they were doing very well that year. The baby wasn't due till February but I prayed it would great for Tim to have a son home just in time for Superbowl and the Cowboys would win. (The state of Texas law says the birth mother has to wait 48 hours from time of birth before signing the adoption papers. Which means the baby would have had to be born no later than Friday morning)

The ultrasound shows a boy and while his name was planned to be Jack, a last minute call changed it to Nicholas. As soon as I heard the name, it was like hearing something you had been trying to think of forever and it was just on the tip of your tongue. Yes! That was his name.

So everyone is gearing up for Superbowl Sunday and the Cowboys are doing great. The girls at the dorm are planning a big Superbowl party!!

...to be continued....

I just don't get it...!!

2007-11-10T18:45:00.000-06:00

So it would appear that there was all this HYPE about getting my number to an old high school crush. Apparently he had asked to get in touch with me. It has been over a month since this chap asked for my number and I still have not heard from him. Punk!!!

I mean, I understand that guys have a different time table than girls (or whatever) but why would someone ask for a number, and then NOT Call???? That makes no sense. I just don't get it.

[The story: About a month ago, Brooke calls and says she doesn't know the whole story but so-n-so called so-n-so called her to say that {D} wants to get in touch with me. I ask why but said "Fine." She was supposed to get more details. She wasn't able to apparently. Needless to say, she never saw {D} but gave it to so-n-so (a week later), who gave it to {D} a week after that. So {D} has had at the very least 2 weeks to call.

BUT I am NOT waiting all day by the phone! OH NO! I am way to busy for that!!!

I am a girl on the go! I've got places to go and things to do.

I am on the move!!! There is no keeping me down.

( que music )
"Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride

Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no

I got to keep on movin'

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

I'm running and I won't touch ground Oh-no,

I got to keep on movin'"

Adventure Bound!

2007-11-01T14:21:00.000-06:00

Well this is looking to be a pretty adventurous weekend....

Okay, maybe not that adventurous!!

We are heading to Lampasas to pick up the cutest little 2 year old alive!!!! Kaysten is coming to stay a week with his Nany (Naw-ny) and his Aunt Jodi. I am sure he is just thrilled - I know I am!

Additionally, Brooke will be coming to visit and Trisha may stop by too. (Some of you may remember that I haven't seen Trisha in 12 years).

All in all, it looks like it is going to be a jam packed, fun filled weekend!

What's all the hype?

2007-10-31T05:46:00.001-06:00

So it is Halloween...

Maybe I have just got old but when I was a kid it was about dressing up and getting candy. I don't remember it to be demonic... but it seems like more things are these days.

The last time I went to rent a movie, it was 80% horror flicks from murder, demonic possession to outright gore.

What happened to the scary movies that were more humor...? More so, what happened to comedy?

These are the classics. These are the ones that stand the test of time! (pictures from Young Frankenstein)

These movies you can watch without having nightmares for a month, needing to sleep with the light on, developing a new phobia or needing psychiatric help after watching.

So with that little tirade, enjoy your holiday!

Stay safe and don't eat too much candy.

....and ....

....if your blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits; Puttin' on the Ritz.

a Girl and her Nephew

2007-10-29T12:35:00.000-06:00

He is too cute and our time with him is few and far between. They grow so fast it is hard to keep up with them.

A few weeks ago was my company picnic an Mom and I had Kaysten for the week. He had so much fun playing with the kids and keep away from the dog.

But after all his running and chasing and playing... he is tired and and knows there is only one place to be....
...with Aunt Jodi!

What a sweet little boy. As Kaysten would say "YES SIR!!!"

Picture Perfect

2007-10-15T07:32:00.001-06:00

Some of readers have asked about the picture of the surfer girl:

This is not me. I have never been on a surfboard but truth be told, after writing "A Day at the Beach" I was curious about trying.

In the article, I was merely using the analogy of surfing and using the picture as a visual.

When I do actually go surfing, I will post the real pic's and let you all have a good laugh with me.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy!

Unexpected Reunion

2007-10-12T15:42:00.000-06:00

How excited am I!!! 12 years I tell you! 12 YEARS!!!!

[ When I was in high school, I had my 'click' of friends. We weren't a big group....in fact, we weren't even a group.
There were a few of us from Drama Class that hung out in class. As time goes, we lose touch and grow apart. One of my dear friends more fell off the planet. I can't say how it happened. I think she might have moved and I couldn't find her. Alas, she was gone and what seemed like forever.
I have inquired from my (VBFF) Brooke if there is any word of this disappearing damsel but the answer is always "No". ]

Yesterday I get a friend request from mySpace. Some person writes.... This is Trisha, do you remember me?" (12 Years!) I ask which Trish was this..... "The one from H.S.!"

And here she is with her almost grown beautiful children. My how time flies! I can't believe it.

How excited am I! After all this time, my friend and I are again reunited. I am truly blessed in this life. Not with riches and gold that you can not take with you and doesn't know your name; but with people who remember you and carry your name in their hearts.

Thank you Lord for giving me the riches that matter!

Heather!

2007-10-12T11:49:00.001-06:00

OMG!!! It might be easier to list the things she doesn't do...

The world is her playground!!! She jet sets around the globe like a pro...okay, that may be a bit of a stretch. She is a pro and the military does take her to some unique locations (to say the least).

She totally Rocks!!!! Despite her professional demeanour, she knows how to cut loose! She really knows how to appreciate good (loud, rock) music!

HELLO!!!! She scales walls. She is athletic, sporty, and drives a jeep! Just check out those gams! What a woman. ("I am woman, hear me roar.")

So maybe now you are thinking, "So she is athletic, sporty, rocker, great personality, smart, witty, and still single?!?!?!?! What must she look like?"

...

Well, she is HOT! She is elegant and classy. She is perfectly charming, stunning and delightful.

But most importantly to me, she is my friend. She is a wonderful friend! I am blessed in my life to have friends as great and totally cool as Heather.

Heather, YOU ROCK! and thanks for being this totally cool chics friend!

TINA

2007-10-05T12:44:00.001-06:00

Tina is a Totally Cool Chic. She is one fantastic friend I count as a blessing! She is smart. She is independent and strong. She is loyal, funny, true, a good cook, a good travel companion, adventurous, and a believer. She is a great story teller and a good listener. She is not a Drama Queen. She does not have to be the center of attention despite the fact she is beautiful. She is down home, humble and honest. She can can be elegant or be just as comfortable in jeans or sweats and slippers. She is a wonderful friend.

She is also a very respected professional. I look up to her as an ethical leader because she is fair and as non-bias as one can be. I shout her praise from the top of the Alps!

All Hail Tina, A Totally Cool Chic.

Totally Cool Chics (TCC)

2007-09-18T19:40:00.000-06:00

I am not trying to boast here but I gotta say that I think I am one of many totally cool chics! I did not come by this all on my own so I can not take full credit! I have known some pretty amazingly awesome chics in my life and think they deserve their due props. So I want to have a "shout out" if you will of some pretty amazing, real-life, totally awesome chics!!!!! They are in no order of importance or ranking; just as I think of them, they get a "shout out". So listen up, keep an eye open, and lend me your ears 'cuz you may be one of the outstanding, phenominal chics I post about!

A Day at the Beach

2007-09-17T08:27:00.000-06:00

It is a nice sunny day and we have averted a Tropical Depression. I paddle out to test the waters. It has been a while since I have actually "stood up to surf" (once again, bear with the analogy). I am a little nervous. How soon do I stand? Do I start slow and play over cautious? Do I jump up and take the first wave that rolls my way. I am trying to remain calm and play it by ear but I still feel apprehensive. It's been such a long time since I have actually experienced any waves.

So I crouch low and clutch the board tightly like a beginner. I breathe deep and try to relax. I made it through and didn't fall (even if I did look a little awkward). That's a start. I guess it will become more comfortable eventually.

Letters

2007-09-07T13:05:00.000-06:00

In rummaging through some old letters I came across one I had written many years ago when I was but a wee lass. I think I was going to write it out several times and send it to all those persons I felt deserved receiving a copy. Being that the Internet lets me type it once and then all my closest and dearest friends can read it whilst everyone else can Ooh and Aww! (chuckles)
So here it is; the long awaited letter of my early years to my most cherished friends:

Recently someone said to me that a person was lucky if they found one true friend in life. Well, I am blessed for I have many. I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have those friends. I want to thank each of you for being a True Friend to me and making such a wonderful difference in my life! I hope you can say I did as much for you as you have done for me.
There is also something else I want to share with you. Something that is very close and dear to me. That is Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure you know Him. But just in case, I want to tell you about Him. You see, I LOVE HIM just as I love you. One day when we are all in Heaven, I would want all of you to be there. He is a wonder and a blessing and He is the best friend anyone could ever have. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light, and none shall pass through the gates of Heaven except through HIM.. So if you don't know Him, please seek Him. If you do, Amen!!

I Love You and in Jesus name,
I pray for you
Love and God Bless,
Jodi

Well, I may not have been a young R. Frost but at least my heart was in the right place. Thank you for reading! Many happy days!
Jodi

Riptide got me...

2007-08-31T09:45:00.000-06:00

[Pardon the analogy]

So there I am, sitting blissfully on my surf board and chatting up with the new surfer, both seemingly admiring the view when *BAM!* I'm sucked into a riptide. "Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water" you get blindsided.

Talk about feeling like a loser! Your flirting and laughing and having a great time, all the while you can't help but think to yourself, "He thinks I am clever and funny and cute". That's when it happens, you fall off your board and all that's left is some hands and feet flailing about (yeah, real graceful!).

Well, I am a strong woman and I know how to recover. I am a pro at dusting off my scraped knees. My final message to surf board boy:

"Isn’t it funny how two people can have the same experience and get completely different things from it? I had a great time talking to you and I am really going to miss your emails. I had other “get to know you” questions but I didn’t want you to feel too bombarded so I held back for a little while (looks like too long, hahaha). I am sorry I couldn’t email you last night but I was having internet problems. I can’t help but feel like I said something wrong (perhaps I should have sent naked photos… Do you think it would have helped?). I of course wish you the absolute best of luck. I hope you keep reading my blog and comment now and then. It will be a true delight to hear from you again. Please take care"
.......

Hey look at that, the surfs up again. I guess it is time to go back out and get my feet wet!

Gods Blessings to you all.

Dating Evolved Part II

2007-08-29T22:44:00.000-06:00

So a little (and I do mean little) research was done and here goes:

"Courtship in America"

Dating in the 20th Century

Dating, a new form of mixed-sex socializing, arose in the nation's growing cities during the second decade of the twentieth century. It replaced earlier kinds of socializing that had been found in small towns and rural areas, both casual forms of mixing - such as church outings, picnics, sleigh rides, hay rides, and community dances - and also the formal process of calling, in which a young man paid a visit to a young woman's house and was entertained in her parlor.

Both casual mixing and calling were overseen by adults - parents, kin, church members, and others in the community - and took place in mixed age settings.

The word dating entered the American language during the 1910s. It was connected to the emergence of new kinds of commercial amusements, such as amusement parks, ice cream parlors, and especially the movies, and to the rise of the automobile. As early as the 1890s, young people in the rapidly growing cities had begun to spend more of their leisure time in commercial settings, such as amusement parks, dance halls and nickelodeons.

......

Dating, unlike calling, was not about finding a mate. It was about having fun with a member of the opposite sex. At a time when gender relations were particularly distant, dating provided a way to bridge the gap. Also unlike calling, which was monitored by adults, the dating system was overseen by peers and set rules for dating. Through gossip and teasing, it helped determine who one could go out with and how much sexual intimacy was allowed.

Dating was highly gendered. A boy was expected to ask a girl out, pay for a date, and provide the transportation. In return, he expected physical intimacy: a good-night kiss or petting. A young woman was responsible for resisting any inappropriate sexual advances.

During the '20s and '30s, a young woman's popularity was measured by how frequently she was asked out on dates. ....Sociologist later discovered that those young woman who dated the most were the least likely to pursue an advanced education and were especially likely to marry young.

......"

for more info go to: http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/

The question I pondered was "what happened to courting". I guess since courting had a lot to do with "responsible" adults in the community and mature parents chaperoning events and gathering, and there has been a breakdown of that in the community and the community itself, courting has possibly become extinct to most.

So now dating has become, like most things, on-line. There are plenty different websites to choose from. There are chat rooms galore. I wonder if I am too old fashioned for this new dating method.

But a gals gotta get here feet wet sometime and the fishin' hole I am in seems to be all out of good bass and full of little perch.

I am learning how to "surf" the web and choose only the "righteous waves". Let's hope I can find a good one without being sucked in by rip tides or fall prey to lurking sharks.

(man I am pretty good with these analogies, wouldn't ya say)

Well, for those out there ridin' the waves, have faith that a good wave will come in eventually. You just kinda have to ride out a few little ones till your right one comes along. (I don't much about surfing so this may not be a good analogy). In the meantime, enjoy the view and wave hello to me out there waiting with ya!

High School Drama

2007-08-23T20:41:00.000-06:00

Question: What people still care about what their high school classmates think....?

1. Their glory days were in h.s. and their life seems down hill from there.

2. Some never left the small town so their horizon didn't grow past the city limits.

3. They didn't see themselves as "popular" and despite their accomplishments, they still seek the (perceived) "cool kids" approval.

Admittedly, I was in the 3rd category.

(start dream sequence)

I used to want to go to my h.s. reunion in a stretch limo with a stud on my arm, in a fabulous dress and knock 'em all dead...

(bubble pops)

Recently I have joined the new pop culture "MySpace" club. One of it's great features allows you to be a part of you schools alumni. Just one click on your schools link and you can see all the faces from past to present!

So as I said, " I was in the 3rd category." I used to think I wasn't much of anybody and no one would even remember me. I looked through those faces and hardly recognized any of them. Then I saw 1 familiar friend. Of course you must add each other as friends to your page! (note the sarcasm)

Well as MySpace goes, I start getting all these "friends" request from complete strangers wanting me to "Add" them (or buy something). I'm thinking, "Who Are YOU?" Why would I add you to my friends? No offense folks, but I don't know you. All these people seeking acceptance (or just commercialism). Call me old fashioned or even intimate but I don't see the need to paste complete strangers on MySpace at some desperate attempt for others who view my page to think I'm cool because I know hundreds of scantly clad women or men posing with dead animals, drunk women, or their cars, trucks, dogs or bikes.

So one day I get a message from a girl who went to my ol' "Almamator" asking me to "add" her as a friend. She looks vaguely familiar. We were never friends, we never hung out, so again I wonder "Why add you to my friends?"

So back to the "was" part. I have realized that don't care what those people from h.s. think. I don't care to ever go to a reunion. I've grown, I've moved past those days, h.s. is over. I've kept the friends that mattered and I've made new ones that sculpted me as a better and wiser person. I don't have to seek their approval, they love me just as I am.

*********************************

So those of you who just gotta know what some of us have been doing.....

Some of us have a followed a dream and never let it go:

***

Some have served well and still found a way to express themselves:

*****

Some of us really know how to just enjoy the view:

***
As for me, I am doing it all!

Dating evolved?

2007-08-02T13:25:00.000-06:00

Some recent frustrations I have experienced with Internet on-line dating:
1. People who do not post pictures....!!!!
A. Pictures of groups or more than one girl/guy (Which one are you supposed to be?)
B. Pictures that are more than 2 years old
C. Pictures without a visible face
D. Not even people (i.e. pet, cross, cartoon, graphic... the list goes on)

2. Improper Grammar!!!
A. Misspelled words
B. No Capitalization
C. No punctuation
D. Obvious disregard for proofing all together (words they have grouped and make absolutely no sense)

3. Sites that talk about their 21 points of interest and matching you with people of similar interest ...
But then you put in your Must Haves/Can't Stands; these are the matches they give (distance, children, etc)

So what happened to Courting? How did people meet before? How has dating evolved???
Sounds like a good topic for my next blog. I think this calls for a little research. I could take a poll and this would be a good way to meet some folks... ya know, (cockney accent:)"two birds and a stone and all that"
So my journey for answers begins....

What do you think? I value my readers insight....send me your thoughts.

Journey

2007-07-31T12:52:00.000-06:00

Life is all about the journey not the destination, right?

I think Robert Frost said it best:

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Well I am enjoying the view. Taking time to appreciate a few finer things....

.... though to be perfectly honest, whilst I enjoy this time, I do still concern my thoughts with being a responsible adult.
Alas, I give my prayers to God and trust in him to lead my way. I have surrendered my life to Him and He has a purpose for me.

Some days are worse than others

2007-07-19T15:32:00.000-06:00

I have been looking at MySpace to make friends and meet new people in the same boat as me (ie. single, 30s, no kids, christian...and there aren't many apparently...but I digress). I do hope to some day cross the path of my Godly man (see: APB) but in the mean time, I need some friends to hang out with.

So I am chatting with a perspective "new guy/friend" and I tell a friend about it. He starts saying, "What's wrong with him to be that age and still single?" I reminded him that I am only a few years from that age and what was his point.... He goes into how to be a certain age and never married, that something must be wrong....
.... he must have been tapped into the evil voice in my head that I am always trying to shut out...

See, I used to think that way (when I was in my early 20s) that if a guy wasn't married, something was wrong with him. He was a total jerk that no one wanted or so disgusting that he couldn't find anyone. I feared I would get stuck in this pool of losers.

Well now I am in my 30s (and all the wiser) and I feel this is not the case. My perspective has changed. I chose to believe that there are those of us out there that (for one reason or another) haven't found the right one and wouldn't settle for less than what we deserved.

So then my friend says I am too picky (he read APB)... I acknowledge that while it may be a long list, most of them are attributes of character and not a physical description of the "perfect man".

So call it what you want, say what you will... I am a woman of class and merit and I will not settle for less.

Cheers to all those who are waiting for a worthy mate. Good luck on your search!!!

My Acceptance Speach

2007-07-17T14:45:00.000-06:00

I just re-read my last blog and it begins to trail off as though I am accepting my Oscar.
~
I am standing on a stage in front of all of Hollywood's most elite and
wearing a beautiful and glamorous white flowing gown made of the
most delicate silk and spun satin. I have just been handed Oscar and
as I list all those that made an impression on me and "I would like to
thank ...." the music begins to play and I am gently lead of stage before
I can finish my gracious speech.....
~
Alas, I hope you all know who you are and that my love for you is great.

Okay, enough about everyone else, back to me. HaHa.

check up from the neck up

2007-07-10T20:07:00.000-06:00

Well I am hangin' on to reality by a thread.... lots and lots of prayer getting me through the day.
And let me tell you about "affirmations and edifications".

I have been praying about a different job. The phone rings last night and Fran is on the other end telling me she has found a HR job. Today the phone rings and the woman on the end was looking for my brother but ended up offering me a job. I really feel warm fuzzies about these opportunities and affirmed that I on track.

I have been in a LOT of prayer about my "husband". I spent some time with God just talking about him and how can I be in love with someone He has not brought to me. The phone rings and it is Fran. She showers me with praise and blessings that I am on the right track. She was channel surfing and just seen a televised sermon about living the life of a wife when looking for a husband. She edified me that I was "speaking him into existence".

I have been blessed in my life with Angels all around. My list of blessings are long and I am so grateful.
some of My Angels include: (and in no particular order)
my Mom
Tina
Emirza
Angi and Gil
Brian
Sunshyne
Fran
Donna
....
trust me when I say this list will be very long

I am so thankful to each of you for the blessings you brought to my life. I love you and praise your name!!!

A.P.B.

2007-07-03T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ok folks , it's time to get serious ! No more tomfoolery, No more idle chat; Were on a mission and the mission is a man hunt!
~~~

All points bulletin: A Godly Man
Height: 5'8" - 6'0"
Age: 31 - 36
Status: Single - never married
Children: No
Smoker: No
Attributes: Handsome & Charming ( Song of Songs 1: 16 )
Good Kisser ( Song of Songs 1 : 2 )
Loves me as Christ loves the church ( Eph 5 : 25 - 28 )
Strong & Supportive ( Song of Songs 2: 5 - 6 )
Respects me ( Song of Songs 2: 2 )
Noble, Kind, Gracious, Wise
Outgoing, Witty, Smart, Funny
Adventuresome & likes the outdoors
Righteous and Virtuous
Work Ethics > Respected, Diligent, Efficient
LEADER
Seeks Gods Will
My Protector & My Companion
( Song of Songs 7: 10 " I belong to my lover, and he desires for me. " )
~~~
( Mission Impossible music starts.... )

This mission should you choose to except it will require your full support
and devotion. It may require countless hours of prayer, observation and profiling.
(All prospective candidates must have a recent photo to be considered for courtship)

*** this message will not self destruct ***

Sunshyne

2007-07-03T11:34:00.000-06:00

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday...."

Where is my Sunshyne? I know she is having a great summer with her boys and having a blast moving to the Tennessee (with all those boxes to pack, unpack, sort, arrange, etc...) but I miss my Sunshyne.
I miss our cups of coffee and our desserts. I miss our long philosophical discussions or our emotional rants. Who else can fill her shoes? NO-ONE.
http://choicecentral.blogspot.com/2007/01/forecast-sunshyne-with-cup-of-jo.html
http://sunshynem.blogspot.com/2007/01/lip-gloss-never-leave-home-without-it.html

I hope that you are doing well and shining brightly. I hope you stay in touch and keep me posted (hahahaha). I hope you know how wonderful you are and how warm your heart is. I hope that no matter how much time goes by that you know...(music begins to play)
"You've got a friend in me.
You've got a friend in me.
If you've got troubles, and I got 'em too.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
If we stick together we can see it through,
Cause you got a friend in me.
Yeah, you got a friend in me.
Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am.
Bigger and stronger too.
But none of them will ever love you the way I do,
It's me and you, boy.
And as the years go by,
Our friendship will never die.
You gonna see it's our destiny.
You got a friend in me. "

Take care and be blessed.

Elaine

2007-07-02T11:33:00.001-06:00

So they say I am Elaine. Every time my friend Emirza watches Seinfeld, she laughs and says "..there's Jodi.." and every time I talk to my friend David, he says "...okay, Elaine." In fact last night he said he is just going to start calling me Elaine from now on. He says talking to me is like being in a Seinfeld episode.
How funny! My mom says that I more like her in the "New Adventures of Old Christine". Either way Julia must be channeling me when she gets her inspiration. I am flattered and all, but I would like to receive some proceeds from the royalties.

So for all those out there who appreciate Elaine (or Christine), give me a call, drop me a line, or send me a check (haha)!

In the meantime, dance!

{rant}

2007-06-29T12:42:00.000-06:00

So my heart thinks it is in love (or something that may possibly resemble it) and wants to sing and float on sugary clouds of pink and blue cotton~candy....and why shouldn't it?
...because it knows nothing!!!! My heart is a blind fool. True love is more than just feelings and the wise know that. True love is founded on knowing a person and wanting to be with them. It is weighing the good with the bad and being endeared to that person despite their imperfections - not overlooking them or being blind to them.
Well my heart is like the draught desert to a spring monsoon, barren and thirsty to drink up as much as it can.
So why can't a woman of sound mind, reasonable intelligence, and "women's intuition" not seem to get control of her hearts filtering pulses despite the fact she knows better? It is a very disturbing place to be; a tug-of-war of the body. And I do feel stretched thin emotionally (though I don't look it). I still have my pleasant and plump face with my Cheshire grin.
So where is Abby or Ruth when you need them? Where is the knight in shining armour to ride gallantly up on his noble stead and sweep me off my feet? I many not be Cinderella but I am most certainly not the stepsister either. I am Elaine: funny, witty, quirky, smart, beautiful and charming.
So in closing I would like to add the comments from yesterdays blog that my dear friend Gil wrote for me. My own little poem.

Without a hoot,
Yet demure as on owl,
As she counts out loot,
She is on the prowl.

While she goes through the motions,
Of being a teller,
Forget other notions:
She'll deposit a feller!

Not a 20 or 10,
No small denomination,
Only the choicest among men,
For matrimonialization.

Handsome and tall, Godly and just,
A leader of all, Yet kind and robust.
Jodi does seek, And Jodi shall find,
A man as meek,As Jesus was kind.

Thank you so much Gil for that poetic prayer.

...a second out of my day

2007-06-28T12:10:00.001-06:00

So I am training for my new job. I am at the computer reading pages and pages of text learning all the important details of this new and exciting career. (Meanwhile trying to stay awake)
But what am I more interested in??? Is it the window to my right that looks out on a beautiful sunny summer day? ..............................
....NO! It is the window to my left that overlooks the lobby with all the customers coming in.
But why you may ask. True that I am a "People Watcher" but not right now. I am scoping the crowd for a handsome stranger. A gentleman caller. A date....
...or if nothing else to make some new friends in this new place.
Alex, Alex, where ever you may be, take this loneliness far away from me.

Hope you are all having a good day.